We Asked for Better, You Gave Us Bitter

I hoped for better in my lifetime than a regression to the "days of yore." But really, that time is not what most romanticize it for, it's a dangerous, dark and deadly door.

Now, here we are, in the future with a penchant for a past that doesn't exist, except in the minds of creative and deceptive revisionists.

The same who want to tell me that a protest isn't right, that that is not how Americans fight. I'm sorry, I'm sure I didn't hear you right.

This America, founded as the home of the free and land of the brave, made up of people running who, we’re told, didn’t want to be religious slaves. The ones who decided the rule and dare I say, oppression, of a king wasn't really their thing.

This America, taken from the hands of those who owned the lands through deceit and forced migrations, and stipulations that the indigenous are still paying for. You won’t even look at the receipt. Reservations set at a table at which no one should have to eat. The sky was the border until you brought disorder, and now they die bound on set lands.

Heritage and pride, ancestry and thriving lives, in your eyes, reduced to mascots.

This America, where we fight for a corporate logo instead of the people it purports to represent. How terribly indecent, how far our descent into insensitivity. And yet you say to just get over it.

This America, built on the backs of the blacks, forced from homes and brought here through abhorrent means. The families and lives destroyed, the pain of their humanity, traded as they were demeaned to be property.

Demons. Sexually immoral. Lazy. In need of a leader. Too feeble. Weak. ⅗ of a man. Childlike. Unable to speak up for themselves. To be coddled because they are ignorant. And still we pay the bill for these thoughts.

Like the native peoples, referred to as savages. Yet those who did these terrible things flipped through passages of a Bible that says "whosoever will" will be free indeed. Using the name of Jesus to enact the most horrible deeds.

This America, where a messaging strategy brought a thing created called Manifest Destiny, that is revered as the will of God. But it was an excuse used to confuse, to lay claim to what wasn’t yours- and as we still love to do, we came in kicking down doors, taking what’s not ours.

And now, you’re sour. Your greatest fear is that another group will come here and do what you did. You close your borders to those just like you and become hoarders of this so-called liberty that was once extended, but now is to be defended through hatred.

This America, where the poor are the problem. Where we laugh at the uneducated as we take their books and close their schools. We point at them on TV and refer to them as fools. We claim to be pro-life but let families starve with no regard for their hardship. We regale stories of grandads working hard, forgetting the subsidies that helped them to charge forward.

Programs of government were OK back in the day when the benefit went only to you. But now we talk about “hand outs” and “free stuff” as if no one has the guts to put in a full day’s work. You say, “If only the poor weren’t so lazy,” yet that’s obviously crazy when they’re balancing a job or two, and still can’t do what’s basic.

“Get an education!” But it’s hard to get one when charters are the new destination for segregation keeping the “separate but equal” lie alive. Here take this loan but don’t bemoan the 200% interest at which you must pay it back. And here they are, the educated and poor, living in lack.

Or what of those who work trades? Whose work was sent away, in the name of corporate greed, but we like to call by it’s acceptable name, profitability. We blame technology for the end of skilled labor but don’t talk about overseas sweatshops filled with penny-a-day wagers.

We blame the poor, on whom we shut the door and give low ceilings and slap them in the face when they come appealing for more. We take their chances for greatness in the name of morality and tell them to bootstrap their reality and that it will all be OK.

This America, where we like abstractions of the truth and distractions from the proof our own guilt. This truly wonderful place built with slave labor, poor families, immigrants and the indigenous so that our own tycoons could get rich. Then even richer and sell us a picture of what could be, if it weren’t for the “other guy” standing next to me; creating a dichotomy of us versus them, where we fight, only for the ones with no skin in, to win.

This America, where coded language is used to assuage guilt and incite hate. Turning brother against brother, each of us against one another, but we’re to believe in the beneficence of an oppressor, that has been the distressor since our story began.

Blame me, tell me I’m the problem. Yet I was born to solve them, to dismantle systems of destruction. Tell me, I’m the one who’s sedated, lulled to sleep by the lies of the “liberal media.” Who is always to blame when they shine light on the games you play. The check to your unbalance, only true when they agree with you. But the same media, guilty of being your tool to spread lies that defy the humanity of the “minority.”

