Begin Again

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For some of us, finding our voice isn't the problem. We're blessed with one and we know it early on. Others look to us, those who seem to have no fear, to speak on their behalf. And we do, gladly, eagerly, because it's what we do. It's as natural as breathing.

But.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction - or so I've heard. When you're young, you have to be taught to tame your tongue, to rein it in, because you can't always say everything you want when you want it. This is a delicate dance. Those in authority have to train the child without crushing their spirit. That’s difficult. Many of us push through even when crushed. Some may even speaker louder, longer, and more often.

But some - even the ones who seem to be the most fearless, lose a bit of themselves. We allow ourselves to be controlled by the reins of others, instead of learning the hoped-for self control. We have so much to say, so much to do, but fear we are wrong, fear we are unacceptable, fear we will be rejected, for using the very gift given to us.

So we sit still. Quiet. With a roar burning within. So much to say.

Occasionally, we may say something. It's well thought out, planned, researched, balanced instead of biased - but the moment the words run free so do the Tone Police, writing their citations of disagreement in the name of keeping the peace.

And so once again, we sit there - a champion who can represent a King, but sitting in silence, in the prison of caring what others think.

The most solitary of confinement. The warden, a public who wouldn't adore the most Perfect. And yet we long for their acceptance. A pat on the back, a "good job" or the like.

But.

We can't please or appease all. Some will not understand our fight, our plight, or the fire which burns within.

The sound of our voices is the sound of our freedom. If you want others to respect your rights, your freedom, it's not too much to ask for reciprocity. The space to live in dignity, free from the condemnation readily given just because we may have a differing opinion.

Now, here I am. At a crossroads and I am the only one who can adjust for my burden and carry my load. Another's opinion of my life is not a foundation I can build upon or currency I can spend. So I stand here, scared and scarred into a silence that has to end.

It's time to begin again.

Yes I said 'some' and 'us' and 'we' but that's only because sometimes it's hard to say 'me'.

Yes, this is my fight. This isn't where my story ends. This is a rebirth.

It's time to begin again.

I am greater than my faults and failing has never done me in. I'm standing for my freedom.

It's time to begin again.

I swam in the seas of doubt, and drowned in lies rehearsed with no end. But I refuse to stay under.

It's time to begin again.

I've been blamed for centuries of someone else's sin. But I was reborn as an innocent.

It's time to begin again.

I'm willing to fail forward, and work even smarter to finally win. Today, the lies found their end.

It is time to begin again.

The battle is on every side, so I choose discipline.

The greatness of humble meekness is what I wrap myself in.

That doesn’t make me a pushover, my learning isn’t thin.

I'm getting my mind right. I know that I will win.


Death, just lost its hold on me.

It's time to begin again.

mentors and inadvertent lessons

Two days ago a mentor suggested I share some of my thoughts about current events and issues via this blog. I replied that I didn't think it was a good idea. She pointed to my passion about certain situations as proof that I had something to say. As I thought about it later, my own hesitation gave me pause.

Why was I so tentative? What was I afraid of?

Acceptance is something I long for; it's a topic I've written about a number of times. I keep to myself with certain things because of that. I'm also a reconciler, I want to find common ground to bring opposing sides together. Somewhere in my mind, and in fear, I let all of this become confused. The idea that I cannot share what I think or feel because it may destroy what I'm working toward.

But it won't. It can't.

And until someone is willing to talk about issues openly with a heart for reconciliation, change will always be a far-off, distant goal. That said, I'm going to do this. I'm going to be me, not someone's hoped-for representation of who I should be, just me. Which means I finally had to accept that someone's discomfort with my views isn't my problem. I make it a point to accept people as they are, even when we disagree. If I'm in relationship with someone, all I ask is reciprocity. If not, at least I tried.

So to the mentor who nearly got fired for missing mentor time (jk) and for willingly throwing me to the controversy hounds, you're reinstated. Thank you for challenging me to grow, even when you don't know you're doing it.

no more small thinking

By now we all know I struggle with thinking less of myself than I should. I think one of the reasons I do this is to keep myself from being a know-it-all jerk, but that's no excuse. I have to learn to balance confidence that is encouraging versus arrogance which is disparaging. I finally see this as another skill to develop, as I would time management.

