that moment when

That cathartic moment when I finally let go and let God.

I'm not trying to tell you I've suddenly figured it out but I realized God had told me something AND that I had not acted on it yet. At issue, I thought I had been obedient. I stepped out. I left the comfortable place physically where all was right. I made a crazy decision and I followed it.

Somehow, today in a moment, I realized I was literally holding on to fear with one hand, and trying to carry out, with hindered faith, what I'd been called to do with the other. I did not believe I was moving anywhere close to my goals. Perhaps I thought I was going in another circle, doomed to repeat yet another cycle of failure. But something has broken off, changed.

I'm not repeating or rehearsing those old moves anymore.

Have you ever tried to type with one hand and get a vast amount of work done? That's akin to what I was doing. I was holding on to the idea that "if only x, y, z, 1, 2, and 3 all line up then I can really..."

But I know that's not how it works. Sometimes you just have to cut loose, let go of everything safe and disappear below the surface of the water. You have to take the first step before you see the full staircase.

Today is February 2, 2015 and I decided let go.

If I look foolish, it's better than being proven a fool for not trying.

If I make mistakes, I won't die, I'll learn and grow.

If I get lost, I'll ask for direction. I am blessed with many mentors.

If...

That's the deal, it's not about if anymore.

I posted about "almost" before, "if" is just as bad.

I can. I will. I must.

I am drawn to this place in the future where great change has occurred because I stepped up to play my role.

I have never, and I mean this, felt so free as I do in this moment.

God told me something and I decided to believe Him and align with His plans.




end note: I wrote this early one morning in February 2015 and somehow never hit publish. I still remember typing this, that feeling I had. I didn't know what all was coming and it was unsettling to say the least. But this moment, has to be remembered and recorded, so I'm hitting publish today, which is May 8, 2016. 
I'm not going to let "if" get in my way. I believe what He said to me.

thinking out loud

Although I'm not likely to start a novel anytime soon, I would like to write and publish at least one in my lifetime. It's definitely a dream.

I'm in love with good story-telling and want to produce worthwhile stories. I take it pretty seriously.

I am writing down every single, stinking idea I have because I don't know which one will lead to the corridor that takes me into a great hall of story goodness. After all you never know what will catch on.

What do I mean? Put simply:

If freaking Twilight can be a thing, like seriously a massive thing that's a burgeoning genre THING, then surely I can write something that people will connect with.

And let's not forget the disgustingly famous fan-fiction-turned-best-seller that spawned from Twilight, the Fifty Shades thing.

Really? Both.
Best-sellers. Movies. (how does one make a 50 Shades movie that isn't considered pornography?)
Award-winning authors?

Eh.

I've decided, if that could happen, then surely I can do this!

And I God help me, I can do it better.

He said

If the word of God had an expiration date we would live in the dark.

I'm grateful for His words "Let there be...", "Let Us make...", "It is finished." and many, many more.

He spoke, life is, and nothing changes that. 

He Is immutable. He does not give up, He always loves, always hopes, always protects. He never fails. His promises are yes.

I'm fighting to understand, grab hold of and live from the valuable, simplicity of what He says.

a declaration of legacy

I stand I call I speak to the nations!
Will you be a part of that beloved generation?
The ones who will perceive and faithfully declare
in the face of every obstacle and intense warfare
Can I ask that you be those who will finally believe
today beginning with me is a great legacy?

Yes our story began long before this date and time
and I know there are undesirables in every one of our lines
but we are more than a mistake or someone’s old regret,
our lives aren’t random chance spun on a wheel with placing of bets

No from before the beginning we were seeds in a field divine
and in the fullness each thereof we have sprouted into life
Now it’s our turn to reproduce after we faithfully align
His cultivation has been planned and He husbands each of our lives
and despite threatening toxicity we are pushing through to thrive

We don’t have to force anything, not bound by links of shame,
fear and doubt may be the wind in our faces but at the sound of the Most High Name
these foes must flee and we will fight because we know confidently,
we must live it in order to leave it, now is our time for legacy

Today we’re free with higher aim; impossible is the challenge we gain;
stronger, here to fortify future links within this chain
We know the vision and take our stand because in His hands is the Master Plan
We know our privilege in in this place, supplications for the mercy to take
freedom from the past and receive the present for the world is at stake

Resolutely moving forward, the light of influence never defeated,
seeking recompense for our forefathers defrauded and deceitfully cheated
In those days our ancestors may have given the enemy his due
but we were birthed to obliterate that curse and now it’s time for our move

We speak to every mountain our dominion was long foretold
We know Whose we are and what we’re anointed to take ahold
We are unified together and no oppression will stop us cold
Look out world; it’s time for a change brought on by His children so bold

