I'm Tired.

Truth is, I'm tired.

Silence is an exercise and that membership has been paid
Awakening again.
The best plans laid have been exposed for lies, after years of hearing the cries of the mistreated
You thought my silence meant I'd been defeated, but you missed the memo
Head down, not in fear or shame but unlearning, researching, relearning and growing

You think you know it all, but your fruit is all the proof I need to know
There's been the promotion of a lie that you're now willing to die for
But this argument that you continue to present, while you vent and assure me, I need to repent is the one rooted in deceit
And the tree planted at your feet, you're using for refuge will one day refuse to shelter you

And you wonder why I don't want to spend my time with you
And you ask why I removed my presence
My soul, my essence is worth protection and until you stop with this incessant rejection of facts you will not see me back
Because truth is, I'm real tired

Untold years of this misbehavior and I'm supposed to believe you suddenly really see me through the eyes of a Savior?
Whom you swear is also mine but somehow my sins are seen as a greater crime because, well...
Let's just say your understanding of diversity is limited because your actions tell me you want assimilation and my train doesn't have time for that station
I'm going to keep rolling on to find another location where the damnation of outcasts isn't seen the final culmination for their hopeless situations 

Where extortion isn't exacted weekly to make someone feel guilty because they chose the roof over their heads or to feed their family
Where who you know or how much you give doesn't earn you a seat at the table or access to the Members Only elitist culture that does more to separate than to satiate the need for reconciliation
Where a good amount of talk is done and names are dropped, making the actions done seem somehow cheap

Let me stop before I'm called out for calling out what I've seen, what I've been
But know, I see you, I know you, and I won't be afraid of you anymore
Because truth is, I'm real tired

And I'm trained, and my faith remains strong as ever
I'm tired but I'm clever and I'm going to continue to do the work given me to do
I'm tired but I'm chosen so I won't be frozen in place by the limitations you try to corral me with

Because I'm tired, I refuse to let the next generation burn themselves out before their time
I may be tired but I'm no fool
I may be tired but the passion of generations before me is my fuel
I'm tired but I'm going to fight because the moral majority was never right

And I've been given a light and a voice
I refuse to let the weight of that choice drain and demand everything of me
I'm going to live the life given me as carefree as I can be and hope to possibly inspire others to take their stand 

I'm tired because I carried the weight of your expectations for so long I was convinced it was my burden
But I'm no beast and my back won't be broken doing the labor for your child-like, selfish entitlement
Hear what I said and know what I meant
I am who I am and for that, I won't repent
You may soon see me again, but please know my friend the shadow of who I was won't ever be seen again

Truth is, I was tired but now I've been set free
I'm no longer sacrificing myself on your altar of gentrified piety

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Reaction: Like Morning Follows Night

BlackSun RWBY Tumblr

Wait! I see neither morning, nor night. What's happening here, Aisha? Well, nothing yet.

The RWBY Volume 4 Original Soundtrack & Score won't be released until June 16, 2017. So until then, no arguments about whether or not this song is another allusion to Black Sun (Eclipse). Of course, I totally think it is, just like "Not Fall In Love" from Volume 3. But I'm not here for ship wars as much as I am for music. 😁

All of that to say, my reaction will be available sometime within the next couple of weeks after release. In the meantime, if you haven't read the introduction, check out the first post. Make sure to grab your pre-order on iTunes or Amazon, or grab a hard copy in the Rooster Teeth Store when it's available.

Rock on, y'all!

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Songs List

1. Let’s Just Live
2. Like Morning Follows Night
3. Bad Luck Charm
4. This Life is Mine
5. Home
6. Armed and Ready
7. Lusus Naturae
8. Bumblb

Lyrics on RWBY Wikia or Lyric Videos on FlyntofRWBYNation's YouTube.

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Reaction: Let’s Just Live

RWBY Poster by kimmy77 on DeviantArt


These are my thoughts on “Let’s Just Live” from the RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack. For more details on each of the song posts check out my introduction here. If you’re looking for a different song, hyperlinks at the bottom of the page will get you there quickly. Enjoy!

The RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Reaction Awakens

Many of the new songs for RWBY Volume 4 made a big impression upon me, but this one hit me right in the heart. I’ve loved “Let’s Just Live” from the first time I heard that opening drum and guitar drive, and this full-length version only reinforced my affinity for it.

It took me almost 20 minutes to get through the five-minute song, because I kept pausing so I could reflect or cry. Lately, I’ve struggled with the value of my life, if it has any meaning other than repeated failure. I’ve wondered why I keep trying, why do I keep fighting when life continues to dole out utter trash? I know, that’s just life. To see what’s happening all around the world and feel like there’s nothing I can do to help, to see friends and family struggle and not have anything to give; it’s tempting to want to give up. Incredibly tempting.

Hearing the anthemic declaration “Let’s Just Live” is just what I needed. I am ridiculously moved by words and music, so this is powerful to me.

