26 August 2005
Lost & Found
One night 3 years ago a close friend and I arrived early for a weekly Bible study meeting. We were both extremely tired and decided to nap in the car to pass the 30 minutes. Almost an hour later her cell phone rang. Her husband wanted to know if we were okay and to see if we were lost.
"No honey, we're not lost but apparently we're a bit misplaced."
One day some 12 years ago I was quite a bitter young woman. I had already decided love was for fools and friendship not worth the time and pain. I was fed up to the top of my 5'2" head. No more relationships! Ever!!
After an interesting series of events and being able to see myself for who I really was, I discovered different truths about myself. One came in accepting that my weakness came in admitting that I needed the very friendships I wanted to run away from. With the assistance of new friends and the Lenny Kravitz song "Heaven Help", I came to the startling conclusion that I did not have a lump of coal for my heart. I had a genuine, caring and friendly heart. (Scary to think) To put it simply I was Found.
Twelve years ago I decided to live my life as a committed Christian. I was found. In the light. Saved. However you choose to put it, I was with God. God had always been there but now I was definitely playing for the home team. Found!
Lots of truth comes with found. Lots of change, lots of love, lots of pain. Found! For the first time since I was a small child I was happy. I lived the life of a found soul and tried to find more souls to discover what Found felt like.
That was Found.
LOST. DARK. ALONE. ANGRY. SCARY. BITTER. MISERABLE. COLD. FEAR.
Who goes back to lost when Found is so amazing? I did. Two and a half years ago. It's actually easier to be Found when you are lost. Most times you don't really like being lost so when someone can give you directions to get you where you are going you jump on the opportunity.
But when you are misplaced.. you know exactly where you are and you know how to get where you need to be but for some reason or another you cannot seem to pull it together enough to follow your own directions. Sad isn't it.
Good girls get lost in the dark when they are alone, angry and scared. This continues to grow until you are bitter, miserable, cold and fearful. Or at least that's how it feels to me.