an open letter from a single woman to the church

So many have undertaken the task to write about singleness in the church and I've read, agreed, disagreed and reposted on my Facebook and Twitter timelines but I have yet to add to the conversation. I've finally gathered a few thoughts I am ready to share. I have some requests, which to be honest, I fear will be ignored or responded to with dismissive phrases.

My requests are simple really:

• I would like to be viewed/valued as a whole person. I know you often tell me I am, but your actions show you believe differently. I am a genuine person who is complete in Christ and able to do great exploits. I am a full-fledged disciple of Christ right now as a single person. I'm the head of my household, everything is my personal responsibility. I am a leader.

• Please stop assuming I'm not busy if I don't have children- or that if a single parent that I am to be pitied. I currently work and go to school, before that I worked an average of 50 hours a week. I know many singles who are "doing the most" to better their careers and their lives and are serving their communities in great capacities. Just because you can't see someone working does not mean they aren't. Also, there are many single parents out there getting it done- I can't say much on this as it's not my situation. 

• I actually don't spend all of my free time wishing I were married. When I do have free time, I like to relax with a good book, newspaper, comic book, manga, anime, or a TED Talk or volunteer or hang out with my friends or watch soccer or... Also reference the previous point.

• Please don't mistake me for some hormone driven, sexual deviant who cannot control their desires. Personally I admit to being human who has sexual desires. I am tempted, but I can and do exercise self-control, a fruit of the same Spirit you have as a married person. I'm not saying there aren't days (weeks, months, seasons...) but I am more than my genitalia.

• Please stop minimizing my feelings by saying marriage doesn't solve problems, it adds more... I'm not disagreeing with you but I would never say to my friend, who has been trying to conceive for 10 years, that having kids just adds stress to your life. It's a bit insensitive.

• Stop telling me that God is preparing me for my mate... Exactly how had God prepared you for your marriage when you were 19, 20, 21, whatever age that He has not also been doing in me since before then? Because although it's not what you mean, it is what you're saying- that you were ready and that I am not.

• I am not impressed by your fancy light shows and trendy themes. I'm not opposed to it, I'm looking for substance along with it. I am looking for a place to connect, to build real relationships with real people. I want to make friends, in a safe environment and be equipped to do the work I've been given to do. It's my child-like hope that we can then all help one another walk in purpose. Seriously.

• This is life, not a role play game. Marriage and kids are not rewards you receive for "leveling up" in your Christian walk- some of you saying things like this were married before you knew the Lord, or did you forget? There are many who have walked as "committed Christians" for years and are still single or are single again. And these people have not done something wrong because they are "still" single.

At the end of the day, as with everything in each one of our lives, this is about God's timing. You see at just the right time Sarah conceived, Isaac's wife was brought to him, two brothers were born and one was set above the other, a nation had its beginning, the manifested glory of God delivered that nation from bondage and established them, gave them kings and a kingdom. And then in the fullness of time, He sent His Son Who redeemed that nation and every other under the sun for whosoever will respond to His call.

Timing.
Not preparation, although in pursuit of Him we are prepared for greater things than we will ever understand.

Timing.
Not righteous living. Although righteous living should be our response of love to Him.

Timing.
Not rehearsing the events of the book of Ruth as though it were some guide to mate procurement. Although thorough study of the Word will cleanse, purify and renew us to experience an intimacy with God like never before.

Timing.
Not writing down a list of what he or she should be and requesting that. Although I will say that making sure you're living a life that would be attractive to someone else is good.

Timing.
Not endlessly making deals in prayer to negotiate what you want in life. HE doesn't seem to work that way.

Timing. End of story.

So as much as I appreciate your company and encouragement, just remember that I am a real Christian able to carry out the duties of my life and ministry just as I am.

With love,
Aisha Nichole

almost

Almost is a terrible thing I've allowed to happen too often in my life.

I have more times than I can count, according to others around me, been so close to a desired outcome- only to come up short.