The second verse continues to tell the story of Beacon’s favorite students and the challenges they’ve faced as the realities of life smacked them in the face. There are some moments here where matching the lyrical flow of the first verse get a little, interesting; but it doesn’t halt the experience.

By the time it gets to the breakdown in the latter half of the song, that’s exactly what happened to me. I paused as the tears ran down my cheeks. I listened to the words, more than a couple of times in that slowed down section.

I love the theatrical build of this song. It comes back with a powerhouse guitar solo and finishes with an altered chorus for the outro. Man, it is so good!

Final Thoughts on Let's Just Live

Life has its ups and downs, but we make decisions to get back up when we fall, to face the scary parts, to move forward even when we’re faithless or feel that everything has fallen apart. I really do love this song! Oh and the Easter egg in here - all aboard the Feels Express. Jeff Williams has my heart in his hands.

It’s not without its hiccups. There are parts where the mix seems weird, maybe it’s just my audio setup, but overall it’s a strong showing.

The RWBY Volume 4 Original Soundtrack & Score will be available June 16, 2017, and is currently available for pre-order on Amazon and iTunes. Hard copies are sure to be available in the Rooster Teeth Store.

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Songs List

1. Let’s Just Live
2. Like Morning Follows Night
3. Bad Luck Charm
4. This Life is Mine
5. Home
6. Armed and Ready
7. Lusus Naturae
8. Bumblb

Lyrics on RWBY Wikia or Lyric Videos on FlyntofRWBYNation's YouTube.

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Reaction: Beacon’s Ready to Bop!

Cover Art for the
RWBY Volume 4 Original Soundtrack & Score

The RWBY Volume 4 Original Soundtrack and Score has a release date of June 16, 2017 and four tracks are available for pre-order now on both iTunes and Amazon. Nothing in the Rooster Teeth Store yet, but as of "print" promotional social media has begun.

Yes, I downloaded the pre-order; darn my impatience when it comes to music! I wasn’t planning on a write up, but three minutes into “Let’s Just Live” that changed. Jeff Williams loves playing with emotions, I see.

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack: The Way My Reactions are Set Up

My RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack reactions were written in the moment to capture the Oh My Gosh This is FINALLY Happening! of it. I paused long enough to write out how I felt or what I was thinking. I say this because there are sudden transitions, which I left unfiltered, because I hope it better captures the moment. I edited for grammar and, full disclosure, there are some spots where I went back to complete my thought.

The first paragraph for each song has my initial thoughts, based on what we knew from its appearance in the show, or in the case of “Bumblb” how much I think Jeff Williams loves trolling the fandom. Because, c’mon y’all know he had fun at the expense of BumbleBY shippers. I’m going to laugh if he later says it’s a ReNora song, or something crazy like that.

In addition to my reactions, I’ve added thoughts on the songs themselves, lyrics, production, musicality, etc. I don’t want to call it a legit review, but it’s as close as I get. As some of the reactions had quite a bit of content, I’ve split them into separate posts and provided links to navigate directly to each song.

When the full soundtrack is available, I’ll add the other four songs. Yes, I know full versions of “Armed and Ready” and “Lusus Naturae” already exist, but those aren’t final so I’ll wait. Y’all rock, thanks for stopping in. Click below to quickly move to the various recaps.

RWBY Volume 4 Soundtrack Songs List

1. Let’s Just Live
2. Like Morning Follows Night
3. Bad Luck Charm
4. This Life is Mine
5. Home
6. Armed and Ready
7. Lusus Naturae
8. Bumblb

Lyrics on RWBY Wikia or Lyric Videos on FlyntofRWBYNation's YouTube.

RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 2 Recap - Who You Gonna Call?

*note: this review has potential spoilers if you’re not caught up with the main RWBY series*

Salutations! The title alone for RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 2, Geist Buster, begs for this post to be riddled with 80s references, jokes and slang. (You did read the title, right?) How can I fall for such a cheap trick? There’s a lot a material for a girl to work with, but I’ll try my best not to push it too far. Are you giving me the, “Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout Willis?” face yet? Surely you knew I would not resist. Surely. Let’s check out what the beautiful ones are up to in this week’s episode!

RWBY Chibi Lit up by Literature

Our first short, “Book Lovers” starts with the belle of the bookish ball, Blake, immersed in a good book. Enter the RY of Team RWBY. An “innocent” question leads to monumental joy from the usually somber Baewatch #1, who is convinced her teammates have finally converted into normal, book-loving people. Look at this sheer happiness!

Screenshot: Hello Happy Kitty!

She likes big books and she cannot lie, these other kittens can’t deny/ When she sees a thick spine, with a story that’s divine, she hits a yowl/ Kitty got stacks!