And now, you’ll say I’m un-American and shame me for reading through history and revealing the artistry of your well-crafted lies. You tell me to, “Shut up!” because you despise the tune of my song. You say that I’m complaining, but, in truth, I love my home. Tears at “Oh say can you see?” But for me, I can see. I know my freedom isn’t free. Far too many paid a hefty price for me. No, not ungrateful; tired. Too much blood watering seeds sown in the hopes of a better future.

Better. My grandmother worked hard for better. My mother integrated schools for better. My sister and I live to bring better. Yet today, you’ve shown me that in this America, swallowing a bitter pill of recognition and repentance is not an option.

You're bitter that the “old ways” aren’t good enough. Bitter, that you cannot say and do what generations taught you was cool. Bitter because things got better for more than just you.

You're bitter that you’re not better than all the rest. Bitter that your lies must be laid to rest. Bitter that we won’t rest until better has come through. Better will be better for you, too.

Now come on, we’ve all got work to do.

For a while it may be bittersweet, but the fight will only be complete when you dismantle the inferior systems of supremacy. Or you can choose to stay bitter. But that’s not the route for me. I am moving on to better, because I refuse to accept defeat.

© 2016 Aisha Nichole Willis

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

You want to hush my zeal.

You laugh at my #Activism.

You tell me it isn't real.

You say “Martin wouldn't do that.”

But you forget you killed him too.

I ask you to have empathy.

Something you refuse to do.

And if I say I love my blackness.

You tell me to take it back.

“Because that love excludes all others.”

Another lie you use to attack.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

You tell me it's no big deal.

You say that we’re no angels.

To invalidate how we feel.

You say that we are violent.

But lynching was up to you.

You’ll say that I’m the racist.

My life proves that isn’t true.

You’ll lie about our fathers.

Then ignore statistical facts.

You spread your hatred, calling it news.

And try to tell me how to be black.

You want me to make you comfortable.

Or to look a certain way.

I’m still looking for some empathy.

But it didn’t come today.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

You tell me my fate is sealed.

Because I’m tinted with melanin.

You think I’m OK to kill.

I’ve sat for years in silence.

And taken my requests to God.

He never told me to ignore violence.

It’s time for Justice to do her job.

There is much work to be done.

And you can come and lend a hand.

You can ask many questions.

But stop making silly demands.

If I want to cry, I’m going to.

And if I feel a protest is right.

That is where you will find me.

Until others have seen the light.

Go ahead and listen to the lies.

Under the wings of those who yell.

Who tell you that we’re looting.

Who tell you that we’ll fail.

But in hundreds of years of oppression.

You have never truly won.

So tell me again how this is senseless.

I refuse to be numb.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

It’s time for our nation to heal.

Your discomfort will not stop me.

My voice you’ll never steal.

If my sound annoys you.

Then go ahead and mute.

But many other freedom fighters.

Will follow our noble pursuit.

We are no longer quiet.

We have more stories to tell.

You will hear us in solidarity.

Listen for our quiet yell.

-©Aisha Nichole Willis 2015-

that moment when

That cathartic moment when I finally let go and let God.

I'm not trying to tell you I've suddenly figured it out but I realized God had told me something AND that I had not acted on it yet. At issue, I thought I had been obedient. I stepped out. I left the comfortable place physically where all was right. I made a crazy decision and I followed it.

Somehow, today in a moment, I realized I was literally holding on to fear with one hand, and trying to carry out, with hindered faith, what I'd been called to do with the other. I did not believe I was moving anywhere close to my goals. Perhaps I thought I was going in another circle, doomed to repeat yet another cycle of failure. But something has broken off, changed.

I'm not repeating or rehearsing those old moves anymore.

Have you ever tried to type with one hand and get a vast amount of work done? That's akin to what I was doing. I was holding on to the idea that "if only x, y, z, 1, 2, and 3 all line up then I can really..."

But I know that's not how it works. Sometimes you just have to cut loose, let go of everything safe and disappear below the surface of the water. You have to take the first step before you see the full staircase.

Today is February 2, 2015 and I decided let go.

If I look foolish, it's better than being proven a fool for not trying.

If I make mistakes, I won't die, I'll learn and grow.

If I get lost, I'll ask for direction. I am blessed with many mentors.

If...

That's the deal, it's not about if anymore.