Today I find myself at a crossroads of decision making. The options before me are all good but which is the best? And I know my choice is wholly dependent upon how I view myself. One of the paths is a little easier than the other and does not require as much from me but that is not what beckons to me, we also know I am a fan of the "hard way". No the choice comes down to my decision to do what's risky and to believe that I can do what I've been preparing to do. I have to decide that even though I may not "feel" like I'm ready that I am more than ready.

For the past six weeks I've been encouraging myself that I am well able to do the tasks and face the challenges before me. There are times that my mind wants to subscribe to the lie, things would be "easier" if I was really doing the right thing. Silly, I know. I recently decided to break out and try something different and its great but I have to push beyond the boundaries of the lies I've allowed myself to believe that place limitations on me.

Right before I decided to write this I was developing ideas for a campaign strategy for a business as an exercise. I was writing down ideas when I realized what I was doing. Did I mention before that I was creating content for an actual client? I am sitting here right now developing ideas that will go nowhere for the sake of practice, yet I even had a moment of hesitation about which path to take for my future. Again, silly.

Well, I suppose writing this out has helped. Decision made. I'm going to take the risk and I already know I'm going to grow. Thinking small has kept the greatness within and I am of the mind that each one of us shining as the star we are to be provides illumination for others to see the path to become the light they are to be which keeps it all going. I will not make a decision that impedes another's progress.

I would like to encourage any who would read this to do the hard things that challenge and develop you. It's like working out, when we first start a new regimen it's uncomfortable, we look goofy and it flat out hurts. But through time, training and consistency goals are achieved and our outlook changes on what we believe we can accomplish. Thinking small keeps us locked into small places but daring to believe and a willingness to put in work will see our capacity and perhaps our responsibilities expand.

thinking out loud

Although I'm not likely to start a novel anytime soon, I would like to write and publish at least one in my lifetime. It's definitely a dream.

I'm in love with good story-telling and want to produce worthwhile stories. I take it pretty seriously.

I am writing down every single, stinking idea I have because I don't know which one will lead to the corridor that takes me into a great hall of story goodness. After all you never know what will catch on.

What do I mean? Put simply:

If freaking Twilight can be a thing, like seriously a massive thing that's a burgeoning genre THING, then surely I can write something that people will connect with.

And let's not forget the disgustingly famous fan-fiction-turned-best-seller that spawned from Twilight, the Fifty Shades thing.

Really? Both.
Best-sellers. Movies. (how does one make a 50 Shades movie that isn't considered pornography?)
Award-winning authors?

Eh.

I've decided, if that could happen, then surely I can do this!

And I God help me, I can do it better.

the write dream

I made a decision as a kid before life had its way with me. It was my answer to that question adults love to ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I want to be a writer."

I did presentations about it, I thought about it, I learned to love to read. Then I read my favorite authors and poets and read about their lives too. I read a little bit of everything.

I wrote silly stories as a kid and emotionally-charged poems as a teenager. I kept my mind full of story ideas. I dreamed of seeing my name on the spines of books in the library and bookstore- rows and rows of books with my name.

As I grew I allowed life to change me and made a poor decision. I thought becoming a writer was impractical and would be a waste of time. I walked away from it and did not recognize it as my passion. I listened to an inner voice, what I thought was responsibility and reason and tried a different path. I've written much about that here but something wonderful happened in a moment when I was at a low point.

My desire to write was rekindled by a homework assignment, of all things. For a short while I was in ministry school and I wrote my version of a psalm. That simple act released what had been bound deep within me. From that moment in 2010 until now I've worked to rewire my mind to accept that I am made for this and that there is nothing wrong with that.

As noble a thing as it is to pursue studies and careers in the STEM professions, it is not for me. I am an artist and my palette is filled with words.  My creations are not always masterpieces but  the exercise is often a fun endeavor, mixing and matching letters on a blank page. Whether or not others appreciate what is on the canvas, I have to ask questions, I have to create, I have to speak- it's what I was made to do.

I was unfaithful to this but after all these years I'm grateful to finally be content in my pursuit of the write dream.

