that moment when

That cathartic moment when I finally let go and let God.

I'm not trying to tell you I've suddenly figured it out but I realized God had told me something AND that I had not acted on it yet. At issue, I thought I had been obedient. I stepped out. I left the comfortable place physically where all was right. I made a crazy decision and I followed it.

Somehow, today in a moment, I realized I was literally holding on to fear with one hand, and trying to carry out, with hindered faith, what I'd been called to do with the other. I did not believe I was moving anywhere close to my goals. Perhaps I thought I was going in another circle, doomed to repeat yet another cycle of failure. But something has broken off, changed.

I'm not repeating or rehearsing those old moves anymore.

Have you ever tried to type with one hand and get a vast amount of work done? That's akin to what I was doing. I was holding on to the idea that "if only x, y, z, 1, 2, and 3 all line up then I can really..."

But I know that's not how it works. Sometimes you just have to cut loose, let go of everything safe and disappear below the surface of the water. You have to take the first step before you see the full staircase.

Today is February 2, 2015 and I decided let go.

If I look foolish, it's better than being proven a fool for not trying.

If I make mistakes, I won't die, I'll learn and grow.

If I get lost, I'll ask for direction. I am blessed with many mentors.

If...

That's the deal, it's not about if anymore.

I posted about "almost" before, "if" is just as bad.

I can. I will. I must.

I am drawn to this place in the future where great change has occurred because I stepped up to play my role.

I have never, and I mean this, felt so free as I do in this moment.

God told me something and I decided to believe Him and align with His plans.




end note: I wrote this early one morning in February 2015 and somehow never hit publish. I still remember typing this, that feeling I had. I didn't know what all was coming and it was unsettling to say the least. But this moment, has to be remembered and recorded, so I'm hitting publish today, which is May 8, 2016. 
I'm not going to let "if" get in my way. I believe what He said to me.