I posted about "almost" before, "if" is just as bad.

I can. I will. I must.

I am drawn to this place in the future where great change has occurred because I stepped up to play my role.

I have never, and I mean this, felt so free as I do in this moment.

God told me something and I decided to believe Him and align with His plans.




end note: I wrote this early one morning in February 2015 and somehow never hit publish. I still remember typing this, that feeling I had. I didn't know what all was coming and it was unsettling to say the least. But this moment, has to be remembered and recorded, so I'm hitting publish today, which is May 8, 2016. 
I'm not going to let "if" get in my way. I believe what He said to me.

almost

Almost is a terrible thing I've allowed to happen too often in my life.

I have more times than I can count, according to others around me, been so close to a desired outcome- only to come up short.

I am a reluctant leader, because more times than not, once placed in a position of leadership, I would do something human and be asked why I did what I did. My motives questioned, and my leadership skills minimized.

I have almost measured up to my own brilliance my entire life, but never apparently really reached it.

All I've ever heard about is how much potential I have. I unfortunately let this color my view of me. Apparently I've never done anything well enough- after all if you're not rising to your potential, that's what is being said right? Maybe that's not true and a bit too harsh, but in my gray matter- that's the message I've repeated. The folds in my brain go to pathways and triggers of pain when someone mentions my potential.

I have learned the hard way that I don't fear failure, I fear the effects of success. Once you succeed, when you gloriously mess up, you're paraded around as a fool and then told, you never really were that good to begin with. Must have been a fluke.

I have always been a bit responsibility shy. But I also don't like disorder and I love to solve problems, so I put my head down and get to it, only to be told what I am doing is not needed. Until I'm replaced by someone with credentials and a cool brand who comes along and says the same thing.

I'm told repeatedly to quiet down and watch what I say because I have a way with words, and because of that I have a responsibility. And often times I follow,  I chill only to be asked why it's so difficult to get an answer out of me.

Almost.

I'm tired of almost.

Yes, I'm ranting and complaining. But I can only point the finger at me. I'm a grown up and my decisions and actions are my responsibility. Where does that leave me?

I'm done with almost.

If I gloriously fail, then I'll fabulously learn, regroup and do it better the next time.

At some point I have to accept that I am not, nor will I ever be perfect. TODAY IS THAT DAY. I have made many mistakes but I have also grown and changed.

At some point I have to accept that I am not bad at what I do, I am new at what I do. TODAY IS THAT DAY. By accepting this, I hereby give myself permission to learn, to do the hard stuff, to swing and miss AND on many occasions get a hit, round the bases and bring it home. I don't always have to score, but I do have to step up to the plate.

My mistakes do not define me, they molded me. Mistakes are scars that say at least I tried. There have been many times I was kinetic, moving toward my goals. Tearing into life and enjoying it, for the sake of enjoyment. Not trying to prove myself.

There it is. I've been trying to prove I'm more than potential to someone, God only knows who- because right now, I'm surrounded by people who are encouraging me, who love me despite me.

At some point I have to accept that I am worthy of love. You know what? No matter what TODAY IS THAT DAY!

Today I declare personal freedom from my own prison of perfection, my desire to steer clear of foolishness for the sake of a wreath bestowed by whoever that says I've finally reached some mythical plateau of potential.

I'm not going to chase this high called reached potential any more. I'm doing everything I can to be the best me I can be.

ALL IN!

simply amazing

hobbylobby.com

I am simply amazing.

I am not full of myself. Quite the opposite actually. I am plagued with self-doubt. I am challenged by the fear of failure. It is paralyzing. It is not good.

But the lies that I've rehearsed, rehashed and fed myself over and over again are just that, lies! They are not true. They cannot defeat me.

What is true?

I am good because I'm made in the image of God. I am loving and kind through the gift of repentance.

I am smart. God blessed me with that. It requires a lot of hard work. I may gain basic understanding quickly but without deeper investigation to take root, I will falter quickly. This means I actually have to read my textbooks and supplementary articles for practical application. When I don't read, I doubt my understanding even when I'm able to ace a test with general knowledge.