What makes you smile when you consider it as your work? What would you do even if you weren't paid? I'd like to encourage you to pursue that with your whole heart, no matter what detractors may say. You were made for it- go for it and find your right dream.

i am here

I am here because I was sent
I was sent because of a plan
I don't know the whole plan
I walk obediently following a call
I'm not good at walking by faith
Everyday I face fear and doubt
Sad to say right now I lose, a lot
You know what?
I am still here because I was sent
There is still a plan
Everyday a little more is revealed
I make decisions because I am not to aimlessly wander
I have been given gifts
My gift is making room for me
Not because of me or anything I've done
It's a spiritual law
Spiritual laws, like natural ones are always in effect
I can work with or against the goodness of the future
I'm not giving up or giving in
I don't know the details of how now gets worked out
I just know it does and it works well
I will not come this way again
I will not be held back or delayed anymore
Let go of what's mine
I see this trick for what it's been
I won't be  your puppet on a string
I'm not going crazy, I'm going free
He called me here
He made a way
He prepared and sent provision
He always wins

fighting the fear of failure, part 3 - my decision

This journey to overcome fear of failure has been interesting and I know it’s not over but I know I turned a corner.

I want to share a realization that is serving as a mental sentinel to check, correct and keep out procrastination and analysis paralysis. I believe we learn greatly from others’ experiences but there is a greater resolve, conviction and strength birthed within after we battle to learn in our personal challenges.

The realization is this: It's okay to give my best all the time, no matter how I feel about the situation or if my best is not good enough.

I often get stuck in the thinking space, “What if I give my best and my best is not good enough? What if I fail?” This thought kept me from giving my all. Rather than disappoint with my best I gave a close effort but it was not the best, so if it fell short the reaction of others would not hurt as much.

I know it’s a silly, immature thought pattern but time after time I performed based on this. And the truth is it did still hurt because I knew it was not my best, I did not want to be rejected and I did not want to be perceived as a failure or not good enough.

But the decision I made is this: I will give my best. If it misses the mark, hopefully I will be corrected so that I can become better reaching a new best. And the part that gave me the most hope is if I give my best and it proves to be my best then I can still receive correction so that I can become better reaching a new best.

Either way I become better, ever changing and growing. I have known for years this is how character change happens but for some reason it had not translated over to the tasks I do as well. When I saw this I was encouraged to realize it is okay for me to not know everything or be perfect.

Failure is not the end of the world although I have been conditioned to believe it is. I have the opportunity to learn and grow, to become more and to help others by what I learn in the process. My decision is to keep going and not give the fear of failure any more of my time effort and ability.

square peg

I've heard it said that you should save for a rainy day. I wish I could tell you I had the perfect emergency fund stashed away and that I was prepared financially for any sudden changes in life. Alas, I cannot say that and it be true. However, today I sit here and I can tell you that on Monday, it rained in my life. I cannot go into much detail at the moment but there will be a significant change in my life soon.

I realized something today and I wanted to capture it in words. I may not have a financial overflow or all the wisdom and training in life to fill this hole but I realized, thanks be to God that in Him I have been filled with a knowing that keeps me from feeling as though there is a hole in me, that there is something lacking or inherently faulty. I'm not defective. Additionally I realized, and maybe accepted is the accurate term, that I was created with a specific purpose to fill a hole. There is a perfect place for me and this is the time for it. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is Acts 17:24-28. Verse 26 really hits me:


26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.

Many times in my life I have felt out of place as though I were not in the "exact place" or time. I have allowed that to make me feel less than and as though I was not needed or important. I have felt secondary, as though I was just kind of here, existing, not adding much value. That kind of self-loathing can be felt and my self-rejection has lead to others rejecting me.

Recently, I have felt a stirring within me that is leading me to change. I can no longer allow this defeated mentality to drown me in its downpour. I know that I have so much to give. I long to serve and help others see their own value and find the place where they "fit." I want to draw the greatness out of them so that they can make an impact on this world!

This week I decided that if I'm a square peg that means there is a square opening somewhere waiting for me to fill it and again this is the time for it. I'm not just going to sit around and keep letting life happen to me. God has prepared me, anointed me and placed me here at this exact place and time. In His kingdom there are places for square pegs to fit. And as Mordecai said to Esther, "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b)

Look out Aisha Nichole is about to happen to life!

the difference

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to live how I live

It was time for me to do what I do, but Something in me said it's time to give

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to do what I do

Suddenly something began to make sense

I won’t make an excuse; it’s time to make a difference

I refuse to just sit on the fence, living the life of the independent

I’ll give it all, yet gain inheritance; Live life to the full, extraordinary existence

In His wisdom, missteps of my past were divinely directed to intersect with His Path

