28 September 2005

I'm Gonna Live Forever

Today as I avoid my work yet again I realize that I am not a good person. NEWSFLASH!! No this is not news to me but for some reason I'm thinking about it. I DON'T CARE. That is my problem. I always feel as though I am at war with myself over what I should be doing and whether or not what I do is right or wrong.
Black or white, dark or light, blindness and sight. Can you tell I grew up in church? No matter what I do I will never be the "Good Girl" (Woman of outstanding moral character) that I wanted to be. I ran myself into the ground trying to be "good". That lifestyle drove me crazy (literally). I liked myself better in those days, true. But, like everyone, I still had my fair share of issues. Now I exist and don't know what the hell for. What halfway redeeming qualities do I have? My own mom says I'm mean (harsh, yet true).
As far as I can tell there are only a couple of options and neither is appealing at the moment. I've got to figure this thing out.
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