something different, part 1

If you expect something different from your life  than what you have become accustomed to seeing then it's time to step out and DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! But you may think wait if I do something different I may not be good at it, it may make me feel uncomfortable and I may look stupid. All of those are very real possibilities but there is also the possibility that you may find that you can accomplish something great, be good at something new and look good. Or how about if it doesn't turn out the way you hoped, you find that you learn something about yourself or others. I would consider that a building block, a lesson learned.

Recently I set out to do something different in my own life. I ran towards a challenging opportunity because I considered the outcome worth any effort necessary to accomplish the goal. I put myself out there for an opportunity with no guarantee of being accepted. Every step of this process has stretched me, made me feel uncomfortable and at times had me in tears. And I am glad to say I would do it all over again. I did something different and although the response may not have been the one I hoped for, I have taken something much more precious from this. My freedom.

I realized as I was walking through this that I was afraid of being rejected. I, like many, have dealt with rejection in my life but I was letting myself be enslaved by my fear of it. I have lived life worried about other's perception of me too often. I felt as though I was being led around by a ring and chain in my nose to the next spot in my life based on whether or not I thought someone would accept me. When I tell you that is an oppressive and depressing way to live, that does not even begin to describe the unfulfilled, painful existence attached to  the foul principality of rejection. I also felt as though there were a bit and bridle in my mouth guarding my words so that I would, at times, find it hard to choose words, for fear of being misunderstood and rejected. Well, no more.

My eyes have now been opened. I know this is an area of weakness for me, but I am not defeated by it. I refuse to let the thought of rejection keep me from the life I am to live. Jesus did not give up heaven, live His exemplary life, die on a cross and resurrect so that I could wallow in a defeated state. I repent. MY NAME IS VICTORY! I know that I am a part of a greater whole, so there are others who need me to get up and go forward. I am not my own, I was bought at a great price therefore I honor God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20; 7:23) and live in His perfect love which casts out every fear (1 John 4:18-19) whatever form it chooses to come in. Moving forward!