I am socially awkward. It's one of my quirks. It was recently confirmed that I am both strongly extroverted and introverted, an ambivert. I need just as much alone and quiet time to process life as I do social interaction. Still there are times I don't know how to interact with people. I get caught up in the "what will they think about me?" trap sometimes and if I hang out there it gets ugly. Then there are "life of the party" days and I work a room ensuring people are connecting and that all the wallflowers have a chance to meet new people.

I make mistakes, I say the wrong things, I hurt those who love me and am hurt by the same.

I offend when I don't mean to, I talk too much, I swear.

I have failed innumerable times and I keep trying, even though I'm afraid.

I am learning. I am a dreamer. I am a visionary.

I am a student, a journalist and public relations practitioner in training, I am a leader.

I am passionate, I love with my whole heart, I am loyal.

I am dedicated, I am persuasive, I am hard working.

I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a woman (a beautiful one at that!).

I am a child of God.

I am simply amazing.

And so are you.

encouraged by me?

Today I found myself being encouraged by myself. A little over a year ago I was praying for a situation in someone else's life. This person was battling sickness in their body and facing surgery. I committed to praying for this person at a set time each day. Many others were doing the same as this is a rather beloved person. In any case one day just after my daily time, I found myself having a hard time concentrating on the work before me. The words and numbers seemed to swim before my very eyes instead of lining up as they should. I could not make sense of the simplest task but instead of being worried I was surprisingly calm.

I could feel and seemingly hear my heartbeat which seemed to have a different cadence than normal. My eyes although intently gazing into the monitor no longer were taking in the data before me and my breathing seemed to flow along with the rhythm of my heart. I was sitting at my desk but I was so far away. Then it began. It was as if I were listening to an old song that was a favorite. I could hear a lyric in my ear and the sound waves carried it along until it crashed into my heart and I realized I had never heard this before.

There was a story unfolding from deep within me and I was so caught up in it I almost lost the opportunity to write it down. I had to come up for air to capture the first few lines of what would become a declaration of war against the things coming against my friend's life. Rather quickly I penned (okay typed) the first four stanzas; it was as if the words bled right out of my fingertips. And once the last words were on the page, I was back at my desk in that moment of time. The data came together and worked seemed interminable because the desire of my heart was to complete this sudden almost melodic chain of thought.

When I arrived home I reviewed the words over and over especially the last stanza. It seemed to float in midair, no quite connected to what was before it fully but also not so dissimilar either. "Where do you belong?" I questioned the phrases and almost expected an answer. I wanted to write this. I felt it all the way through my body. Anytime it would come to mind it really seemed as though my heart would beat in time with the poem. I wondered if the great masters felt the same way in their development stages.

Five days later, I realized it was not disassociation of topics but a simple transition into the next part of the story. The cadence was perfect. I finished it. This work simply titled The Fight was complete and prayerfully ready to encourage its intended recipients. I later learned that it did. I began to share it with others too. My goal with these poems and spoken word pieces is to encourage. Many felt this and helped me back on my path to writing regularly. I have been glad to do so. Writing helps me to deal with everyday life.

So today while facing some challenges of my own I stumbled across a copy of this poem. I specifically chose to print in on a red background with white lettering. I wanted this one to stand out. After all it is a declaration of spiritual fighting words. As I sat there reading the words, almost astonished that they came from my pen, I found myself sitting up straighter and being reminded of the Bible verses that inspired some of the lines. I began to remember who and Whose I am. I "encouraged myself" in the Lord. He has me in everything, even these scary parts of the journey and I no longer have to be afraid. He gave me the courage to fight the battles I always thought would defeat me. I will not fall over defeated because He gave me the greatest victory in His love.

hope, meaning and power

I've noticed that some people like to take biblical principles and teach them as "new revelations of the principles of the elemental truth of the way the world works" and not give proper credit to the Lord who is their Creator Who gave them wisdom to have their "new revelations." The principles work because they are rooted in the way God set up the world but in our hubris we humans think we're teaching the "latest concept" to the starving masses. Unfortunately because so many people do not have a foundation in the word of God, disunity in the Body of Christ and incongruent teaching on how He speaks to us in this day, it is easy to miss Him in what should be obvious.

