Today's thoughts began after listening to the song 'Waiting Room', track #12 on No Doubt's Rock Steady. The pre-chorus states:
"If we both want the love and I wait long enough then the ground that we're on might be common"
I have listened to this song more times than I care to try to count because I absolutely love it. In any case, because of events that have been occurring in my usually rather boring life as of late I realized I was beginning to feel certain emotions that I am not necessarily comfortable with.
The wings of a butterfly are very delicate. Their wings are not like those of a hummingbird that have to be strong enough to withstand the arduous task of flight as they have it. You know there is that crazy number of times their wings flap in the blink of an eye. Butterflies are different. They seem to float along on whisper-soft breezes gently and deftly, rather than beating the air to the rhythm of a Caribbean drum.
I am not saying that butterflies are not strong or any less wonderful of a creature, but if you pierce a wing, the already short lifespan is further decreased. Even the proud Monarch with its beautiful, bright golden wings is destined to share the same fate of a lowly moth cousin. Clip, pierce or in any way break the wing and it is grounded. All freedom is now restricted because of a sudden change in the immediate environment. Who knows what caused it: a reckless decision in flight, sheer laziness or maybe the cruelty of another brought about the exploitation of this weakness. No matter how you look at it, it is over for the poor dear because the defenses have been weakened.
The situation is much the same for the Butterfly Angel. So closely tied to the wings of an angel with their ability to overcome, yet the poor butterfly is not fully developed. More tests and chances to mature must be faced and passed in order to possess the strength to carry angel wings. I am not saddened by the fact that I must further mature but I have accepted that I know my wings and my heart are affected at the same time. They mature and are hurt at the same rate.
At the moment something that I do not fully understand is prevalent in my thoughts. I cannot even sleep. Something that I am not used to is occurring. I may be young but I am no child, I know that if you play too long eventually someone is going to get hurt. I am, of course, very much accustomed to this being me. I hate this feeling, I fear a puncture in my near future. This is sad because I would rather use this wing to embrace and not to hide and nurse a wound. I am getting myself further and further into trouble here and I know it. But what is it that is said about my moth cousin.... drawn to the flame.
The more I think --- wait a minute, that is my problem. I am done with thinking about this. I may have delicate wings like a butterfly but I am in no way delicate. I cannot let myself be brought down even if it is concerning my tender and currently softened heart.
'Cuidado con su corazon' - It will not stay open very long.
'Cuidado con su mariposa' - Ella es delicada como una rosa.
'Be careful with your butterfly' - Do not break her heart, she will cry.
'Cuidado, be careful' - Ya esta llorando.
'Be careful, cuidado' - Sola esta esperando.
Okay, I think I'm fine now. The chill pill is kicking in. I am settling into my happy place. Work is a great place to be. Hard times develop character. New experiences are good. New friends, even better although they insist on spelling their names wrong. Happy for the moment.