What makes a "good girl" so good? Sugar? Spice? Everything nice? Unfortunately when the professor accidentally added Chemical X to my batch, I did not get super powers but super attitude. My friend said something very interesting to me, "Be good! If you can't do that at least don't get caught." In the end, is this what a good girl truly is?
The so-called "girl next door" could be doing naughty things with any and everyone she meets. In private she may hate her 'closest friends' and outside of church she may damn us all to hell. But according to those who 'know' her, she is an absolute angel. Last one to leave the club Wednesday through Saturday night yet the first hypocrite in the pew early Sunday morning.
I started thinking about this a while back when a new friend told me that she had spent a long time trying to be a good girl but she felt that she was wasting her time. Having gone through a similar realization that left me with such intense bitter feelings, I began to wonder what really makes a good girl vs. what society says makes a good girl.
Of course, most of these are based upon my experience in hyper-Christianity.
GOOD GIRL =
I am not saying that any of these things are particularly bad, they are not. But being held to a standard of performance perfection to please people rather than a genuine heart to live this way for God is WRONG! That is where this former good girl went bad. For so long I really wanted to live the "right" life. It's just that right for me was never quite "right" enough for some.
Being that I am one that goes from one extreme to the other, I went from focused good girl to stealth-mode, sneaky bad girl. That is not to say that I am doing the complete opposite of the things on the list. I firmly believe that every action, good or bad, has its consequence. I will have to answer for how I choose to live this life I have been given. But I have done some things that I would not have thought I would.
So really, what makes a good girl? Is she one who truly holds to and lives by her convictions? Is she the wild party girl who can pull the wool over everyone else's eyes but her own? Or is she the complex chameleon that adapts to the surrounding people and situations. She may be any one or a combination of these. I suspect that this fallen Butterfly Angel may be all three. Love, peace and freedom to all.
I originally wrote this back in July/ August but never got around to posting it. Lots of emotions and bitterness to sort through. Over the past several months a number of things have occurred in my life and I am not so bitter anymore about the "good girl" thing. I finally remembered what my goal was in all of this. My goal was to love God and to live a life worthy of His love. I wanted to be a woman of upstanding moral character, not a goody two shoes or "good girl". I did not care what society's opinion was of how I chose to live, all I wanted was to please God. Somewhere along the way, my thinking became dark and clouded. I cared more about what I wanted out of life and about pleasing people than living for and loving God. It is a dark day when you decide that there is no room for God in your life because you feel like living the 'right life' is holding you back from your life. Many things have changed in my life and many more issues will be dealt with but this is the beginning of a major character and life change. The Nefarious Angel may never die and she may continue to win more battles but the victory for the war will never belong to her. The Butterfly Angel may still be lost but she is definitely many steps closer to being found and enjoying true Love and Freedom.