Now to be certain, the Xiao Long-Rose sisters are not to be trusted. Do they want to expand their minds? Of course not! Their cheeky chuckles are a dead giveaway there will be no enjoyment of the written word. Heathens! #smh #icant #wtf

Screenshot: Feel the wrath of Team Xiao Long-Rose

Yang may be Baewatch #2, but dafuq you doing boo? What did books ever do to you? At least she continues to embody Pun-kelman-senpai’s sense of humor. Anyone else expect a punny book title and pause the video? Your unlocked achievement reward was book titles, “How to Arm Yourself” and “Another Pun” thrown from Yang’s right hand. Pure, freaking comedic GOLD!

Additional book titles: Slave to the Sword, The Man With Two Souls, The Sais of Passion, How to Read and Write: Part 1

Just Monkeying Around

RWBY Chibi Season 2 continues to give us Sun, as he swings his tail into action in the bump. It made me think of the old Fairy Tail bumps with Happy. We move on to a saddened Neptune attempting to clean and polish his Vale Junior Detective badge, lamenting its inability to shine. (Yet another song in your head!)


This short, aptly titled “Shiny Badge” continues with some peanut butter, cheeky lines from Sun and a super cute Zwei… and that’s really all I can say about that. I mean Sun and Zwei, in the same shot, what else do you need? Also once you watch it #ewwwwgross!

Gutbusting Geistbusters

The next bump stars fan-favorite villain and master of the permanent hair flip, Roman Torchwick. I always thought he’d go out with a bang, but he got Attack on Titan’ed instead. But I digress.

Best girl is back with her Wile E. Coyote-esque signs. She’s neat, petite and cruelly sweet - it’s Neo!! The one person who can kick Baewatch #2’s butt and I won’t mind. In "Geist Buster", Torchwick is devising a nefarious scheme to end the girls called Plan G. A sneaky little poltergeist Grimm is sent on its way to wreak havoc. Hello maniacal, evil overlord laugh!

Blake is literally not having any luck with books today. Chibi Yang punching at the air in an attempt to fight stray books is cuter than it should be. And Snow Angel works Myrtenaster to try to lend a hand, but all of their efforts fall flat.

The Devious Duo go on to destroy “Little Red”, when they find her with the other favorite kitchen ninja, Ren! His perfect pancakes quickly become home to a new host, causing our heroes pain and leaving Roman to believe he’s finally won.

Until Nora, Ms. Steal Yo Scene casually enters the picture. I don’t know how Samantha Ireland gets through her lines, there has to be hours of outtake laughter. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, but Torchwick’s plans burn out, thanks to the Valkyrie.

Screenshot: Nora, the hero we all deserve.
All she does is win, win, win no matter what.

RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 2 Final Thoughts

RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 2 was super short at only 2:57. I laughed, on the first and third shorts and I was grossed out by the second one. Well, honestly I did laugh at Mr Cool not being able to keep up; I’m so mean! It’s not my favorite episode but it was solid, in my opinion. That may have to do with the large amount of Blake and/ or Yang screen time. You’ve probably noticed, they’re my faves.

The RWBY Chibi wardrobe styling is pretty freaking amazing! The attention to detail for all the characters is quite something. From the rich value of the ombre on Blake’s tights, to the vivid red ruffles on Ruby’s skirt and boots, to the brilliance of Yang’s emblem, transparency of the sheer on her skirt, to the little, bitty lavender bandana at her chubby knees, and the way Weiss’s patterns stand out, these animators must love what they’re doing! It’s also noticeable with Neo and Roman, with all the little markings we know so well from their 2D counterparts. Who else just thought of this guy?

What did you think of RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 2? Did the adorable Zwei gross you out? Is Nora your hero? Comments are open.


Adventure Points:

• Puns are fun! 
• Plan G Easter egg

RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 1 Recap - My Cheeks are Red Like Roses from Laughter

RWBY Chibi Season 2
Team RWBY Fan Poster by RaidenRaider

*note: this review has potential spoilers if you’re not caught up with the main RWBY series*

Laugh and the world laughs with you, laugh at yourself and you’ll always be entertained. My twist on a classic quote and something I try to live by to keep myself from being so dang serious. Laughing at yourself is good, unless you’re like the Joker, then it’s probably criminal, but I digress. Let’s get to recapping RWBY Chibi Season 2, Episode 1: Director Ozpin!

RWBY Chibi Season 2 picks on RWBY writers

Geeks, nerds, and the like, it’s back! RWBY Chibi is ready to tickle our funniest bones, and as the above intro suggests, Rooster Teeth is poking fun at themselves. This begins with the stunted observation powers of usually wise headmaster, Professor Ozpin, pre-Oscar nomination transmutation, in the “Director Ozpin” short.

We have the same adorable intro as last year until Baewatch #2, aka Yang, accidentally uses her super strength to push over the “CHIBI” portion of what is revealed to be a set, causing Baewatch #1, Blake, to tumble from the RWBY portion up top, and fall onto Yang’s head. Two seconds in, and we already have shipping AND handling; and all the BumbleBY shippers fangasmed.

