20 November 2011


My heart longs to cry out in memory of you
To be warmed by your fire
The remembrance of the light you brought to life in me
yet you are so far and distant, removed, in a haze

But in that distant place you too long to be reconnected to me
for only with me can you be fulfilled

No other has what is inside me
If another were to attempt to take my place the product would be a forgery,
a cheap imitation, a false representation of what should be

Because I am for you solely as much as you are for me only

I will now seek to find you that I may fulfill the purpose for which I was sent
Will you come back to me though I sent you away?
Can we be reconciled for the greater mission?

Oh how I have missed you my dearest friend
won’t you come back to me my dream again?

written: 12/17/2010

14 November 2011

change challenge

Sometimes things have to change. You may want to continue on the same course but you know to get a new perspective you have to climb up to a higher place. From a higher place you can see more of what's before you.
Some change around you may come outside of what you can control and some change may be by your initiation but when you know it has come upon you, make the change. Dawdling is not attractive, people do not make it their life ambition to be friends with someone who cannot commit, someone who will not take a risk and try something different.
Somehow you have to find the courage, the strength of character to move forward. Decide to believe what you speak if you are a "faith-talker" and step out in faith. Walk out the course laid before and trust that the new challenge or change before you is the way that was prepared for you long ago.
Today, I'm tired of talking and I want to see and live in the season of change that has been prepared for me. It's not going to change until I decide to do something about it. I will make the changes and accept the new challenges before me. This time is so special and I do not want to miss it because of a fear.
I am taking back my dream.

09 November 2011


I want more, this simple, superficial surface-style, pop-up, drive-thru relationship simply won't do
I need more than a gospel of health and wealth, blab it and grab it, instant gratification and keep talking to soothe my itching ears "ministry"


I want to know why the apostles and so many other beloved, unnamed yet known and deeply loved early brothers and sisters were joyful in the face of confiscated  property and were willing to be made into a human fiery torch or be sawed in two or in some way lay down their life, which by the way they obviously no longer considered their own, and do so with dignity, grateful for the opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ and to be counted worthy to suffer in a manner similar to His. How could they do all this and I get nervous to even say Jesus at times because I fear what people may say. They knew Him and loved Him and lived only to please Him. Everything else was secondary.

Where is my heart like this? More, there is so much more that I still want to know about His love, His peace, His grace, His justice, His power, His healing, His divine government, his order. I want to know Him in the sense that any wife wants to know her husband as a lover, not withholding anything, giving Him all of me in a hope of a greater revelation of Him. I know everyone may not understand this burning desire but that is okay. I want more of Him and to be satisfied with that.

Constantly looking for the next quick fix in the bottom of a box like baking mix is not the way I want to live this life. Substance, weight - I want what I do to count for something, not just be the next big thing for 15 minutes of fame. In all honesty I'd rather you don't know my name but that you would know by the power of  a changed life that my Father showed up on the scene any time I was there. Can I point you to the one who showed me how to live life not ruled by my desires, my needs and what I thought was so important? Can I show you the beauty of having a Father in the life of a girl who grew up without a dad? Can I introduce you my obsession?


I want more of Him to shine through me. I want to love Him more. I want to look more like Him. More, never satisfied because someone thinks I've arrived. Less of me and my preoccupation with what you think about me but fully brimming over with what concerns Him. More emptying of self so that He can be my fulfillment, the joy of my desire.

My God the desperate plea sung by my heart is for more of You.