fighting the fear of failure, part 3 - my decision

This journey to overcome fear of failure has been interesting and I know it’s not over but I know I turned a corner.

I want to share a realization that is serving as a mental sentinel to check, correct and keep out procrastination and analysis paralysis. I believe we learn greatly from others’ experiences but there is a greater resolve, conviction and strength birthed within after we battle to learn in our personal challenges.

The realization is this: It's okay to give my best all the time, no matter how I feel about the situation or if my best is not good enough.

I often get stuck in the thinking space, “What if I give my best and my best is not good enough? What if I fail?” This thought kept me from giving my all. Rather than disappoint with my best I gave a close effort but it was not the best, so if it fell short the reaction of others would not hurt as much.

I know it’s a silly, immature thought pattern but time after time I performed based on this. And the truth is it did still hurt because I knew it was not my best, I did not want to be rejected and I did not want to be perceived as a failure or not good enough.

But the decision I made is this: I will give my best. If it misses the mark, hopefully I will be corrected so that I can become better reaching a new best. And the part that gave me the most hope is if I give my best and it proves to be my best then I can still receive correction so that I can become better reaching a new best.

Either way I become better, ever changing and growing. I have known for years this is how character change happens but for some reason it had not translated over to the tasks I do as well. When I saw this I was encouraged to realize it is okay for me to not know everything or be perfect.

Failure is not the end of the world although I have been conditioned to believe it is. I have the opportunity to learn and grow, to become more and to help others by what I learn in the process. My decision is to keep going and not give the fear of failure any more of my time effort and ability.

fighting the fear of failure, part 2 - get over it

"Mistakes should perfect your craft not paralyze your effort." Keionna Henderson 

Guilty as charged. 

I saw this quote and have not been able to forget it. I often write about my issues and how I really want to be a writer and all kinds of other nonsense. Yes I said it, nonsense. I am writing. I may not be paid for it yet, but that does not change the fact that I am a writer. 

I often do not make the significant efforts needed to pursue my passion because I fear the start. I become paralyzed by the fear of failing, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not measuring up to the imaginary line of success, the fear of being incompetent and going through the pain of another lost job in a field I truly enjoy. So why bother to try if I’m just going to fall flat again? Is this really any way to live? 

Of course it’s not! So how do I move on from this place of fearful inactivity? During my absence from the “blogosphere” I returned to school to complete my degree. In January I became a journalism and public relations student. I am doing something about this desire and I am staring fear in the face everyday determined more than ever to move forward toward my goals. I do not just want to graduate and return to work, I would like to have my own business and provide the service that only I can. 

Returning to school has been both a challenge and exciting. It is an adjustment but one that has been well worth it. I am working hard would even say I’m having fun. Yesterday, I received a letter in the mail informing me that I made the Dean’s list for the Spring semester! I was very pleased with this and this gave me just the boost of encouragement that I need as I move forward in this journey. 

I will not foolishly state that I will never be afraid again, but I can confidently say that I refuse to be paralyzed. I’ve started and I will keep going on this journey knowing both my character and my craft are being perfected.

beautiful breakthrough

There shrouded in darkness and heaviness of soul
The weight of life having taken its toll
Chained by an interminable bound
Longing for different
Where is my help found?

Crushed and oppressed by the cares unceasing
Lies abound and stress increasing
Intense bouts of fear and sleeplessness
Tears falling softly
The pain of distress

How can this be?
It does not make sense, I want to give up,
I want to forget, I want to run, I want to hide,
I want , I want,  I want…
But I won’t

Because somewhere I’ve seen or possibly read
Of an abundance of life, not cowering dread
I’ve seen His love rise up to greet me
This destructive spirit cannot defeat me

For He spoke His Truth, His powerful Word
I will stand against with It as my sword
My faith is my shield as His grace empowers
My enemy is the one who will cower
For I will stand tall as His precious one
Honored in His sight, never alone
And in this new season He’s done a new thing
Restored and delivered, brought me refreshing

How can I stay where I do not belong?
I have an inheritance and a new song
So no longer will I sit in darkness defeated
I will set my heart on Heaven where I am completed
My lips will ever send up a word of praise
And I will see true life and joy all of my days!

© 2011 Aisha Nichole Willis

love the foreign language: part 2, the conversation

This is the conversation that brought up this idea in the first place.
To help you visualize, note: I am highly expressive, I talk with my hands and I often answer a question with a question to ensure I understand and sometimes my answers involve a long story that can make you wonder how it all ties in. Enjoy!
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Person: Aisha do you ever think you'll fall in love?
 Me: Maybe.
 Person: Is that all? Maybe?
 Me: What?
 Person: That’s an odd answer. You seem so indifferent to it. You know it's not all bad and I think... {my hand in the air signaling Stop}
 Me: Before you finish your spiel, you forgot to ask a question. {puzzled look from person} You didn't ask if I've ever been in love.
 Person: Well have you?
 Me: What do you think?
 Person: You don't act like you ever have. You’re like a kid who doesn’t even get the concept.
 Me: Really?
 Person: Yes really. {stone face}
 Me: OK. {deep sigh} What if I told you that once a long time ago I fell in love with a wonderful gentleman whom I wanted to marry? {the look of hope} What if I told you that after that our relationship ended suddenly and painfully I realized love was not a game to be played? After I experienced the purity and tenderness of such a love I knew that kind of thing doesn't need to be shared with everyone on the block until I end up with the “right one” that fits. After all I am not a puzzle piece.
 Person: Interesting. So you were just hurt really bad and you don't want to experience that again? You know part of life is being hurt… {Stop signal}
 Me: Seriously I think you missed the point. Did it hurt? YES, obviously! Especially considering it was my fault. However, the thing I'm talking about is a peace that I have that at the proper time I will be "found".
 Person: Ok, whatever. Could you just answer the question?
 Me: Which one?
 Person: Seriously?! Do you think you will ever fall in love, again? No wait, even better, do you want to fall in love again?
 Me: Most likely.
 Person: {question marks of frustration in the eyes} Ugh! What kind of answer is that?
 Me: It's my kind of answer. Why does it bother you?
 Person: Because I want you to be happy and I want to help you be happy and I think you’re hiding… {yet another Stop sign}
 Me: Ok look, the way I see it love is like learning a foreign language. {person stumped, look of frustration}
 Person: Do you always have to be so—?
 Me: Yes {big smile} Would you like me to explain?
 Person: {Head on table} I’m too tired.
 Me: {Arms in the air in a "V"} I win!

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Yes, I know you're looking for my rationale on this foreign language/love thing and it's coming but for now, you know either laughed or felt sorry for the other participant in this conversation :)