You can take your traditions and your religion so full of conditions
But as heirs we cry out for more, we are going beyond intentions
We have tasted the age to come so the pressure of contradiction
Only serves to activate our faith to breakthrough to another dimension

We know our decisions today shape the landscape of tomorrow
We will not leave behind us souls who have to beg and scrape and borrow
The restoration of families and the discipling of nations
This gospel of the Kingdom taught to bring reconciliation

This is the change, the “thing” everyone is longing to see

Yes we stand as a generation gratefully willing to be the seed

We will shine the light and give our all to complete this destiny

And history will be our witness that we chose the great victory

So as we stand together and we share in this declaration

We know we have true power; there is no room for imitation

We will leave an inheritance, an overflow of abundance

Wisdom and truth will guide them and faith will be the substance

They will see order restored, and the ones to come redeemed

because you and I submitted and we purposely received,

the word of truth and purest hearts, uncommon weapons as these

are the greatest in our arsenal when it’s time to route deceit.

This virtuous cycle is the impetus that will form

wholeness in our day and hope for what’s to come

joy as we stand together preparing the Bride for the Son

these are the foundations of His soon and coming kingdom

We are as in the beginning in His image with authority

Walking in this restoration with the Seal of the great family

Through revelation we are conduits to set the captives free

We yield to bring heaven to earth; this is our divine legacy.

©2012 Aisha Nichole Willis

#NaPoWriMo2014

i am here

I am here because I was sent
I was sent because of a plan
I don't know the whole plan
I walk obediently following a call
I'm not good at walking by faith
Everyday I face fear and doubt
Sad to say right now I lose, a lot
You know what?
I am still here because I was sent
There is still a plan
Everyday a little more is revealed
I make decisions because I am not to aimlessly wander
I have been given gifts
My gift is making room for me
Not because of me or anything I've done
It's a spiritual law
Spiritual laws, like natural ones are always in effect
I can work with or against the goodness of the future
I'm not giving up or giving in
I don't know the details of how now gets worked out
I just know it does and it works well
I will not come this way again
I will not be held back or delayed anymore
Let go of what's mine
I see this trick for what it's been
I won't be  your puppet on a string
I'm not going crazy, I'm going free
He called me here
He made a way
He prepared and sent provision
He always wins

practically speaking: something different, part 2

The practical side of something different. First, I have to speak differently. Lately I have seen the fruit of this so much clearer in my life. Whether I choose to accept this or not self-talk navigates me to actions. I tried to fight this and learned, once again, foundational truths cannot be changed just because I will it so. So what am I saying different? Have I become Stuart Smalley? No, not quite.  I choose to remind myself of the following:

I am God's woman, His daughter, His anointed. He alone gave me gifts but even those do not determine who I am. He fully accepts me, is invested in me and sealed me with His love. I breathe His breath every time I am privileged to wake up and nothing stops that. He made a special plan just for my life and no one stops that. I walk in restored authority. I am smart and gentle, powerful and strong, loving and forgiving, gracious and beautiful, precious and honored because I am in His image. I am blessed, I am provided for, I am good!

Now this may not seem like much but when I consider what I may have said even 6 months ago about myself, I can say this is a world of change! I am not even going to type out those words because I do not want to go back that way again.  The Bible overflows with the truths of how He created me, what He thinks about me and how much He loves me. When I need to know what really matters I go there first. When it comes to how my thinking affects my life four key scriptures in this battle are listed below.

Proverbs 18:20-21
A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; From the produce of his lips he shall be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
(What in the world am I saying about my life, family, friends and situations around me if I am going to be filled with what I say?)

Proverbs 23:7a
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
(I can say "just kidding" when I say something negative about myself but my behaviors and physical appearance will reflect what I truly think about myself)

Proverbs 27:19
As in water face reflects face, So a man's heart reveals the man.
(Ditto)

Romans 12:1-2
I beseech you, therefore, brethren by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
(Am I being transformed in my thinking to line up with the truths in the Bible or am I being conformed by what happens to me or lies I have said about myself?)

Whether through friends, teachers, bosses, books I am reading or pastors God has been driving home the message of the power of the words I speak over my life. I am accountable for the information I receive so I am choosing to accept this truth and change accordingly. The beautiful thing about this is the fact that I know that I will see great things. If after years of tearing myself down and not believing the truth and receiving the darkness that comes with that, then I fully expect to see radiant light and life in me from here forward. I am expecting the miraculous more than ever before. In being kinder to myself it seems that I have even become more encouraging to others around me, able to reach out to see more in others. That is exciting! I have another practical to share on this but I will continue next time.