I am a reluctant leader, because more times than not, once placed in a position of leadership, I would do something human and be asked why I did what I did. My motives questioned, and my leadership skills minimized.

I have almost measured up to my own brilliance my entire life, but never apparently really reached it.

All I've ever heard about is how much potential I have. I unfortunately let this color my view of me. Apparently I've never done anything well enough- after all if you're not rising to your potential, that's what is being said right? Maybe that's not true and a bit too harsh, but in my gray matter- that's the message I've repeated. The folds in my brain go to pathways and triggers of pain when someone mentions my potential.

I have learned the hard way that I don't fear failure, I fear the effects of success. Once you succeed, when you gloriously mess up, you're paraded around as a fool and then told, you never really were that good to begin with. Must have been a fluke.

I have always been a bit responsibility shy. But I also don't like disorder and I love to solve problems, so I put my head down and get to it, only to be told what I am doing is not needed. Until I'm replaced by someone with credentials and a cool brand who comes along and says the same thing.

I'm told repeatedly to quiet down and watch what I say because I have a way with words, and because of that I have a responsibility. And often times I follow,  I chill only to be asked why it's so difficult to get an answer out of me.

Almost.

I'm tired of almost.

Yes, I'm ranting and complaining. But I can only point the finger at me. I'm a grown up and my decisions and actions are my responsibility. Where does that leave me?

I'm done with almost.

If I gloriously fail, then I'll fabulously learn, regroup and do it better the next time.

At some point I have to accept that I am not, nor will I ever be perfect. TODAY IS THAT DAY. I have made many mistakes but I have also grown and changed.

At some point I have to accept that I am not bad at what I do, I am new at what I do. TODAY IS THAT DAY. By accepting this, I hereby give myself permission to learn, to do the hard stuff, to swing and miss AND on many occasions get a hit, round the bases and bring it home. I don't always have to score, but I do have to step up to the plate.

My mistakes do not define me, they molded me. Mistakes are scars that say at least I tried. There have been many times I was kinetic, moving toward my goals. Tearing into life and enjoying it, for the sake of enjoyment. Not trying to prove myself.

There it is. I've been trying to prove I'm more than potential to someone, God only knows who- because right now, I'm surrounded by people who are encouraging me, who love me despite me.

At some point I have to accept that I am worthy of love. You know what? No matter what TODAY IS THAT DAY!

Today I declare personal freedom from my own prison of perfection, my desire to steer clear of foolishness for the sake of a wreath bestowed by whoever that says I've finally reached some mythical plateau of potential.

I'm not going to chase this high called reached potential any more. I'm doing everything I can to be the best me I can be.

ALL IN!

be me

You want me to sit

To be quiet and forget
To forgive with no end
To believe you're a friend
To surrender to your comfort
To stop being me
Laws may have changed
But in your mind I'm not free
And if I change to conform
Then I'm no longer me
So I'll ask you to change
To stop thinking me strange
To exist and be free
To not worry about me
And here I'll stand
I'll be all that I can
I'll make no demands
But today you will see
I'm so proud to be me

(c) Aisha Nichole Willis 2014

This originally posted to my Facebook

Wouldn't He?

President Lyndon B. Johnson and
the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. King wouldn't do that.

I keep seeing this as some sort of pseudo-justification for why people should stop protesting. Somehow there is a belief that commerce would not be disrupted if protests were truly peaceful. And that these protests are solely the product of recent events. Those events were the proverbial straw.

Here's something to consider:

1. A boycott of a transportation system by any section of the population would do quite a bit to disrupt commerce. Reference the 1950s and 60s bus boycotts- seriously look it up.
2. Protest by definition is a disruption to some action- at a minimum it comes from words meaning to make a solemn declaration, to assert publicly, from a root word meaning witness.
3. It amazes me that in the sanitized version of history we receive that somehow we've forgotten that the Rev. Dr. King was so hated by his contemporaries for what he was peacefully leading that the opposition shot his face off. I am not condoning violence by pointing this out, I just want to make sure we remember he did not live to a ripe old age and die peacefully.

