never say never

Never in my life did I expect to say the following statement:

I love working at the paper!

My fearless editor-in-chief and student publications director push the team to consider different ways to tell stories. In addition to writing the group is fortunate enough to learn to be creative through multimedia and digital storytelling. But selfishly I just want to focus on the writing part so I can become a better reporter.

I had an "aha" moment yesterday when I figured out it's thinking about those other things that will make me a better reporter. I took 10 minutes to walk outside the newsroom. I traded the walls and fluorescence for greenery and fresh air. I was able to clear my mind before I asked myself the question I hope I've learned to love:

"What's another, more interesting way I can tell this story?"

Within a few minutes I had an answer. I fought the urge to run back to the newsroom and really let the idea sink in. By the time I was back at the desk I was bursting with excitement to discuss the idea with my news editor. He liked it and helped streamline it for the best presentation.

The story is scheduled to publish tomorrow and I'm already thinking of creative supplementation for my other stories. And I'm excited about.

I never thought, imagined or dreamed that being a reporter would interest me. I've avoided it. I disliked the idea before I gave myself a chance to explore and see if reporting was for me.

I'm not telling you that I plan to do this for the rest of my life but I'm starting to see how so many are bewitched by journalism's charms. During spring break I read up on the current state of journalism, women in media and what's happening in the digital age. Seriously.

Even though I'm new at this I decided to change the way I view the newsroom. Yes it's a student publication and it's understood that it is a training ground, a place to learn. But I want to be sure I'm giving back. I'm challenging myself to go beyond.

I'm sure I said, "I'll never be a reporter," because I was afraid to try. I thought I would be bad at it, or say or do the wrong thing, and I dread deadlines. I allowed fear to become a limitation. I never gave myself a chance to do something I currently enjoy. How silly.

I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn. I'm changed by what I've seen and who I've been around. I'm going to give it my all.

Goodbye never.

#ProLove

Ladies and gentlemen of the church persuasion we simply have to do better. I saw something today that broke my heart. I will not go into detail but our brothers and sisters should not have to beg, plead and prove themselves for basic necessities. 

We have charitable arms of our churches and faith-based organizations doing what they can to help the community but we only allow them to do so much. Many of us are more eager to send money halfway around the world than we are down the street. [I love mission work so don't get caught up]

We make judgements on those around us. We think because of their need they've sinned or are immoral. We tell them if they had more faith or if they gave more in the offering they would be blessed. The judgements and this twisted thinking become a harsh standard to which those in need must measure up. 

What is wrong with us?

I'm not attempting to bring judgement. I'm checking my own heart. We have to open our eyes to the greater issue.

We have forgotten to LOVE.

I don't know what love looks like to you but there are times real love looks like discomfort. Doing things you don't want to, going somewhere you never thought you would or helping someone you'd rather not. But that's not always the case.

Personally I have experienced some great moments when I got out of my comfort zone and acted "for the sake of love".

I can't just write this and not let the change start with me. 

I've been a class A jerk lately because I'm in a rough patch. The issue has taken a lot of mental real estate, specifically in the area of patience. In other words I've been short-tempered. 

I have no excuse. Life has rough patches and I have to take it as it comes and love all the way through it. And I will. For those I've been short with or hurt I apologize. Please forgive me for not living the life of love and honor that I said I would. I've been too focused on my own little world.

Christians we have the uncommon weapons of love, honor, unity and repentance. We should use them.

After all the One we follow said:

John 13:34-35 Amplified

We're supposed to look like Love. It starts with me. Are you in?

simply amazing

hobbylobby.com

I am simply amazing.

I am not full of myself. Quite the opposite actually. I am plagued with self-doubt. I am challenged by the fear of failure. It is paralyzing. It is not good.

But the lies that I've rehearsed, rehashed and fed myself over and over again are just that, lies! They are not true. They cannot defeat me.

What is true?

I am good because I'm made in the image of God. I am loving and kind through the gift of repentance.

I am smart. God blessed me with that. It requires a lot of hard work. I may gain basic understanding quickly but without deeper investigation to take root, I will falter quickly. This means I actually have to read my textbooks and supplementary articles for practical application. When I don't read, I doubt my understanding even when I'm able to ace a test with general knowledge.

I am socially awkward. It's one of my quirks. It was recently confirmed that I am both strongly extroverted and introverted, an ambivert. I need just as much alone and quiet time to process life as I do social interaction. Still there are times I don't know how to interact with people. I get caught up in the "what will they think about me?" trap sometimes and if I hang out there it gets ugly. Then there are "life of the party" days and I work a room ensuring people are connecting and that all the wallflowers have a chance to meet new people.

