17 April 2012

square peg

I've heard it said that you should save for a rainy day. I wish I could tell you I had the perfect emergency fund stashed away and that I was prepared financially for any sudden changes in life. Alas, I cannot say that and it be true. However, today I sit here and I can tell you that on Monday, it rained in my life. I cannot go into much detail at the moment but there will be a significant change in my life soon.

I realized something today and I wanted to capture it in words. I may not have a financial overflow or all the wisdom and training in life to fill this hole but I realized, thanks be to God that in Him I have been filled with a knowing that keeps me from feeling as though there is a hole in me, that there is something lacking or inherently faulty. I'm not defective. Additionally I realized, and maybe accepted is the accurate term, that I was created with a specific purpose to fill a hole. There is a perfect place for me and this is the time for it. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Acts 17:24-28. Verse 26 really hits me:

26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

Many times in my life I have felt out of place as though I were not in the "exact place" or time. I have allowed that to make me feel less than and as though I was not needed or important. I have felt secondary, as though I was just kind of here, existing, not adding much value. That kind of self-loathing can be felt and my self-rejection has lead to others rejecting me.

Recently, I have felt a stirring within me that is leading me to change. I can no longer allow this defeated mentality to drown me in its downpour. I know that I have so much to give. I long to serve and help others see their own value and find the place where they "fit." I want to draw the greatness out of them so that they can make an impact on this world!

This week I decided that if I'm a square peg that means there is a square opening somewhere waiting for me to fill it and again this is the time for it. I'm not just going to sit around and keep letting life happen to me. God has prepared me, anointed me and placed me here at this exact place and time. In His kingdom there are places for square pegs to fit. And as Mordecai said to Esther, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b)

Look out Aisha Nichole is about to happen to life!
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