I truly hope that all the protests will finally lead to much meaningful dialogue. This is not just a black & white issue.

This is a great opportunity for those who profess faith to finally make our day of worship the LEAST segregated time of the week instead of the most. If the Church will deal with what's going on in its own walls- we can and will lead the charge.

And I don't mean grab a talking head who wants to throw out distractions. I'm not missing all those other issues either.

Let's not miss the opportunity to finally break a cycle of fear and hatred plaguing all communities involved because we don't want to call it what it is. We all have skin in this game- let's do something great to ensure that 25 years from now our kids and grandkids aren't having to fight the same battle.

Prayer is a minimum. Listening, talking, dealing with lies and deception and healing will take time but it's so worth it.

Do I Matter?

This is the beginning of something- I do not think this is complete but it may be. Writing is how I process. Change is here, change is now. May God be with those who have suffered loss. May He continue to be patient as we are slow to learn.

The working title for this is I Matter

Everyday I feel I’m put on trial for existing
In this melanin-tinted skin I’m in

I never know when it could be the end
Because of the suspicion from years of traditions
That promoted fear when you saw my kin
Yes indeed, I’m about to go in

And though I’m known to be brilliant and witty,
and even on occasion, sometimes pretty
If I make a “wrong” move at an opportune time
What will be the narrative of my life?

Nothing of the truth will be what you find
Because posthumously will I be tried
With little evidence for every crime
And the story will state I was the one who defied

© Aisha N. Willis 2014

You: Judge

pixbay.com

Keep talking.
Keep speaking things that you want to believe are not hate.
Sadly you can't see.
Yet you think yourself enlightened.
You are not the only educated one.
You are not the only one with resources.
You are not the only one God loves.
The burden you carry will only become heavier when you realize it's the weight of judgment you've passed on others.
Your scales are not just.
Your love is conditional.
Your understanding limited.
Your compassion reserved.
I see you.
I hear you.
I know you.
Your incongruity lost on you.
I don't say much.
But I see the grace you withhold.
And as much as it hurts.
I'll remain silent.
Watching.
Praying.
Hoping.
That your love is restored.
May LOVE find you and Honor guide you.

(Originally posted to my Facebook on this date, added here Oct. 29, 2015)

that day

I was 24 and I lived with my mother and grandmother. I was asleep. Mom called me, more like shouted for me to come into her room. Even in that haze, I knew something was wrong. I stumbled in and adjusted my eyes just in time to see the 2nd plane strike.

To say I couldn't believe it is more than understatement. But the nightmare I viewed was very real.

I worked as the frame shop manager at Hobby Lobby. On the bus, it was the consuming conversation. At work, we were all huddled around radios in every department. Customers as well. No one complained.

The stories poured in. We sold out of American flags and prints, posters of the World Trade Center, small packs of Kleenex and anything that said God Bless America. It was the longest day ever.

Shock. Inexplicable pain and sorrow. Numbness. Fear. Hope. Anger.

What happened? Was this how they felt during the attack on Pearl Harbor?

Why?

All those people. Gone. Their families forever changed. What did this mean?

All the neighborhoods that came together. Candlelight vigils.

The sound of a silent sky.

The tiredness and sadness and the fight to hold back tears and anger in the eyes of President Bush. 

What were we going to do?

Never thought I'd see this. Never thought I'd experience this. 

Never will I forget.

feeling some kinda way

www.quoteswave.com

This semester I'm taking a class called digital storytelling. We'll be focusing on telling stories through various media- words, pictures, audio clips, etc. We are setting up a blog dedicated to a general theme. For example travel, food, a hobby or pro skill or some such.

My new blog is supposed to be about Community- a look into diverse groups of people who are united by common interests.

However, the blatant disregard and dishonor that I consistently witness are making me want to change it into Rant (dot) com instead.

Can we actually choose to love one another any more? Or are we on a crusade to fault find, expose weakness and moments of poor decision making, as if any of us are exempt?

Empathy. Compassion. Unity.

