when there aren't any more words

A person's heart, their emotions, their trust is a precious commodity. It takes time to for something even greater to come out of those connections and relationships.

It is personally imperative to value those who are willing and brave enough to trust me- the ones who extend an invitation into their circle, their world. That kindness is no small thing. I am humbled by the opportunity afforded to be allowed in another's world.

But sometimes, unfortunately more than should be, I'm selfish and can't see beyond the two feet in front of me and I forget to show the proper appreciation for those who are important to me. I say the wrong things carelessly without considering how it may affect them. It seems I'm always apologizing.

I wish to show the sincerity, the genuine affection I have for the ones I hold dear. I don't mean to harm yet there are moments of arrogance when only considering myself, I leave no room to see them, their feelings or think of their investments.

I cannot apologize enough. I have no excuses for my behavior. I understand if I've exhausted forgiveness. However, I do have a request for those willing to allow me to continue to carry their trust.

Please accept my gratitude for your kindness and your patience. Know that when I'm not so busy staring into my navel I can see your brilliance, your value, your concern. It is my hope to add great joy, fun, humor and strength into your life, not to be a drain or a burden. I often miss the mark but I am willing to change and grow.

I appreciate you.

never say never

Never in my life did I expect to say the following statement:

I love working at the paper!

My fearless editor-in-chief and student publications director push the team to consider different ways to tell stories. In addition to writing the group is fortunate enough to learn to be creative through multimedia and digital storytelling. But selfishly I just want to focus on the writing part so I can become a better reporter.

I had an "aha" moment yesterday when I figured out it's thinking about those other things that will make me a better reporter. I took 10 minutes to walk outside the newsroom. I traded the walls and fluorescence for greenery and fresh air. I was able to clear my mind before I asked myself the question I hope I've learned to love:

"What's another, more interesting way I can tell this story?"

Within a few minutes I had an answer. I fought the urge to run back to the newsroom and really let the idea sink in. By the time I was back at the desk I was bursting with excitement to discuss the idea with my news editor. He liked it and helped streamline it for the best presentation.

The story is scheduled to publish tomorrow and I'm already thinking of creative supplementation for my other stories. And I'm excited about.

I never thought, imagined or dreamed that being a reporter would interest me. I've avoided it. I disliked the idea before I gave myself a chance to explore and see if reporting was for me.

I'm not telling you that I plan to do this for the rest of my life but I'm starting to see how so many are bewitched by journalism's charms. During spring break I read up on the current state of journalism, women in media and what's happening in the digital age. Seriously.

Even though I'm new at this I decided to change the way I view the newsroom. Yes it's a student publication and it's understood that it is a training ground, a place to learn. But I want to be sure I'm giving back. I'm challenging myself to go beyond.

I'm sure I said, "I'll never be a reporter," because I was afraid to try. I thought I would be bad at it, or say or do the wrong thing, and I dread deadlines. I allowed fear to become a limitation. I never gave myself a chance to do something I currently enjoy. How silly.

I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn. I'm changed by what I've seen and who I've been around. I'm going to give it my all.

Goodbye never.

#ProLove

Ladies and gentlemen of the church persuasion we simply have to do better. I saw something today that broke my heart. I will not go into detail but our brothers and sisters should not have to beg, plead and prove themselves for basic necessities. 

We have charitable arms of our churches and faith-based organizations doing what they can to help the community but we only allow them to do so much. Many of us are more eager to send money halfway around the world than we are down the street. [I love mission work so don't get caught up]

We make judgements on those around us. We think because of their need they've sinned or are immoral. We tell them if they had more faith or if they gave more in the offering they would be blessed. The judgements and this twisted thinking become a harsh standard to which those in need must measure up. 

What is wrong with us?

I'm not attempting to bring judgement. I'm checking my own heart. We have to open our eyes to the greater issue.

We have forgotten to LOVE.

I don't know what love looks like to you but there are times real love looks like discomfort. Doing things you don't want to, going somewhere you never thought you would or helping someone you'd rather not. But that's not always the case.

Personally I have experienced some great moments when I got out of my comfort zone and acted "for the sake of love".

I can't just write this and not let the change start with me. 

I've been a class A jerk lately because I'm in a rough patch. The issue has taken a lot of mental real estate, specifically in the area of patience. In other words I've been short-tempered. 

I have no excuse. Life has rough patches and I have to take it as it comes and love all the way through it. And I will. For those I've been short with or hurt I apologize. Please forgive me for not living the life of love and honor that I said I would. I've been too focused on my own little world.

Christians we have the uncommon weapons of love, honor, unity and repentance. We should use them.

After all the One we follow said:

John 13:34-35 Amplified

We're supposed to look like Love. It starts with me. Are you in?

simply amazing

hobbylobby.com

I am simply amazing.

I am not full of myself. Quite the opposite actually. I am plagued with self-doubt. I am challenged by the fear of failure. It is paralyzing. It is not good.

But the lies that I've rehearsed, rehashed and fed myself over and over again are just that, lies! They are not true. They cannot defeat me.

What is true?

I am good because I'm made in the image of God. I am loving and kind through the gift of repentance.

I am smart. God blessed me with that. It requires a lot of hard work. I may gain basic understanding quickly but without deeper investigation to take root, I will falter quickly. This means I actually have to read my textbooks and supplementary articles for practical application. When I don't read, I doubt my understanding even when I'm able to ace a test with general knowledge.

I am socially awkward. It's one of my quirks. It was recently confirmed that I am both strongly extroverted and introverted, an ambivert. I need just as much alone and quiet time to process life as I do social interaction. Still there are times I don't know how to interact with people. I get caught up in the "what will they think about me?" trap sometimes and if I hang out there it gets ugly. Then there are "life of the party" days and I work a room ensuring people are connecting and that all the wallflowers have a chance to meet new people.

I make mistakes, I say the wrong things, I hurt those who love me and am hurt by the same.

I offend when I don't mean to, I talk too much, I swear.

I have failed innumerable times and I keep trying, even though I'm afraid.

I am learning. I am a dreamer. I am a visionary.

I am a student, a journalist and public relations practitioner in training, I am a leader.

I am passionate, I love with my whole heart, I am loyal.

I am dedicated, I am persuasive, I am hard working.

I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a woman (a beautiful one at that!).

I am a child of God.

I am simply amazing.

And so are you.