What appeared to be an ending, unfair treatment and failure,

brought me courage, compassion, the strength to endure,

it trained me to continue in expectant hope and diligently seek a new future

To this day it doesn't all make sense

But instead of the excuse

I’ll make the difference

I won't stand around and live to complain

No matter the circumstance, in the face of pain

in the darkest of night, seasons without rain

I will yet worship and my praise be intense

Because I refuse to make the excuse, instead I'll make the difference

What can I do? I am only one and this challenged world carried alone weighs a ton

but my Lord told me if I'd only just believe and expect to see Him, that great things I would see

I know He's seeded His vision in my heart and every time I surrender, the shell breaks apart

and what's been planted grows strong with deep root

He's preparing me for the work that He sent me to do

And it’s out of the box, and it might cause a shock or a stir or bring change to this religious game

I’d rather seek comfort, have others love my name

Not be known as weird or obtuse

This is the time that I would do what I do

This is where I’d offer the excuse
I may never be understood or ever make sense

But today, no more excuses I was born to make a difference

the possibilities

Today is the last day of this year. This day and time will never come again and this applies to each day I am graciously given. As such I find it important to live each day intentionally and on purpose. Am I always successful? Not really but instead of living in a condemned place, I choose to remember and activate the Word which declares to me that His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:21-25) For this I am grateful.

As I prepare not only to go into a new day but a new year I am excited about what it holds. In my spirit I sense the unfolding of great things for many people including myself. Though tempted to be overwhelmed with the questions of "How? Why? and every impatient person's favorite "When?" I find myself experiencing a great peace because even thought I don't know the answers, I know the God who holds them. I have nothing to fear and no reason to doubt. This year I am excited to see great victory in the Kingdom of God.

In 2011 I have wrestled with identity and my value. In the post Fighting the Fear of Failure, I discussed this in detail. I have many times cowered down and not moved forward with simple actions because I have felt so unworthy. I've not met my own minimum standards, how could I hope to achieve or assist in the great things I have seen in my dreams and visions? But I'll tell you, I'm extremely tired of asking that question and seeing the fruitless results! Just because I am not able to fit into a mold that I "think" I should to be able go on to the next level does not mean I have to. What does this mean?

I have come to the conclusion, finally, that all the things that I thought mattered actually do not. One of the currencies of the Kingdom of God is faith. I have faith and it speaks a completely different message than that of my personal standards based on the world's systems. One of the reasons I love the Bible so much is because it recounts the lives of ordinary men and women who through their love for God did extraordinary exploits. They lived adventures of a lifetime because they walked in faith. Everything that their societies told them was they way and standard was often not the way they chose to walk because with God, life is very different.  (Hebrews 11)

I am just as they were, there is no reason that I cannot be an instrument and vessel. I am done with excuses. The ones I have put forth have often been there because I did not want to grow out of my comfort zone. Too bad for me. This year I am leaving the comfort zone behind and making the decision to grow. I have an amazing set of gifts that I am not fully aware of because I have spent so long hiding from them. Once you become aware of something, you are accountable based on what you know. If I don't know what all my gifts are then I don't have to be accountable to them, right? This is a terrible line of thinking that places great limits on myself and on God's power to work through me. In doing so I could be holding back someone else's blessing. How terribly selfish of me. No more!

The possibilities before me this year are great in every area of life. In my relationship with the Lord, I expect to come to know Him more intimately than I have in the previous 18 years of our relationship. I know that I will see manifest through me not just the Matthew 28:18-20 Great Commission that I have spiritually "grown up" with but that the Mark 16:15-20 promise of signs and miracles as well. At work there have been some changes and I have the opportunity to do great work and implement new ideas. I believe that by choosing to see this as a divine set up and making the decision to grow that I will see a side of me that I have never known in my professional life. This will bring blessing to others who will be affected by the decisions I make. In relationships I will continue to cultivate great friendships and also seek out a mentor. I firmly believe this is a key to a victorious and successful life. I am accepting the call to leadership. I am choosing obedience here. This is one of those situations where the "How?" question screams at me but again, I choose to place trust in the One who called me not in myself.

