lovequest moonlight

If there were a trellis under the balcony outside my window, would you visit me in the light of the full moon and sing the praises of my love? Would you stand below and court my heart by tickling my ears with your clever phrases and use sound pictures to take me places? Would the purity of your love permeate the structures that separate us and enter into my soul to show your self, true self to me? Would you, as a gentleman, if I met you in the garden underneath my window nervously smile as I walk shyly by? What’s this has our love brought a tear to my eye?

Would you on a warm summer night take my hand under radiant moonlight and lead me in a dance to the song of our beating hearts? As I look into your eyes reflecting the light from the moon, can you see my heart that burns because I love you? Now we follow garden paths, wandering in this maze, taking in the scent of luscious flowers, wishing this moment to go on for days. All too soon our journey comes to an end and we are back to where we began. We stand here beneath the trellis and what will you do, what can we say? And as you draw me close I hear those words that push away doubt and fear as you breathe out gently, “I love you dear.”

follow you there

Most will see me and not know I’m there

like a little sister to protect and to care

How am I to dream? Why bother with hope?

The emotions I feel have become such a joke

I play, I give we have some fun

but time after time I’m not the one

This place, I’m scared but it’s all I’ve known

sitting in darkness, always so alone

Then there you were, one day you came

and since then nothing’s been the same

Our talks and time, the things we’ve shared

you’ve surprised me with your willing care

I’m here, love found, ‘cause you’re the one

my mind, my heart, our souls in the Son

You saw me, you knew I had no clue

but now you’re the one to who I am true

You came, you found me, into my eyes you stare

You came to get me

I’ll follow you there…

This place, I’m scared, into the unknown

you take my hand, I’m no longer alone

My friend, I’ve waited, I wish to be yours

let’s find this place beyond hidden doors

I cry in my joy, it’s so hard to believe

you’ve offered your heart, entrusted to me

The summit we’ll reach, we’ll continue to grow

you came for me, how did you know?

You came, you found me, into my eyes you stare

You came to get me

I’ll follow you there…

You’re here, we stand, the ultimate dare

You reach for me

I’ll follow you there…

Beyond forever

the end of wherever

we’ll find it together

‘cause I’ll follow you there

You’re here, we stand, the ultimate dare

You reach for me

I’ll follow you there…

I don’t know where it is

and I no longer care

as long as it’s with you

I will follow you there.

the difference

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to live how I live

It was time for me to do what I do, but Something in me said it's time to give

I was going to make another excuse; I was going to choose to do what I do

Suddenly something began to make sense

I won’t make an excuse; it’s time to make a difference

I refuse to just sit on the fence, living the life of the independent

I’ll give it all, yet gain inheritance; Live life to the full, extraordinary existence

In His wisdom, missteps of my past were divinely directed to intersect with His Path

What appeared to be an ending, unfair treatment and failure,

brought me courage, compassion, the strength to endure,

it trained me to continue in expectant hope and diligently seek a new future

To this day it doesn't all make sense

But instead of the excuse

I’ll make the difference

I won't stand around and live to complain

No matter the circumstance, in the face of pain

in the darkest of night, seasons without rain

I will yet worship and my praise be intense

Because I refuse to make the excuse, instead I'll make the difference

What can I do? I am only one and this challenged world carried alone weighs a ton

but my Lord told me if I'd only just believe and expect to see Him, that great things I would see

I know He's seeded His vision in my heart and every time I surrender, the shell breaks apart

and what's been planted grows strong with deep root

He's preparing me for the work that He sent me to do

And it’s out of the box, and it might cause a shock or a stir or bring change to this religious game

I’d rather seek comfort, have others love my name

Not be known as weird or obtuse

This is the time that I would do what I do

This is where I’d offer the excuse
I may never be understood or ever make sense

But today, no more excuses I was born to make a difference

a most amazing experience

"God tonight please do something different, something out of the ordinary, break the box, tear down the walls! It's a new year and I want to see you move in ways that would be new to me but that are standard for You. Oh God rest in this place, show up here with us and show us a new facet of Your incredible glory that we might with the angels cry Holy! Holy! Holy! We need You that we may be transformed and go take this world for you. We have so much more to accomplish for the Kingdom and we want to be ready for what You're calling us to in this day. I thank You Lord, Glorious, Mighty One!"

This was my prayer as we worshipped Wednesday (1/4) at church. I wanted a different experience in that moment, more than goosebumps or a good feeling; I wanted to be enveloped in the presence of the Lord in a different way on this first Wednesday night of the new year. We had a most encouraging word from one of the pastors and the worship was great but the time together as a church family was over so quickly. I was trying to keep to myself a bit as I was still on meds for a sinus infection but people do love hugs! As I hugged one of my friends, I realized that I wanted her to pray for me.

We stepped to the side and she began to pray for me powerfully and with authority, I love my sisters! She began to speak not just into my life but life into me as well. This was one of those moments that I wish could have been captured on a recording as she declared so much that was encouraging and edifying. As she was finishing her prayer she retrieved a vial of anointing oil from her purse and I could feel the familiar cross outline being drawn on my forehead as she prayed in the Spirit. Then she paused, took a deep breath and said, "He wants you to know that He is fully invested in you."

In the next moment I realized my prayer for "something different" was being answered. The scent of the oil became very strong and suddenly I felt a slight drip on my neck and another and another as I realized she truly "anointed" me. The oil was running right through the part in my hair and down the sides and onto my neck and collar of my shirt. WOW! This may seem kind of odd to be happy about, but right there the Lord was letting me know that He heard me. He was answering in a way that said He was preparing me for the newness outside the box He was breaking in that moment. He is such an incredible Father! So loving and kind.

This was  a demonstration of a way He normally operates but for me it was different. I can't say that I have ever had a vial of anointing oil poured on me with the purpose of preparation for Him. Honestly a few years back someone doing something like that to my hair may have been hurt in the process, just saying. (haha) I share special moment because I know this year a lot will shift. I know many have expectation of seeing Him in ways we have only dreamed of. This was Him letting me know that He really is right here with me and I hope you know that He is right there with you too, molding and preparing you. He is teaching us to love that we may be conformed to the likeness of His Awesome Son!

little miss know it (not at) all

Would life really be better if I truly knew it all? Probably not. After all the more I know the more I'm accountable to and the more burdens weigh on me. Why am I thinking about this? Many days I'm ready to beat myself up pretty bad for not knowing how to best fix a situation at work or because I said something that could have been said better. When I review my response to these situations, it is often a round of the blahs after asking the question "Why didn't I know that? (do that?)"

The answer, because I did not know. And I keep having to come to grips with that over and over again. There is a lot I don't know about my job, interactions with people and relationships, leadership, okay life overall. Unfortunately this can trigger fear because if I don't know something or don't feel comfortable talking about things then there are times I will not try or give up before I get started. How boring is that existence where you're not willing to take risks? I am a huge fan of trying new things... well kind of, there's a catch. I will try things once I have weighed them in the "will I end up making a complete fool of myself?" balance. If I cannot answer that with a definitive "no" then I go into "no try" mode. Lame. (of course this is barring the fact that I actually want to look like a fool for a moment because there are times.)

I am not fond of this way of thinking because it becomes self destructive quickly. So today, I am taking a moment to remind myself that it is okay to not have all the answers and to be a bit clueless at times. After all one of may favorite adventures in life is learning and not knowing gives me the opportunity to learn and grow. You know it may just be that no one else actually expects me to know everything that I think I should. I may just be able to forgive myself and move on for actually being human. I am not God, it is not up to me to know it all, just to come to know Him. I think I like that.