Additional resource:
Click here and you will be redirected to the Covenant Church media page. Select the message from Sunday, July 8 "The Keystone" (either audio or video) It will bless you and perhaps challenge your thinking.

believe

I believe...
In the face of pain, contradiction and things seemingly falling apart, I believe that the greatest peace I have ever known is upon me. Today I am tired and emotionally drained but I believe that I am about to be restored, refreshed, renewed and rebuilt in a way that may be surprising to others. I choose to believe today because I know Him whom holds my world.

I believe that now is the time for a difference and to truly move beyond my past. I know what's been but I am excited to see what will be. I believe that every need already has the necessary provision and that I am about to experience a better education than any number of years at the most prestigious university could buy. I believe that I will see the fruit of what I've learned over recent years manifest in the form of uncommon wisdom when it is tempered with prayer and seeking His face.

I believe that my faith has already been strengthened and will only continue to grow. I believe this timing is not a coincidence. I believe it's time to become more acquainted with my Lord, love my family, serve with my whole heart and have fun living. I believe it's time to repent and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I believe I am free and I believe in that I am available to change the world. I truly believe.

square peg

I've heard it said that you should save for a rainy day. I wish I could tell you I had the perfect emergency fund stashed away and that I was prepared financially for any sudden changes in life. Alas, I cannot say that and it be true. However, today I sit here and I can tell you that on Monday, it rained in my life. I cannot go into much detail at the moment but there will be a significant change in my life soon.

I realized something today and I wanted to capture it in words. I may not have a financial overflow or all the wisdom and training in life to fill this hole but I realized, thanks be to God that in Him I have been filled with a knowing that keeps me from feeling as though there is a hole in me, that there is something lacking or inherently faulty. I'm not defective. Additionally I realized, and maybe accepted is the accurate term, that I was created with a specific purpose to fill a hole. There is a perfect place for me and this is the time for it. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Acts 17:24-28. Verse 26 really hits me:


26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

Many times in my life I have felt out of place as though I were not in the "exact place" or time. I have allowed that to make me feel less than and as though I was not needed or important. I have felt secondary, as though I was just kind of here, existing, not adding much value. That kind of self-loathing can be felt and my self-rejection has lead to others rejecting me.

Recently, I have felt a stirring within me that is leading me to change. I can no longer allow this defeated mentality to drown me in its downpour. I know that I have so much to give. I long to serve and help others see their own value and find the place where they "fit." I want to draw the greatness out of them so that they can make an impact on this world!

This week I decided that if I'm a square peg that means there is a square opening somewhere waiting for me to fill it and again this is the time for it. I'm not just going to sit around and keep letting life happen to me. God has prepared me, anointed me and placed me here at this exact place and time. In His kingdom there are places for square pegs to fit. And as Mordecai said to Esther, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b)

Look out Aisha Nichole is about to happen to life!

the possibilities

Today is the last day of this year. This day and time will never come again and this applies to each day I am graciously given. As such I find it important to live each day intentionally and on purpose. Am I always successful? Not really but instead of living in a condemned place, I choose to remember and activate the Word which declares to me that His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:21-25) For this I am grateful.

As I prepare not only to go into a new day but a new year I am excited about what it holds. In my spirit I sense the unfolding of great things for many people including myself. Though tempted to be overwhelmed with the questions of "How? Why? and every impatient person's favorite "When?" I find myself experiencing a great peace because even thought I don't know the answers, I know the God who holds them. I have nothing to fear and no reason to doubt. This year I am excited to see great victory in the Kingdom of God.

In 2011 I have wrestled with identity and my value. In the post Fighting the Fear of Failure, I discussed this in detail. I have many times cowered down and not moved forward with simple actions because I have felt so unworthy. I've not met my own minimum standards, how could I hope to achieve or assist in the great things I have seen in my dreams and visions? But I'll tell you, I'm extremely tired of asking that question and seeing the fruitless results! Just because I am not able to fit into a mold that I "think" I should to be able go on to the next level does not mean I have to. What does this mean?