I may not understand what you're going through but I won't deny the existence of your challenges because of unfamiliarity on my part.

I want to reach out to expand who I am by listening to others experiences. Will others afford  the same courtesy to one another?

Now I'm rambling. I'm done for tonight.

What are some ways you show honor, love, respect, empathy to your friends?

let's talk about: stuff

Well hello there interwebs, I'm here today for a moment to introduce a series, segment, something or other thing. I'm not sure what to call it exactly other than the title I've given it: "Let's Talk About...". 

Yes, I know it smacks of unoriginality, desperation, the hope of attracting new readers and fill in snarky comment here. In any event after nine years of writing here I think I'm finally finding my voice. There are times, even though this is my area to freely express myself that I hold back and I think it's time I stop that and start talking like me. Soooooo... 

Whenever I feel like chiming in on a timely topic or a new interest pops up, I'll tag it with this headline and go from there. Maybe it will start a dialogue or maybe it will just sit here until something crazy happens in my life and people Google me to see what I was thinking. Eh. In any event, I like to talk so Let's Talk About stuff.

Soapbox

Image found on flickr

When someone cares about race relations or gender issues in America, can we stop shaming them for it?

You know what I mean too. Many of us who have access to my feed know me and the people I hang with. The beautiful thing is we're all different.

Stop trying to pick a side saying only one side is right and the other all wrong. I'm not talking about gray areas either bit not everything needs to cause a polar divide.

Calling for justice for Mike Brown but that doesn't mean I hate authority. I weep every time I hear about officers or other civil servants who perish in the line of duty.

Just because I'm paying attention to Ferguson (and all the other places in America where people of color still face daily discrimination) does not mean I'm not aware of so many other issues like the plight of Iraqi Christians.

Sidebar- what about all the others who refuse to convert who are being massacred too? Do you care about their eternity or just the Christians?

Back to the matter at hand, this whole perfect victim thing is baloney! That guy who shot up the movie theater I Colorado, his narrative in the media was about how smart he was. The man killed people, injured people and I'm sure left emotional scars but he was taken into custody alive, not wounded.

You may ask what does that have to do with this? I'm play in the card many others are- it's called distracting. If people can bring up the fact that Brown liked rap music, and the lack of fatherhood crisis and the "nobody riots when cops get shot" then we miss the opportunity for dialog about the current issue.

All of these other things need to be addressed bit not when asking for justice not just for Mike Brown but for many men of color. This militarization of the police for should concern us all. What are they having to deal with that its come to this?

Look the desire of my heart is for unity. My prayer is that we would love and another deeply. But I'm not going to ignore the elephant in the room and hope it goes away, it hasn't and we have to deal with it.

I hope the members of the Church would come together and bring solutions not other distractions. I hope instead of staying in our own boxes we would break through to love.

As you hear all these accounts and see a video of a theft, that the officer didn't know about, remember Brown was someone's son, family member, friend.

You can relegate him to deserving to die for a petty crime if you want.

You can say it's because I'm black so I can't "really" see what's going on.

You can have your own opinion and I'll continue to have mine.

But while you're busy trying to pick a side, and prove a right versus wrong, I'm going to be here praying for all the families involved,  yes including Officer Wilson.

I'm praying for my city and its officials and my nation. I'm getting involved in it, serving in some way to move things forward.

*still on the box*

this originally appeared on my Facebook page

no more small thinking

By now we all know I struggle with thinking less of myself than I should. I think one of the reasons I do this is to keep myself from being a know-it-all jerk, but that's no excuse. I have to learn to balance confidence that is encouraging versus arrogance which is disparaging. I finally see this as another skill to develop, as I would time management.

Today I find myself at a crossroads of decision making. The options before me are all good but which is the best? And I know my choice is wholly dependent upon how I view myself. One of the paths is a little easier than the other and does not require as much from me but that is not what beckons to me, we also know I am a fan of the "hard way". No the choice comes down to my decision to do what's risky and to believe that I can do what I've been preparing to do. I have to decide that even though I may not "feel" like I'm ready that I am more than ready.

