24 June 2016

Begin Again

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For some of us, finding our voice isn't the problem. We're blessed with one and we know it early on. Others look to us, those who seem to have no fear, to speak on their behalf. And we do, gladly, eagerly, because it's what we do. It's as natural as breathing.

But.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - or so I've heard. When you're young, you have to be taught to tame your tongue, to rein it in, because you can't always say everything you want when you want it. This is a delicate dance. Those in authority have to train the child without crushing their spirit. That’s difficult. Many of us push through even when crushed. Some may even speaker louder, longer, and more often.

But some - even the ones who seem to be the most fearless, lose a bit of themselves. We allow ourselves to be controlled by the reins of others, instead of learning the hoped-for self control. We have so much to say, so much to do, but fear we are wrong, fear we are unacceptable, fear we will be rejected, for using the very gift given to us.

So we sit still. Quiet. With a roar burning within. So much to say.

Occasionally, we may say something. It's well thought out, planned, researched, balanced instead of biased - but the moment the words run free so do the Tone Police, writing their citations of disagreement in the name of keeping the peace.

And so once again, we sit there - a champion who can represent a King, but sitting in silence, in the prison of caring what others think.

The most solitary of confinement. The warden, a public who wouldn't adore the most Perfect. And yet we long for their acceptance. A pat on the back, a "good job" or the like.

But.

We can't please or appease all. Some will not understand our fight, our plight, or the fire which burns within.

The sound of our voices is the sound of our freedom. If you want others to respect your rights, your freedom, it's not too much to ask for reciprocity. The space to live in dignity, free from the condemnation readily given just because we may have a differing opinion.

Now, here I am. At a crossroads and I am the only one who can adjust for my burden and carry my load. Another's opinion of my life is not a foundation I can build upon or currency I can spend. So I stand here, scared and scarred into a silence that has to end.

It's time to begin again.

Yes I said 'some' and 'us' and 'we' but that's only because sometimes it's hard to say 'me'.

Yes, this is my fight. This isn't where my story ends. This is a rebirth.

It's time to begin again.

I am greater than my faults and failing has never done me in. I'm standing for my freedom.

It's time to begin again.

I swam in the seas of doubt, and drowned in lies rehearsed with no end. But I refuse to stay under.

It's time to begin again.

I've been blamed for centuries of someone else's sin. But I was reborn as an innocent.

It's time to begin again.

I'm willing to fail forward, and work even smarter to finally win. Today, the lies found their end.

It is time to begin again.

The battle is on every side, so I choose discipline.

The greatness of humble meekness is what I wrap myself in.

That doesn’t make me a pushover, my learning isn’t thin.

I'm getting my mind right. I know that I will win.


Death, just lost its hold on me.

It's time to begin again.
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