I have come to the conclusion, finally, that all the things that I thought mattered actually do not. One of the currencies of the Kingdom of God is faith. I have faith and it speaks a completely different message than that of my personal standards based on the world's systems. One of the reasons I love the Bible so much is because it recounts the lives of ordinary men and women who through their love for God did extraordinary exploits. They lived adventures of a lifetime because they walked in faith. Everything that their societies told them was they way and standard was often not the way they chose to walk because with God, life is very different.  (Hebrews 11)

I am just as they were, there is no reason that I cannot be an instrument and vessel. I am done with excuses. The ones I have put forth have often been there because I did not want to grow out of my comfort zone. Too bad for me. This year I am leaving the comfort zone behind and making the decision to grow. I have an amazing set of gifts that I am not fully aware of because I have spent so long hiding from them. Once you become aware of something, you are accountable based on what you know. If I don't know what all my gifts are then I don't have to be accountable to them, right? This is a terrible line of thinking that places great limits on myself and on God's power to work through me. In doing so I could be holding back someone else's blessing. How terribly selfish of me. No more!

The possibilities before me this year are great in every area of life. In my relationship with the Lord, I expect to come to know Him more intimately than I have in the previous 18 years of our relationship. I know that I will see manifest through me not just the Matthew 28:18-20 Great Commission that I have spiritually "grown up" with but that the Mark 16:15-20 promise of signs and miracles as well. At work there have been some changes and I have the opportunity to do great work and implement new ideas. I believe that by choosing to see this as a divine set up and making the decision to grow that I will see a side of me that I have never known in my professional life. This will bring blessing to others who will be affected by the decisions I make. In relationships I will continue to cultivate great friendships and also seek out a mentor. I firmly believe this is a key to a victorious and successful life. I am accepting the call to leadership. I am choosing obedience here. This is one of those situations where the "How?" question screams at me but again, I choose to place trust in the One who called me not in myself.

There are many more things that are before me but I have written this not only for myself but for those of you who may read this. This is not just for the new year, this is for everyday. In the Lord we are blessed to have the opportunity to start anew everyday. So no matter when this is read I hope it inspires you to think of the possibilities that are before you. How could your obedience bless someone else? How could your trip out of the "comfort zone" inspire someone else or give strength to them. No matter who you are or what you think of yourself, there is someone near you that you can influence. I pray that 2012 is a year of great decisions that lead to extraordinary actions that have the possibility of affecting future generations for the better. I bless you in the name of the Father of heaven and Earth!

the power and promise of one word: yes

The beauty of surrender, the trust, the decision to go in confidence and joy without knowing the end from the beginning but trusting in the One who does. Having placed all faith in the consequences of His love for me and promises to me. I may appear foolish because of this decision, but this life cannot be about living to please others. Everything I choose has to be about Him. As such, I will continually say "yes."

"Yes" has hurt, "yes" has been something I did not understand, "yes" has made me uncomfortable, "yes" has pushed me beyond my known limit into an area where if He did not show up, nothing was going to happen. Yet He knows all and none of what He is asking of me is a surprise for Him; it's a setup for Him to reveal Himself in this life in a new way. As I move forward with a "yes" in my heart, I have the guarantee of His word alive in me, the fullness of His love and the indwelling of His Spirit. And really what else do I need? It is with Him I choose to agree, to Him I say "YES." His promises await!

And what happens with "yes?" I don't know the exact outcome, but I know what happens with "I'm too afraid to try" or "I don't know if I'm the right person for this;" NOTHING. And who needs more of nothing in their life when we were created for great exploits!

By nature I am a very passionate person and that has now been joined with a desire to serve others in whatever capacity that is needed. "Yes" is the hope of walking in that, depending on Him to take care of everything beyond my reach. "Yes" carries an air of excitement and fun. "Yes" to Him makes me think of laughter after tears, dancing after mourning, running after being lame, strength after weakness, peace after chaos, acceptance and love after rejection and possible in the face of impossible. "Yes" has the tension of hope and eager expectation in seeing how He will fulfill His promises. After all the Scripture states:

20 For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes [answer] in Him [Christ]. For this reason we also utter the Amen (so be it) to God through Him [in His Person and by His agency] to the glory of God. 21 But it is God Who confirms and makes us steadfast and establishes us [in joint fellowship] with you in Christ, and has consecrated and anointed us [enduing us with the gifts of the Holy Spirit]; 22 [He has also appropriated and acknowledged us as His by] putting His seal upon us and giving us His [Holy] Spirit in our hearts as the security deposit and guarantee [of the fulfillment of His promise].  1 Corinthians 1:20-22 AMP


When "yes" is the response of a willing heart to God, the promises and power released to that life are limitless. To God be all the glory, Amen!

the things which we speak

Death and life anxiety and expectation complaints or gratitude fear or faith rejection or acceptance. The expectation I have for what this time holds is almost intoxicating. Life in faith, thanksgiving in everything... life is indeed breaking out. Ah the season has changed. Fear wins no more battles here-VICTORY is the banner over me. A word received in obedience can change the world... it all changes now. I will, I already have succeeded. Write the vision, make it plain...