I make mistakes, I say the wrong things, I hurt those who love me and am hurt by the same.

I offend when I don't mean to, I talk too much, I swear.

I have failed innumerable times and I keep trying, even though I'm afraid.

I am learning. I am a dreamer. I am a visionary.

I am a student, a journalist and public relations practitioner in training, I am a leader.

I am passionate, I love with my whole heart, I am loyal.

I am dedicated, I am persuasive, I am hard working.

I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a woman (a beautiful one at that!).

I am a child of God.

I am simply amazing.

And so are you.

magic words

Today I was told that I don’t have to suffer to make myself fit into a mold that I don’t within the workplace. I believe the words were, “I don’t want you to be miserable while you’re here.” Oddly I’m challenged by that concept, as I am accustomed to the hard way.

This is on the list of the most freeing, life-giving statements I’ve heard. It was more than the words because friends have said it. But the position, the office this person holds made all the difference.

It’s someone in authority. I’ve dealt with intense hurt from authority figures so my interactions with that crowd can be awkward. I didn’t realize how deep into my thoughts the hurt went and how much I allowed it to fuel my smoldering self-loathing.

I come from the school of thought that you go through what you have to until you get to where you going:

“Do what you must until you can do what you want.”

So I would get a job, whether or not it was getting me closer to my desired path and do my best to get the job done. This has worked for a while but I’m not a kid anymore. Surely this axiom has an expiration date.

Unfortunately the damage is that it is hard for me articulate what my “dream” career looks like as I’ve made a career of learning what’s necessary, adapting to the environment and blooming where I’m planted. I’ve worked to support everyone else’s dreams.

But after this talk, I think something broke, in a good way. Now I have Questions:

1.    What’s the big lie?

2.    When did I begin to believe and repeat it?

Answers

1.    The central lie is like an equation:

• Excellence = Perfection, Perfect execution, every time, no matter what, so
• Lack of Perfection = Failure, Failure is always bad and always fatal, thus
• Failure = Inexcusable

2.    This equation became a rule so long ago I don’t remember when I began to believe it. As a result, I don’t think highly of or believe in myself. I don’t regard myself kindly or trust myself. For some odd reason, I think I have to keep myself on a short tether.

Lies, all lies. Vicious, malicious whirlwind of darkness and distraction to the point of filling my mind and heart with crippling self-hatred lies. I don’t even realize how harsh my self-criticism is until someone calls me out for it. If I talked to friends the way I talk to myself, I wouldn’t have any friends.

Today someone asked me what I wanted to do then called me out when I spoke negatively about my ability to make it happen. She took time from her busy schedule to help me. She told me to give my best everyday and that there was no expectation of perfection from me. She said that I could be free to learn from the mistakes I will make. Again not new words but definitely from a different source. She invested in me and gave me a reason to believe in me.

Those beautiful magic words that showed concern for my well being did something to me. I was given a new equation to replace the old one. I literally carry it on a note card in an envelope that says “Open in case of emergency”

Excellence, not perfection.

There is so much freedom in this simple phrase. It is a challenge to the lie. It means that everyday I will give my best and be teachable. I don’t have to expect myself to be perfect. It means when I do make mistakes that I don’t have to fear wrath. I’m not being measured against an impossible standard. I am allowed to fail forward when necessary.

I am free to learn, grow and flourish right where I am and for that I am grateful.

extra! extra!

Image: business2community.com

Guess who's an official sob sister, newshawk? Your 1920s slang a little rusty? As of Friday I was offered a position as a news reporter with The Shorthorn, the University of Texas at Arlington's official and award-winning student publication.

Although I've enjoyed writing for many years I have never considered a career as a news reporter. But Aisha you're a journalism major, right? Yes but there was never a plan to become a reporter. After all everyone knows it's a path you pursue for the love of it, not the great pay. And trust me the pay is not the reason I accepted this job. Not at all.

I began the journey one year ago and noticed that now when I hear people say "{insert negative adjective here} media" a defensive reflex comes up in me. Don't get me wrong I don't play into the mass media pandemonium but I don't want to lump the great reporters who are upholding the standards of excellent journalism in with that crowd.

In any event my infinite curiosity, concern for communities and inability to sit still mean I'm a good candidate for this. Who knew that random combination would pay off? I have a beat to work, stories to develop and relationships to build with sources. This is the next step along the way and I'm both nervous and excited. I look forward to digging in, researching and growing.

Maybe I'll even make a difference. Looking up and ahead.