Speaking positively over yourself and others and shaping your future by speaking where you want to go and what you would like to see are the ways in which God has always ordered creation. After all in the beginning God did say, "Let there be..." and there was AND it was good. He spoke, He set in order, creation came forth. It's not a secret, I promise ;)

In my own fight to push out of darkness, I have found the effectiveness of declaring His word over my life and others and speaking well of myself and others. This has made me have to change how I think about myself. One of the ways I implemented this was to create the wall in the picture above. I call it my Word Wall of Encouragement. Instead of repeatedly saying negative things about myself, speaking death, I have to make the daily decision to speak life. Proverbs 18:21

Below are two affirmation statements that I wrote to declare over my life that have encouraged me. I have others for my family and friends and situations in the world at large. I pray that these bless you and I encourage you to take the time to write out and speak statements of truth and faith over your life, your loved ones, the situations around you and the issues you are passionate about. You may find in doing so you start a chain reaction that leads to great change.

#1
You are looking at one of the most powerful forces in the universe: a woman who knows the Truth, her purpose and has been empowered by the acceptance of her original redeemed and restored, God-given authority by the work of Christ. Good day world I'm coming for you.

#2
Lord Jesus when I look to You, I have hope for my past, meaning in my present and power for my future!

• Hope that my past is not the sum total of who I am, will be and what I am subject to. There are no limits to what I can achieve because You have brought redemption to me.
• Meaning and definition of purpose and peace to attack the challenges that I was born anointed to correct.
• Power to go forward and take the mountain with the confidence of Caleb that the Lord has given me the victory.

believe

I believe...
In the face of pain, contradiction and things seemingly falling apart, I believe that the greatest peace I have ever known is upon me. Today I am tired and emotionally drained but I believe that I am about to be restored, refreshed, renewed and rebuilt in a way that may be surprising to others. I choose to believe today because I know Him whom holds my world.

I believe that now is the time for a difference and to truly move beyond my past. I know what's been but I am excited to see what will be. I believe that every need already has the necessary provision and that I am about to experience a better education than any number of years at the most prestigious university could buy. I believe that I will see the fruit of what I've learned over recent years manifest in the form of uncommon wisdom when it is tempered with prayer and seeking His face.

I believe that my faith has already been strengthened and will only continue to grow. I believe this timing is not a coincidence. I believe it's time to become more acquainted with my Lord, love my family, serve with my whole heart and have fun living. I believe it's time to repent and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I believe I am free and I believe in that I am available to change the world. I truly believe.

shift gears: thrive

Did I not declare that I would bring change?

How many times have I told you that waiting is not what it seems to you?

I do My work while you are asleep

I shift and rearrange so you won’t taste defeat

I made you victorious, My beloved one

Your challengers were destroyed long ago by My Son

Though time may seem short, My plan’s already begun

I’ll tell you again, you’ve already won!

Walk as I tell you and speak My decrees,

The quieter you live the more of Me they will see

Everything you need, I already have

Come follow Me, your Ever Loving Dad

I will never give up, just give in to Me

Surrender in peace, I Am all that you need

I’ve given you this story, I brought it to life

You my beautiful one are now fully alive

I’ve place My Spirit in you, anointed you for the task

Do you need anything of Me? The key is to ask

I’ve set you up to prepare My Son’s bride

Speak to the nations, reconcile and revive!

Worry no more for I send you this day

Command every mountain to move out of your way

I Am truly with you, not only by your side

I flow from within you

It’s with My love that you Thrive!

originally written Nov 26 2011

the difference

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to live how I live

It was time for me to do what I do, but Something in me said it's time to give

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to do what I do

Suddenly something began to make sense

I won’t make an excuse; it’s time to make a difference

I refuse to just sit on the fence, living the life of the independent

I’ll give it all, yet gain inheritance; Live life to the full, extraordinary existence

In His wisdom, missteps of my past were divinely directed to intersect with His Path

What appeared to be an ending, unfair treatment and failure,

brought me courage, compassion, the strength to endure,

it trained me to continue in expectant hope and diligently seek a new future

To this day it doesn't all make sense

But instead of the excuse

I’ll make the difference

I won't stand around and live to complain

No matter the circumstance, in the face of pain

in the darkest of night, seasons without rain

I will yet worship and my praise be intense

Because I refuse to make the excuse, instead I'll make the difference

What can I do? I am only one and this challenged world carried alone weighs a ton

but my Lord told me if I'd only just believe and expect to see Him, that great things I would see