For the past six weeks I've been encouraging myself that I am well able to do the tasks and face the challenges before me. There are times that my mind wants to subscribe to the lie, things would be "easier" if I was really doing the right thing. Silly, I know. I recently decided to break out and try something different and its great but I have to push beyond the boundaries of the lies I've allowed myself to believe that place limitations on me.

Right before I decided to write this I was developing ideas for a campaign strategy for a business as an exercise. I was writing down ideas when I realized what I was doing. Did I mention before that I was creating content for an actual client? I am sitting here right now developing ideas that will go nowhere for the sake of practice, yet I even had a moment of hesitation about which path to take for my future. Again, silly.

Well, I suppose writing this out has helped. Decision made. I'm going to take the risk and I already know I'm going to grow. Thinking small has kept the greatness within and I am of the mind that each one of us shining as the star we are to be provides illumination for others to see the path to become the light they are to be which keeps it all going. I will not make a decision that impedes another's progress.

I would like to encourage any who would read this to do the hard things that challenge and develop you. It's like working out, when we first start a new regimen it's uncomfortable, we look goofy and it flat out hurts. But through time, training and consistency goals are achieved and our outlook changes on what we believe we can accomplish. Thinking small keeps us locked into small places but daring to believe and a willingness to put in work will see our capacity and perhaps our responsibilities expand.

i dare you

I may hang my head, but it is only to weep
I may release pained tears, but I am not weak
I may not be who you think I should be
But that is not my concern because I was born to be free

I will take in this environment with all its caustic air
And yet I will choose to breathe out life and love and care
No one ever told me that this life would be fair
And so I walk with caution, facing each day like a dare

You'll look at me time and again and make unrealistic demands
To accept you with your faults and give you chance after chance
But if I'm ever amiss, I'll have to raise my hands
And hope against all hope that this is not my last dance

I am a human just like you, being
I want my generations to have a future worth seeing
So can we all decide to no longer defend
This deathly hatred between us because of the difference of our skin?

©2014 Aisha Nichole Willis

thinking out loud

Although I'm not likely to start a novel anytime soon, I would like to write and publish at least one in my lifetime. It's definitely a dream.

I'm in love with good story-telling and want to produce worthwhile stories. I take it pretty seriously.

I am writing down every single, stinking idea I have because I don't know which one will lead to the corridor that takes me into a great hall of story goodness. After all you never know what will catch on.

What do I mean? Put simply:

If freaking Twilight can be a thing, like seriously a massive thing that's a burgeoning genre THING, then surely I can write something that people will connect with.

And let's not forget the disgustingly famous fan-fiction-turned-best-seller that spawned from Twilight, the Fifty Shades thing.

Really? Both.
Best-sellers. Movies. (how does one make a 50 Shades movie that isn't considered pornography?)
Award-winning authors?

Eh.

I've decided, if that could happen, then surely I can do this!

And I God help me, I can do it better.

#gratitudegame

It's the game that when played correctly, everybody wins.

I would like to know, within myself, that I'm living a winning existence. To facilitate a mode of winning, I made the decision to be grateful. I am learning this is the best way to enjoy life. Two hours ago I started crying and tears have been slipping from my eyes here and there since. It's not that I am sad, well maybe just a little but I am mostly grateful. That gratitude is expressing itself in happiness and tears.

Now for a bit of a confession- in reality I am doing my best to fight an overwhelming anxiety that has been building up for a while. It's the paralyzing anxiety that can keep me from moving forward. There are too many good things happening (more on that soon) for me to stop now.

I began to pray to alleviate the fear and as I was praying I moved into a place of thanking God. I felt something stirring within me and instead of being afraid I began to sense this joy.

I simply said, "Thank You for loving me when I am fearful and forgetful."

In that moment, it was as if I felt Him place His arms around me and the emotional dam that was holding back too many things met its end. His presence comforted me and reminded me that He has prepared me for this moment. The promise that says I can do all things in Him is true and I can move forward with gratitude and accomplish the tasks before me.