RWBY Chibi Screenshot: BumbleBY Shipping

In strides Chibi Ozpin *fangirl squeal* to find out what’s going on when Ruby suddenly starts to have the Scooby-gang worthy idea that maybe there is subterfuge within the ranks?! *gasp* Our wistfully optimistic Ozpin tries to put her anxious mind at ease, laughing off her concerns, and sending our brave huntresses-in-training to play in the Grimm-filled woods. < sarcasm font >What a leader!< /sarcasm font > I won’t say exactly what happens, but Mercury and Emerald are on hand at opportune moments.

To wrap it up with the ultimate burn (yes, yes I said it), Cinder is there to add her fiery, sarcastic pokes at Miles’s and Kerry’s writing. I mean, why not? The rest of the fandom does it.

Side note: Can I just say that Kara’s delivery of Weiss’s “so not here for the shenanigans” voice makes me think of the greatness that is Rihanna’s don’t give a funk attitude. It’s a thing of glory and beauty. Thank you Kara, I applaud you.

RWBY Chibi is out of this world

I don’t know why CRWBY enjoys tap dancing on our geeky little hearts, but they do it. Often. Making us alternate between laughter and tears like pubescent teenagers, à la Katie Ka-Boom, with their stories. The bump before the next short, “UFO” prominently features Pyrrah’s (pour one out for the homie) shield spinning across the screen. Yes, this is right after watching Ozpin get handled by Cinder. Rooster Teeth, feel the burn of my side eye. ALL. OF. IT.

In any event, Nora, Queen of the Boopdom, Jaune, the Duke of Personality, and Pyrrah, our beloved, inCinderated Knight are gathered around farm toys (a callback to Season 1's Compost King), producing their own alien abduction story, where the spinning shield is the “UFO” (excellent transition, btw). It all falls to hell suddenly when Pyrrah loses control due to a sneeze. Yay for the return of Jen Brown’s epic “Sorry!” Also, Nora with her extraness; the trauma, the drama! Boop.

RWBY Chibi: JNPR Shenanigans

No dodging friendship in RWBY Chibi

Finally, it’s time for a friendly game of “Dodgeball” in the short of the same name. Ruby, Yang, Jaune, Nora, Absmaster Sun, Bro No Hydro Neptune, Zwei!!! and the ever-precious, Penny are gathered here today to get through this thing called Awkward Social Interactions.

After some Captain Obvious-style statements from Bro No, the game begins, faces are crushed and mega-important extremities lost in retaliation. Although obvious in heading, the schtick was still funny af and we’re treated to an ending shot of a poised and happy Penny and Bro No, decked out in his Junior Detective ‘stache, so all’s well that ends well.

Final thoughts on RWBY Chibi Season 2 Episode 1

I’m excited for the new season of mini RWBY goodness, and ready to laugh my *** off. I thought this was a solid episode, clocking in at just over three minutes, with three shorts giving us Zwei, two new Chibi versions of characters, three villains, the four mains, and five friends. (see what I did there?) The animation is lovely, almost sparkly and I like the return of the vibrant colors and whimsical music. As a final note, character wardrobes continue to follow Volumes 1 - 3.

It’s great to hear all the voices, and yes I readily admit, Lindsay’s Ruby makes me happy — fight me. It would be great to see Chibi Ironwood (OMG how do you even make him adorable?), Glynda (but yeah, I know), Klein, Qrow with a baby flask, and Raven simply because she’s a badass and I want to see that in cutesy form.

Taking shots at themselves was a great way to start the new season. I’m hoping to see more RT-worthy antics, dry humor, and find Easter eggs from other Rooster Teeth properties in RWBY Chibi Season 2.

Which RWBY characters do you hope to see in Season 2? Are there any stories you’re hoping they tell? What did you think of the first episode?

Adventure Points:

• Poking fun at self 
• Use of the word “nefarious” 
• Penny’s use of “normal meat person” made me think of Gail Simone’s “Clean Room” comic, where I believe the term was “meatbag”

Worthless Dreams

EvelynGiggles

I hate dreams.

I aged into it. As a child, I loved them. I lived for them. I now know I wasted so much time, head in the clouds, certain the world would change through dedication and hard work.

It hasn't. It refuses.

And so, as many who have gone before me, I find dreams and any semblance thereof,c to be of little value.

Dreams are nightmares waiting to happen.

Dreams are waiting for a seeming eternity and yet "fulfilled" in anti-climaxes.

Dreams are internet trolls pranking us.

Dreams (well fulfilled ones) live in a village I can't find the directions to.

Dreams are debilitating.

Dreams take your breath away and laugh as the sparks of hope that once danced in your eyes flicker out.

Follow your dreams, be brave, step on the edge, fall to a figurative death.

Get better or get bitter, or best yet, stop having dreams and there's nothing to worry about.

F*ck hope and her sister faith.

Dream at your own risk.

I'm Building My Own Sandbox

I will succeed. I will be happy, healthy, financially stable, debt free, and able to give exceedingly. I will have time to spend with my family and friends.