There are many more things that are before me but I have written this not only for myself but for those of you who may read this. This is not just for the new year, this is for everyday. In the Lord we are blessed to have the opportunity to start anew everyday. So no matter when this is read I hope it inspires you to think of the possibilities that are before you. How could your obedience bless someone else? How could your trip out of the "comfort zone" inspire someone else or give strength to them. No matter who you are or what you think of yourself, there is someone near you that you can influence. I pray that 2012 is a year of great decisions that lead to extraordinary actions that have the possibility of affecting future generations for the better. I bless you in the name of the Father of heaven and Earth!

the power and promise of one word: yes

The beauty of surrender, the trust, the decision to go in confidence and joy without knowing the end from the beginning but trusting in the One who does. Having placed all faith in the consequences of His love for me and promises to me. I may appear foolish because of this decision, but this life cannot be about living to please others. Everything I choose has to be about Him. As such, I will continually say "yes."

"Yes" has hurt, "yes" has been something I did not understand, "yes" has made me uncomfortable, "yes" has pushed me beyond my known limit into an area where if He did not show up, nothing was going to happen. Yet He knows all and none of what He is asking of me is a surprise for Him; it's a setup for Him to reveal Himself in this life in a new way. As I move forward with a "yes" in my heart, I have the guarantee of His word alive in me, the fullness of His love and the indwelling of His Spirit. And really what else do I need? It is with Him I choose to agree, to Him I say "YES." His promises await!

And what happens with "yes?" I don't know the exact outcome, but I know what happens with "I'm too afraid to try" or "I don't know if I'm the right person for this;" NOTHING. And who needs more of nothing in their life when we were created for great exploits!

By nature I am a very passionate person and that has now been joined with a desire to serve others in whatever capacity that is needed. "Yes" is the hope of walking in that, depending on Him to take care of everything beyond my reach. "Yes" carries an air of excitement and fun. "Yes" to Him makes me think of laughter after tears, dancing after mourning, running after being lame, strength after weakness, peace after chaos, acceptance and love after rejection and possible in the face of impossible. "Yes" has the tension of hope and eager expectation in seeing how He will fulfill His promises. After all the Scripture states:

20 For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes [answer] in Him [Christ]. For this reason we also utter the Amen (so be it) to God through Him [in His Person and by His agency] to the glory of God. 21 But it is God Who confirms and makes us steadfast and establishes us [in joint fellowship] with you in Christ, and has consecrated and anointed us [enduing us with the gifts of the Holy Spirit]; 22 [He has also appropriated and acknowledged us as His by] putting His seal upon us and giving us His [Holy] Spirit in our hearts as the security deposit and guarantee [of the fulfillment of His promise].  1 Corinthians 1:20-22 AMP


When "yes" is the response of a willing heart to God, the promises and power released to that life are limitless. To God be all the glory, Amen!

back

My heart longs to cry out in memory of you

To be warmed by your fire

The remembrance of the light you brought to life in me

yet you are so far and distant, removed, in a haze

But in that distant place you too long to be reconnected to me

for only with me can you be fulfilled

No other has what is inside me

If another were to attempt to take my place the product would be a forgery,

a cheap imitation, a false representation of what should be

Because I am for you solely as much as you are for me only

I will now seek to find you that I may fulfill the purpose for which I was sent

Will you come back to me though I sent you away?

Can we be reconciled for the greater mission?

Oh how I have missed you my dearest friend

won’t you come back to me my dream again?

written: 12/17/2010

decide to fight

There are times you simply have to fight. Though I consider myself to have a very good life and not have faced many external challenges from a reasonable and logical standpoint, I can despite a “tough” exterior be a trembling emotional mess. If you have not spent much time with me (or not read more than one entry on this page) you may think differently, trust me though it can get pretty bad :)

I say all that to state this- be willing to fight for your dreams and your life. And seriously go ahead and visualize yourself with a black eye, bloody nose, cuts on your knuckles and a hole or two through your precious skin. This is in no way meant to be a negative statement or visualization however in my mind, I am strengthened to know that when I feel like this and like I am on the mat with nothing left to give, the Holy Spirit does not throw in the towel to stop the fight but He arises within me to remind me that this battle, painful as it may be is already fixed in my favor.

I have heard people minister and say that you should not have to fight or face a challenge so strong that you want to give up. Unfortunately I have dealt with a good deal of condemnation attempting to process this idea through my legalistic mind; remember I am an emotional type. Then I hear that Voice whisper resoundingly in my head reminding me of not only who I am but Whose I am. My thought then becomes “what in the world version of the Bible are they reading, the HSV (Human Standards Version?)