Yes I'd forgotten about His strength and had yet again become overwhelmed with fear but He didn't give up on me and leave me. When He opened my eyes to see, He was still with me. The tears passed over my smiling lips as I accepted that He really does love me. In my weakness He is not displeased with me, He loves me. Why wouldn't I be grateful?

I chose to write about this to remember the importance of gratitude. If I will keep myself focused on living in a state of gratitude I think I can accomplish more. Too often I am tripped up by my mistakes and attempts at perfection. If I focus on what is ahead of me and remember what I've done well with gratitude and reevaluate where I've missed it, and ask for help to move forward differently, I can win at what I'm doing in life.

I hope you will join me celebrating what you are grateful for and win as you move forward too.

the write dream

I made a decision as a kid before life had its way with me. It was my answer to that question adults love to ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I want to be a writer."

I did presentations about it, I thought about it, I learned to love to read. Then I read my favorite authors and poets and read about their lives too. I read a little bit of everything.

I wrote silly stories as a kid and emotionally-charged poems as a teenager. I kept my mind full of story ideas. I dreamed of seeing my name on the spines of books in the library and bookstore- rows and rows of books with my name.

As I grew I allowed life to change me and made a poor decision. I thought becoming a writer was impractical and would be a waste of time. I walked away from it and did not recognize it as my passion. I listened to an inner voice, what I thought was responsibility and reason and tried a different path. I've written much about that here but something wonderful happened in a moment when I was at a low point.

My desire to write was rekindled by a homework assignment, of all things. For a short while I was in ministry school and I wrote my version of a psalm. That simple act released what had been bound deep within me. From that moment in 2010 until now I've worked to rewire my mind to accept that I am made for this and that there is nothing wrong with that.

As noble a thing as it is to pursue studies and careers in the STEM professions, it is not for me. I am an artist and my palette is filled with words.  My creations are not always masterpieces but  the exercise is often a fun endeavor, mixing and matching letters on a blank page. Whether or not others appreciate what is on the canvas, I have to ask questions, I have to create, I have to speak- it's what I was made to do.

I was unfaithful to this but after all these years I'm grateful to finally be content in my pursuit of the write dream.

What makes you smile when you consider it as your work? What would you do even if you weren't paid? I'd like to encourage you to pursue that with your whole heart, no matter what detractors may say. You were made for it- go for it and find your right dream.

He said

If the word of God had an expiration date we would live in the dark.

I'm grateful for His words "Let there be...", "Let Us make...", "It is finished." and many, many more.

He spoke, life is, and nothing changes that. 

He Is immutable. He does not give up, He always loves, always hopes, always protects. He never fails. His promises are yes.

I'm fighting to understand, grab hold of and live from the valuable, simplicity of what He says.

a declaration of legacy

I stand I call I speak to the nations!
Will you be a part of that beloved generation?
The ones who will perceive and faithfully declare
in the face of every obstacle and intense warfare
Can I ask that you be those who will finally believe
today beginning with me is a great legacy?

Yes our story began long before this date and time
and I know there are undesirables in every one of our lines
but we are more than a mistake or someone’s old regret,
our lives aren’t random chance spun on a wheel with placing of bets

No from before the beginning we were seeds in a field divine
and in the fullness each thereof we have sprouted into life
Now it’s our turn to reproduce after we faithfully align
His cultivation has been planned and He husbands each of our lives
and despite threatening toxicity we are pushing through to thrive

We don’t have to force anything, not bound by links of shame,
fear and doubt may be the wind in our faces but at the sound of the Most High Name
these foes must flee and we will fight because we know confidently,
we must live it in order to leave it, now is our time for legacy

Today we’re free with higher aim; impossible is the challenge we gain;
stronger, here to fortify future links within this chain
We know the vision and take our stand because in His hands is the Master Plan
We know our privilege in in this place, supplications for the mercy to take
freedom from the past and receive the present for the world is at stake