Not everyone's path is the same. Not everyone's success is similar. Tenacity is important, but one person's drive may not resemble another's.

Our differences in approach to life are as diverse as our external makeup. I've often discounted and disqualified myself because I'm not like the other people I admire who are incredibly successful.

But we all have our own ways.

Life likes to help you along sometimes, forcing you to make a quick choice or by virtue of needing to put food on the table, you're moved into something maybe you wouldn't have chosen.

But I believe in THE DIVINE, not coincidence.

I downplayed the friend who said maybe I was like other geniuses... she said when they didn't fit, they created their own paths. I thought she was being silly. After all, I'm no {insert famous trailblazers name here}.

But later, I asked myself why not? Why couldn't I be like them? Why wouldn't I be like them? I'm not difficult for the fun of it; I'm particular.

I do GOOD work, and when I'm with the right team, it's GREAT work. But as a person who has said for years it's important for me to know the rules so that I know I'm effectively breaking them, I think she might be on to something.

Chaos, disorder, problems... I see it and I solve it. And in my mind if I've done it correctly, you never have to know I was there. Communication is one of the major keys to problem solving. I have a knack for it. This post may be disjointed as all get out, but I usually present polished information - whether verbally delivered or via print. I take pride in that.

Mediation is important to me in an effort to reach reconciliation. That doesn't mean everything is delivered in "acceptable," milquetoast, mamby-pambyisms either. But that desire within me to use communication to reach better conclusions, that's a marketable skill. The ability to assimilate information into viable strategies, yeah people pay "consultants" for that.

As another friend said to me recently, "Don't give all that away for free. Do not be afraid to let people know that's how you earn your living." Or in Aisha terms, "My mind is my moneymaker."

I may be the world's latest bloomer but you will feel the light of my life shine on you at some point, whether you know it or not.

I'm building my own sandbox and the castles therein.

Encourage Yourself

It won't always be like this.

 
I know if "feels" like it hasn't changed, like life will always kick you in the face when you've already fallen down, but surely it will get better at some point.

Surely.

At some point.

Don't give up.

Don't. Give. Up.

Don't you dare give up.

I know you're tired. 

I know you hate this.

You're more than the sum of your failures.

It won't always be like this.

It can't be.

Excuse Me.

What’s not going to happen here is an excuse

The idea that something so horrid and hurtful can be swept away as “guy talk”

Should be something that makes us all balk

And not because you have a mother, sister, wife or a daughter

But because you are simply human

Why do we have to bargain, to prove our right to exist?

Why should the length of my skirt, or curve of my hip

Or heaven forbid, the kissability of my lips

Be at fault for someone else’s deviant actions?

I was five maybe six the first time my lips came in contact with a man’s penis

I didn’t do anything wrong, I was a child, at the level of kindergarten

What could I have done to make a young man want to know what grows in my garden?

NOTHING!

By the time it happened again, I was six or seven, and this time an older girl did me in

She made me strip down to nothing and let a little boy hump me

While she played to her own satisfaction

My cries and tears, all of my reactions

Meant NOTHING!

As I grew older and withdrew from the femininity within me, everyone assumed I was gay

And if I was, whose business was it anyway?

But perhaps I was just hiding my own beauty, my womanly curves

Perhaps I cursed them because I thought it was my fault

And you see, I can’t count the times my backside has been grabbed,

my breasts pushed up against, the times I’ve been wrapped up from behind while a semi-erect penis pressed into my back

But see, I bet you didn’t know this all the times you called me awkward

I kissed a girl once, I was still a child and so was she, and I never stopped feeling guilty

Because I was six years older than she and I should have known better

Did I do to her what had been done to me?

I’ve painfully contemplated this repeatedly, over a kiss

But I find it’s easy for others to dismiss the actions of full-grown men

Who can’t be told “No” without devolving and giving in

to lustful rage and taking what they think belongs to them

We excuse, we say prison would be too much for him

Yet the survivor is questioned again and again about what she drank

And if she leadingly tempted him?

See, society seems to think “men are only men”

And that somehow that gives them an animalistic pass when dealing with women

That they are only at the mercy of their lusts

And that because of our curves they can’t resist us

And it’s all our fault, and we mean nothing

And our lives are put on trial

And we become a spectacle for a while

Our lives pulled apart, everyone attempting to detect our lives

Excuse me, lies

But we would hand over the highest office to a man who gets off

On preying on someone’s weakness

As if we’re so star struck by wealth and fame

And he considers women a game,

young girls a thing to be toyed with

While the morality crowd tosses him their kiss

And blames actual victims for not fighting back

A moral center is something you lack

When you tell a victim she should be ashamed

That she is responsible and to blame

For the reprehensible, unbelievable things that happened to her

“Maybe you should have…”