Yes it is true that there were times God sent His angels to war on behalf of His Israelite army and not one sword was raised on their side but there are many examples of them going to war and cutting down the opposition in battle. As you study the Word it is obvious to see almost every father and mother of the faith that we hero-ize dealt with some great battle. After all, this is one of the reasons we are so attracted to them. I personally do not know anyone who at their core does not like to experience a story where a person, group, team or organization overcomes great adversity to become victorious.

There it is again, the idea of victory- doesn’t it make your heart pound? You may not like physical fighting but you have probably seen a movie centered on it, and enjoyed it. It was not the blood pouring out of the protagonist’s mouth as they were being pummeled, it was the fact that they overcame to either win or at least realize some sort of dream challenge. If the fighting reference is not your thing, what about movies that deal with a person or people group coming together with others for a great cause of justice for all or human rights, awareness or a stand for morality amid social depravity. It is a different kind of fight but the same story is told and it is the same story for you; the desire to overcome the odds and every obstacle that comes between you and your dream. To stand victorious in the place you were meant to stand or have that thing you were destined to have.
So the next time you feel as though all you can taste is the floor and that your teeth are being worn down by the dirt being kicked in your face remember, it is a part of this life journey to fight but the best news is that you have the Greatest Trainer in history and that you always, always, always come out as the winner!

1 John 5:4-12; Revelation 12:11

dream out loud!

In the most honorable way possible, it is time to dream out loud! Wake up! Yes you were called to dream and to walk the journey of it and live it out. Yes you fresh from your last defeat, come back in from the distraction and forgive those who took you off course with deceit.

It's your dream, the seed that He has divinely sown into your spirit. Every dart, arrow and spear of the enemy has come against to challenge what you know. These tests have revealed what's really inside you, the Kingly character and the flesh moments too. Not my favorite to see but there is a need to purify, protect and prepare.

Decide to stand firm on the strength and certitude of the Word, remind yourself of His faithfulness and write down the dream, speak the dream, prophesy over it to bring life to it, then get on with the business of dreaming out loud! Go!

today is great

Good morning world! It is a new day today and although I awoke with a swirl of emotions I would rather believe do not exist within me anymore, I know that today is destined to be great. Emotions though a gift are not meant to be spent as the currency of daily living. I am responsible for what I pay out to others around me. Today I choose to pour out love, kindness, generosity and peace because the Lord poured these into me. These come from Him pure and sweet, I will not let uncertainty, doubt or fear attempting to rise up flavor the fruit so that it is bitter when I share it with someone else. I also refuse to the this swirl become a whirlwind that pulls somone else in and harms or tires them.

No today is a day for great things to occur. I will walk through the door to mind change, fully repent and see the love of God that is within me encourage someone else. I will also be encouraged by others around me. This trick used to work on me, not today. Condemnation was also a covering I once wore, but today I choose to put on faith. Faith is another gift but it is a gift that brings life and I was called to carry and share life with others. I like that choice. Today is already a great day!

finally decided

So after Much deliberation I have decided to keep this as my blogger page. I thought a while about changing over to another blog as there are some things on here that are interesting to say the least and colorful if I want to be kind. But my decision to keep it here stems from the fact that I cannot simply remove what happened by simply starting a new blog. Life happens and in a good one the person grows and changes. When I began this journey it was always withthe hope of growing and returning to God. This has happened and I could not be anymore grateful. I am a ver differrent woman than I was even two years ago when it was silent here. So here lies the former page of one who was for a time a "Lost Butterfly Angel" who for a short period thought the dry sarcasm of "Kinetic Potential" fit their life. Now I know with no doubt that My Name is Victory and so here is where I will remain.

who me...shy?

Found myself in an interesting situation today. We had a prayer meeting of the women in my church tonight. It was an excellent time of thanksgiving and praise to our Mighty and Caring God. We had a time to share testimonies or what we learned during this week. I had something to share, it was burning in me and it seemed appropriate for what we were doing, BUT I somehow talked myself out of sharing a simple encouragement simply because it was not the usual setting that I would share in :-( what's with that? When did I turn shy? Ugh! Well I know better than to beat myself up over it but I must say I do not like it when I hold on to a word that I know I am to share. Well this is the last time, no more I will speak clearly and boldly and in the proper timing. God give me the strength and courage to carry and deliver Your word when You give it to me!