Resolutely moving forward, the light of influence never defeated,
seeking recompense for our forefathers defrauded and deceitfully cheated
In those days our ancestors may have given the enemy his due
but we were birthed to obliterate that curse and now it’s time for our move

We speak to every mountain our dominion was long foretold
We know Whose we are and what we’re anointed to take ahold
We are unified together and no oppression will stop us cold
Look out world; it’s time for a change brought on by His children so bold

You can take your traditions and your religion so full of conditions
But as heirs we cry out for more, we are going beyond intentions
We have tasted the age to come so the pressure of contradiction
Only serves to activate our faith to breakthrough to another dimension

We know our decisions today shape the landscape of tomorrow
We will not leave behind us souls who have to beg and scrape and borrow
The restoration of families and the discipling of nations
This gospel of the Kingdom taught to bring reconciliation

This is the change, the “thing” everyone is longing to see

Yes we stand as a generation gratefully willing to be the seed

We will shine the light and give our all to complete this destiny

And history will be our witness that we chose the great victory

So as we stand together and we share in this declaration

We know we have true power; there is no room for imitation

We will leave an inheritance, an overflow of abundance

Wisdom and truth will guide them and faith will be the substance

They will see order restored, and the ones to come redeemed

because you and I submitted and we purposely received,

the word of truth and purest hearts, uncommon weapons as these

are the greatest in our arsenal when it’s time to route deceit.

This virtuous cycle is the impetus that will form

wholeness in our day and hope for what’s to come

joy as we stand together preparing the Bride for the Son

these are the foundations of His soon and coming kingdom

We are as in the beginning in His image with authority

Walking in this restoration with the Seal of the great family

Through revelation we are conduits to set the captives free

We yield to bring heaven to earth; this is our divine legacy.

©2012 Aisha Nichole Willis

#NaPoWriMo2014

i am here

I am here because I was sent
I was sent because of a plan
I don't know the whole plan
I walk obediently following a call
I'm not good at walking by faith
Everyday I face fear and doubt
Sad to say right now I lose, a lot
You know what?
I am still here because I was sent
There is still a plan
Everyday a little more is revealed
I make decisions because I am not to aimlessly wander
I have been given gifts
My gift is making room for me
Not because of me or anything I've done
It's a spiritual law
Spiritual laws, like natural ones are always in effect
I can work with or against the goodness of the future
I'm not giving up or giving in
I don't know the details of how now gets worked out
I just know it does and it works well
I will not come this way again
I will not be held back or delayed anymore
Let go of what's mine
I see this trick for what it's been
I won't be  your puppet on a string
I'm not going crazy, I'm going free
He called me here
He made a way
He prepared and sent provision
He always wins

the shore

Image: Cerebrallyvolupte, Deviant Art

I want to go back there into that hazy place

The breeze and temperature like a snapshot

Capturing a moment of perfection

The mist kisses my skin

My hair slightly flowing

The scent is what takes me in

No salt in this air

The sand perfect

Never too coarse or hot

Soft underfoot as I walk

I breathe in the sunset or does it rise

The light abounds

Not just on the horizon

It also seems to come from within

Inhale, exhale

Just the right amount

In and out

I feel so whole

I hear my heartbeat

A rhythm like I’ve never known

I keep time

Breathing deep, sensing everything

I can hear the blood rushing

And then I feel it, the water is at my feet

Washing over me

Not cold, not hot

Just the right warm

And I feel the moisture

Why do I come back here?

Every time like sweet torture

As I turn and look up, the answer is before me

There you are on a distant shore

I can see you

Beautiful

Healthy

Strong

Just the way I want to remember you

Smiling

Happy

And then you’re gone

The mist has taken you again

The kiss on my face is the tears

Interlaced

Flowing

Falling

But I’m grateful for these moments to see you

As you were then, as you are now

Just not how you were in the end

I still loved you then

But you were, no are

so much more

Which is why in my dreams I meet you

On the shore

- Aisha Nichole

#NaPoWriMo2014