Perhaps YOU, yourself should take a step back

Heaven forbid you have to walk an inch in her shoes

And have to fight the feelings and demons she powers through

God bless your soul if you had to pay the same toll

See, I was a child left in hands of protectors, who turned out to be predators

Yet I consider myself lucky to only face what I did

I had to learn to forgive, no not the perpetrators

But myself

I had to set myself free from that closet floor

The place where I wasn’t strong enough to hold closed a door

And part of my innocence was left behind

I did nothing wrong

I’m not the one who needs to be excused

And I won’t excuse the behavior of those who chose to hurt me

I won’t let my little self be their excuse

But I also won’t let this bruise remain on my soul

I will champion the hurt and broken, we share a bond of words not spoken

I won’t let the continued silence of victims be turned against them as violence

You can’t excuse this as lewd words, because there are women behind them that have been hurt

Stop the excuses, reveal the lies

It’s not OK, to continually make survivors cry

Find your moral compass and follow it back

To a place where we’re not blamed for our attacks

If you think I’ve said too much, or that maybe I was too graphic

Perhaps what you should stop to see is that’s a bit tragic

I’ve freed myself from my own fear here

Through these few words I’ve shared

You’ll have to forgive the pain of their truth

I’ve lived through my own nightmare

So you’ll have to forgive me and take this as my proof

Because actions that lead to this kind of pain, are not something I will just excuse

Dear Arlington

Dear Arlington,

We've had this awkward relationship for a while now. The first time I lived here, I was but a child, 18 years old and attempting to take on the world.

Like many, I showed up to UTA with hopes, dreams, and determination to conquer whatever was thrown at me. Round One went to you. Four years after I arrived I ran home, broken, depressed, insecure and unsure of who I was and what I was meant to do.

All of that hard work, all of the focus, attention, and dedication seemed for naught. You even served as the place I experienced my first real heartbreak. And for all of that, I despised you.

Fast forward, slowly 13-1/2 years and I came back. Not quite as hopeful, more than a bit hesitant, but still looking to fulfill a dream. One that I swore would never live again, that was somehow resurrected through unusual circumstances.

UTA, though seen as a place of defeat was now going to come up off of what was mine - I was going to fight! And fight, I did. And cry, I did. And fail, I did. And disappoint myself, I did. And get up again and again, I did. But I wasn't alone, or trust me, I would have stayed down. So I learned and I grew. You may have broken my heart before, Arlington, but I was willing to try again.

A great community came together to PUSH me forward, to believe when I wouldn't, and to support me when I couldn't. And for all of them, old and new, I thank God. I will not forget the kindness shown to me or what I have learned from each of them. I absolutely would not be here, at this moment, were it not for them.

Last December part of the dream came true. I finally obtained what I set foot at UTA to do, in a different (but the perfect) discipline. I found out more about who I am, and what I was always created to do. Also, that incredibly expensive certificate doesn’t define me; I give it value, not the other way around. (Selah, think on that)

I won’t lie, I didn’t like the process of getting here, but here I stand, prepared for the next round. I am in a new place, sent an invitation from someone who was willing to take a chance; my gratitude for her willingness and faith in my ability knows no bounds.

I have new challenges to face and new roles to embrace. Thanks for all the lessons, and for all the incredible friends, but it’s time for this chapter to come to its end. I am not defined by a title, I am not limited by fear, and so it is with great pleasure I say, “Goodbye Arlington, dear.”

Twelve days until the next chapter begins in McKinney!

What? If.

What can you do?

If you say anything, you're criticized.
If you do something, you're scandalized.

If you ask for freedom, you're told it's not free.
If you ask for justice, you're given grief.

If you look for empathy, you may be stabbed in the back.
If you search for help, you're told to grab a bootstrap.

If you want the truth, you'll have to wade through lies.
If you want unity, somehow you still have to pick a side.

If you show them your scars, they claim self infliction.
If you want to see change, it's time to move with intention.

If my voice is shaking, I'll still speak with conviction.
If my story bothers you, then YES you're the you that I mentioned.

If we allow this to go uncontested, how will we explain to generations
We had the power to change, but we settled for manipulations?

What will we do?

How Will History Record Our Response?

My emotional cup runneth over. I was quite vocal about the issues from earlier this week. I didn't make it Downtown Thursday to support because a friend needed an ear, and that is important to me, too.

I wasn't there, but I know many who were and I'm grateful they are home, safe. I don't have the words to describe how I feel about the events that happened that night. I've been telling you all week how valuable life is to me. That hasn't changed. Doesn't matter if they wear a uniform or are an everyday person.

Life is Valuable and to be Honored

For those who are trying to make this some sort of debate about whether police lives or black lives matter more, you've missed the point entirely. Life is precious and to be honored, no matter what. It's not a matter of putting the life or lives of one against another. Think deeper than that, allow for the fact that there is not an either/or situation happening. There is a massive systemic issue at hand and it has colored all of our thinking.