I know He's seeded His vision in my heart and every time I surrender, the shell breaks apart

and what's been planted grows strong with deep root

He's preparing me for the work that He sent me to do

And it’s out of the box, and it might cause a shock or a stir or bring change to this religious game

I’d rather seek comfort, have others love my name

Not be known as weird or obtuse

This is the time that I would do what I do

This is where I’d offer the excuse
I may never be understood or ever make sense

But today, no more excuses I was born to make a difference

ready

***Today's feature is brought to you by the Get Over Yourself Group in partnership with It's time to Grow Up Coalition, all under the Grace and Love of God the Ancient, Eternal, Everlasting One.***

I declare openly today that I no longer have a confidence problem. I am not shy, I am not weak or feeble and easily run over. In prayer the Lord reminded me of a few things:

1. I have the deposit of God's Holy Spirit deeply rooted, let's say hardwired, into the core of who I am. He is the seal, the guarantee that I am in God's Family. He works in me to live the full life that I am to live in Christ. He provides the strength, love, honor and armor for life.

2. I have the mind of Christ. I can look at every situation life throws at me through His eyes and understand that He is bigger, better and more powerful than any problem, opponent or spirit that tries to roll up on me. I don't have to know everything because I know Him who does.

3. As I learned recently at church, I was given access to the blessing of Abraham through Christ Jesus' death and resurrection. The three main components of that blessing are elevation, possession and dominion. I can use each right now in every area of my life. I am excited about the opportunity this affords me to bless others.

4. Did I mention that because of the torn veil, I now have access and can run in to the Lord's arms at any time? I can pray, praise and worship Him at close range. No one goes before Him on my behalf, I can enter into His throne room and adore Him and speak with Him at anytime. I love Him! And even better I know He is crazy about me; Yes Jesus loves me!

5. I know the power of His name and can call Him for wisdom, discernment and healing at anytime. I know He loves His children and has given great gifts and wants to continue to pour out blessings in the form of miracles, signs and wonders.  I have authority in my prayer to send the word He speaks to me so that situations will change. Many will see and come to know Him. Their hearts will turn to Him in praise. And in discipling those we will see the change that everyone is looking for that can only be found in Jesus.

In view of this, knowing that I am fully loved and completely accepted by the Eternal Father, the One Who Is Love- what do I have to fear? Why would I hold myself back or sabotage my growth? Well I won't because I know I can bring everything before Him and he will show me the way to go.

I will walk forward READY. 2012 let's go!

dream out loud!

In the most honorable way possible, it is time to dream out loud! Wake up! Yes you were called to dream and to walk the journey of it and live it out. Yes you fresh from your last defeat, come back in from the distraction and forgive those who took you off course with deceit.

It's your dream, the seed that He has divinely sown into your spirit. Every dart, arrow and spear of the enemy has come against to challenge what you know. These tests have revealed what's really inside you, the Kingly character and the flesh moments too. Not my favorite to see but there is a need to purify, protect and prepare.

Decide to stand firm on the strength and certitude of the Word, remind yourself of His faithfulness and write down the dream, speak the dream, prophesy over it to bring life to it, then get on with the business of dreaming out loud! Go!

shift gears: revive

The time is now; a shift just occurred; we absolutely can take back this world.
He has prepared us for now, worship and praise, lift up an atmosphere that resurrects dreams from graves. Take hold of the word He has planted in you, wrestle with it until you know it’s true.
Then run with this vision, gain strategy and plan, get in position to receive His victory and stand. Unable to be moved, bathed in radiant light, and your eyes set on Him, you just won this fight!
Now take this anointing wherever you go, be mindful not to hinder the flow.
What you have at hand is the 1st sphere that will change and catch like a fire with effects at long range. Keep your passion alive and in Jesus be true you will witness the birthing of life brand new.
Do not settle for what was, refuse to face defeat, take it all back in Jesus, our Commander and King!

the things which we speak

Death and life anxiety and expectation complaints or gratitude fear or faith rejection or acceptance. The expectation I have for what this time holds is almost intoxicating. Life in faith, thanksgiving in everything... life is indeed breaking out. Ah the season has changed. Fear wins no more battles here-VICTORY is the banner over me. A word received in obedience can change the world... it all changes now. I will, I already have succeeded. Write the vision, make it plain...