But I will say this, you can clearly see, when civil servants fall in the line of duty, everyone rallies together to care, to show concern, to voice outrage, to see what can be done. That's good and that's normal. I would hope we care about that. I hope we honor and remember these men with pride and dignity for their service, and their sacrifice.

But when we see black, latino, indigenous, Asian men and women hurt, raped, or killed by the overreach of those in authority, many question why we as people of color (POC, those who have been denigrated by global systems of white supremacy) care, especially since we don't know the person or the families affected. Well, years of oppression, "otherness," and a system against us has shown us something, and that is that collectively our lives don't seem to amount to much in that system. (Again, I am not saying POC lives matter more, so don't see/hear/sense or make it out to be that)

Our deaths or harm can be seen repeatedly through various media, and the court of public opinion will still say we deserved it. I'm not attempting to paint anyone with a broad brush here, again it’s a systemic problem, but hear me when I say, we've learned that our "cornrows" are unprofessional but "boxer braids" are cool. (for those who don’t know, it’s the same hairstyle) That may be a fashion thing, but the point is, the differences in reception to what is done by and to POC and others is vast, this includes our deaths.

I noticed that as Alton Sterling's and Philando Castile's names were trending and the situations were highlighted, there were a few non-POC leaders who said something. There were some who acknowledged that this was painful. We heard the silence of the rest, until Thursday night. I'm not saying everybody has to say something all of the time, because they don’t (and that’s unreasonable), and I’m not attempting to shame anyone. Also, it’s a brilliant thing to know when to hold your tongue (or your fingers). 

But in the face of the recession, leaders said things; in the face of terrorism, leaders said things; in the face of “black-on-black crime” and black fatherlessness leaders say things; Thursday leaders said things. But in the face of black death at the hands of rogue authority figures, there seems to be nothing to say.

The Lt. Governor of Texas somehow believes Black Lives Matter should be held responsible for Thursday night’s tragedy because of their "rhetoric," but he actively allows the KKK to continue in this state - and for those of you who think there is any parallel between the two, I’d ask you to rethink that.

Anarchists Versus Activists

KKK

history.com

Look at history and you’ll see how the system brought about and supported the creation of the notorious supremacy group the Ku Klux Klan. To get things "back in order" after the Civil War, this "fraternity" began. They were afraid and they continued to spread lies about the lack of humanity of black people to justify their actions. 

The KKK has violently destroyed any life or way of life not like their own. They lynched, burned, blew up churches, burned crosses (CROSSES!!) on front lawns, dragged people to death behind vehicles, and more. The KKK believes they represent the chosen, that the rest of us are the problem, and they have a divine right to “deal with others” as they see fit. 

They believe a celebration of diversity or things like interracial marriage are “white genocide” (check that hashtag on Twitter if you’ve ever hoped or actually thought racism was over) In short, the KKK terrorizes and kills. They want to live in an all-white utopia, which sounds a bit like anarchism to me. Also note, if the destruction of other people groups is at the core; there are no “good guys” amongst the KKK.

BLM

Now for Black Lives Matter. It's an activist group, relatively new and borne out of the stress in this nation from repeatedly seeing unarmed black people tried and executed or harmed (reference the girl in McKinney last year) on the street by out of control police officers. Police brutality happens. (Do I really need to insert here that I love and appreciate civil servants and that I’m not anti-police? Of course I do, because that’s life.) BLM also shed light on the death of Zachary Hammond and harm caused to Sureshbhai Patel. They're looking to destroy a system, not people. They meet with and work with leaders for better.

BLM galvanized because this system has displayed that black (POC) victims get put on trial, in actual courts and that of public opinion, while others get taken for food on the way to jail, six months in a cushy jail away from other inmates, or probation along with the benefit of the doubt for things like murdering folks in cold blood in a church, raping an unconscious woman or killing and maiming people while driving drunk. Black Lives Matter exists to bring change to a system that overwhelmingly does not support us, seems bent on destroying us and attempts to blind others to these facts. It hopes to correct the system for the benefit of all. 

The Breakdown

It's also sad that I have to add this, but for those who will miss it, I did not say all black people are perfect, all the time and that there are no criminals among us. There are “bad apples” in every shade, nation, and occupation. There is fatherlessness and crime in other communities, too. Yes, we aware of Chicago. As a matter of fact many black people (and POC) for generations, myself included, have marched and talked and sat down with our own communities and leaders to try to make things better. The only reason some don't know or recognize this is because they're not there and then don't listen when we tell them that we do.

BLM is a rally cry. The phrase does not say "ONLY, Black Lives Matter" but somehow people have been led to believe that's what's being said. The truth is, what is being said is "Black Lives Matter, Too." There probably are some not so “good guys” who use the phrase and consider themselves part of the movement, but that is not a representation of the movement. There are black folks and additional POC who are prejudiced, I’m not denying that. I’ve seen those kinds of situations addressed family to family and I’ve seen people change. Hell, I have a good friend who used to be a white supremacist but changed when he really began to learn about God. But hear me, when POC are prejudiced against someone else, there is not a system behind them supporting it. Those hearts have to be dealt with, too but that’s not what we’re dealing with today. Today this system has to be exposed, seen, accepted as real and changed.

The System

The system looks a lot like me being shadowed when I walk through a store, when no one else there receives that same treatment. The system is the story of the man named Jose who couldn’t get callbacks for jobs until he changed the name on his resume to Joe. The system looks like exorbitant unemployment rates for black people, who are trying to work, who are absolutely trained, educated and qualified, but still can’t find work.

The system looks like no money in poor school districts and those students barely receiving a proper education. The system looks like the situation with the water in Flint. The system looks like a traffic stop where one man explains he has a concealed carry permit and a gun in his glove box and gets a ticket for speeding, but Philando Castile’s body is being prepared for burial. And the system is also filled with smaller issues, called microaggressions, that POC face every day. We feel it. We hear things that we allow to pass through the filter of, "They don't know any better,” so we don’t say anything.

And you may ask why we don't say anything in these moments. Well, when we do we’re told we’re being too sensitive or that “political correctness” is the real problem in America. Also, it looks something like this:

Take 1
POC: "Black, Native, Brown, Asian Lives Matter"
Response: "All Lives Matter"


Take 2
POC: "Look, this Black, Asian, Latino, Native man/woman went into town to get something and was shot in cold blood because he asked a question when the police officer told him to do something he didn't understand or that the person felt was a violation of his/ her right as an American."
Response: "He/She should have complied."
POC: "Philando Castile"
Response: "Why is the fiancee so calm?"


Take 3
POC: "We think some of our state representatives and senators really don't represent us, care about us and they're keeping us from voting."
Response: "You're making that up."

Reality: 

This is a former congressman.

Take 4
POC: "It's very difficult to find work, even when you're qualified." or 

"I was laid off in the massive company changes and it's been difficult to find work." or 

“I’m seriously thinking about changing my name, because I’m not getting callbacks.”

Response: "Pick yourself up by your bootstraps. Nobody helped my family." or

“Lazy, black people always looking for a f-ing handout.” or 

“It’s easier to be black in America, you’ve got affirmative action and all that, I don’t know why they act like they can’t get jobs.” or 

“Poor people are so lazy, they should get an education and do better.” 

{by the way, yes I’ve heard these things myself, sometimes people forget I’m black. Then they say things like, “Well you’re not really black,” which is another conversation altogether.}

What Will We Do?

I could go on but I'm tired and you don't want to read anymore. My point is this, please stop trying to convince us that the reality we live in doesn’t exist just because some don't (or won't) see and accept it. We are working to make it better, as best we can. Not all black people and POC are on or have been on welfare, nor are we looking for a “white savior” or a handout - real talk. 

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help. Please note that even with educational disparities, because separate but equal is a lie and still happens, black women are the most educated segment of the American population. (I’m going to let you Google that for yourself, but there were headlines when the news broke)

Not all immigrants are terrorists or are stealing jobs. Jobs have been sent to other countries for the sake of better bottom-line profitability, because you can underpay workers in other countries that don’t have the same regulations as the U.S. I like profitable companies, that’s important and I like a healthy economy. But when the companies are growing and the people are suffering for it, there might be an issue. Money and power are powerful drugs.

If you truly care about the POC in your lives, I suggest listening to their stories and why it matters that Scarlett Johansson was cast as a Japanese woman, in a distinctly Japanese story or that a white man played Martin Luther King, Jr in a play. Please hear me when I say this, we listen to the "majority" stories and opinions all the time, via media and entertainment. 

We also listen both to what is said and not said. We learn early on that the system of supremacy is one we must know the ins and outs of intimately. We are here, as always at the table, ready to listen even more. We’re just hoping that we finally get to have a say, as well. I don’t see this as "just a skin issue," I’m not trying to guilt anyone into action. I’m writing for the sake of awareness and to selfishly process all of this.

Look, I’m a lover and a reconciler. I look to Jesus as my savior - I have not walked away from that and I’m looking to Him for strength, strategies and answers. Yes, I know “racism is a sin problem, not a skin problem.” But I’m over pat answers and phrases that mean nothing. I’m not here for a round of the blame game and revisionist history. I’m not here to make anyone “get it.” I am here to learn, understand, grow, and do my part to change history.

When I’m done grieving, I will get up stronger than ever. I want to work together to correct a broken system. I don’t hate anyone. Indifference and dismissal get me pretty riled up, though. I am one who chooses to love and forgive, but that does not mean I don’t observe and recall. Y’all I’m tired and yes, I am angry but I am not bitter. I am still grieving the losses from this week, two black men from other states and five police officers from my own hometown. Dallas, the eyes of the world are on us.

My ancestors, literally and figuratively, alongside many allies and friends, worked too hard for us to devolve in this moment. Can we not reason together and bring this change more than 400 years in the making? Let’s do this, people.