The times and seasons are a-changing. The atmosphere is charged with an electricity that is coming from battles in the heavenlies and it is spilling over into our lives here. We may not be able to physically lay eyes on the clashes happening but you most likely can feel them. This is a time to be prayerful and seeking the Lord's direction like no other. Yes the calendar will flip over to a new year shortly and I believe that is driving some of this but on a more personal note, your destiny is being fought over and it is up to you to decide to receive and carry out the plans of the Heavenly Father for your life.
We are all here on assignment. Some of us are intimately acquainted with that assignment and are already walking it out. Some of us are walking, faithfully serving in the area we currently have stewardship over. Both places are good. But now as we enter into this key moment of transition it's time to make a decision. What's next? If you're like me you may have a general idea but you may not be sure of the next step, but you are willing to take it. In this place it is so easy for spirits like confusion, doubt and fear to rise up. Just because they decide to show up does not mean that we have to invite them in and entertain them.
It is a basic principle. In order for someone to join you in your home you have to agree to let them in. You can invite someone in because you want to spend time with them. Someone decides they want to spend time with you and they ask to come in and you can agree to let them join you. In either situation you have a choice to agree with the one trying to enter your home. If your best friend wants to come spend time with you, there is a good chance they are readily invited in. However, that one friend or relative who always loves to cause a scene in your home may not be someone you invite back in. Even if they show up unexpectedly, though they are familiar, it may not be the best thing for you to agree to invite them in to relive the same nightmare.
As I sit here contemplating everything I have before me and what I want to see in the coming year I will openly tell you the spirit of fear has been trying to paralyze me today. I have stood at the door all day debating whether or not to let him into my house (my heart) yet again. I have cried and felt uncomfortable most of the day. As I lay before the Lord in prayer a little while ago I asked myself a key question; Why?
Why am I sitting here feeling worthless and like a failure? Because I let a lying spirit come in while I was standing at the door debating whether or not to let fear in. DUH! Sounds dumb right? But while I was distracted talking to one familiar spirit a myriad of others were able to ease on in, bringing with them confusion and the paralysis of fear already had me!
So what should I be doing instead? Well first off, I did pray. I believe going into a quiet moment alone with the Lord is so key. Even though at the time I felt distant and like nothing was happening, I knew that was the safest place to be, in His Presence. That is where revelation and illumination take place. Secondly, my words are ineffective in dealing with spirits unless they are powered by His Word. Because I can talk all day long but when I talk like Him, it is then and only then that things change. Today I specifically went to Psalm 91 for He is my Refuge and Sheild, my safe place and protection. When I am feeling beat up by lies, deception and bullied by fear, the only way to face them is from a safe place of truth. I not only read it, I declared it boldly - out loud in a serious voice. I needed to hear myself say it and so did the enemy coming against me, because this very Word of God is my Mighty and Uncommon Weapon! Next, I literally let those intruders know where they needed to go and it was not here. I commanded them to leave by the Power of the Name of Jesus and renounced any association with them. I then declared who I am. I am the beloved daughter of the Most High King. I am in relationship with God Almighty fully received and loved by Him. Finally, to really fight, I'm telling you about it :)
Now I have gone into my Safe Place, surrendered myself and confessed my current situation. In that place, as always His faithfulness met me. He revealed to me that I had invited in unwelcome guests and that I needed to command them to leave. Now I am ready to move forward beyond distraction to tackle the project from work that is making me weak-kneed and not in the good sense. And then personally to work on my goals, action plan and vision board for 2012 because there is a real Guest I want to invite in, The Holy Spirit. He has with Him an invitation to my date with destiny that will allow me to expand the King's dominion in my area of rule. This is so exciting!
I pray in this season that you will have intimate time with Him like never before and that He would speak to you through dreams and visions and that you would receive your invitation to the next phase of your destiny. May the rest of this year see your life blessed with victory!
14 December 2011
12 December 2011
the threat
I have a confession to make: I want to be a great wife and incredible mother. This may seem simple and you may think don't all women want that? In reality, the answer is no. Some women want a career or to spend their lives pursuing a passion other than family. For a while, especially early in my life, that was what I wanted. I desired to graduate college with at least 2 or 3 degrees and then work. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and be the very definition of success. There was not going to be any excuses for me. None of this sob story of a black woman raised in a single parent home tale of woe for me. I wanted to do well and be able to take care of my family and care for those who had cared for me.
In that upbringing I did not have some ideal relationship of marriage to want to get into so it was not a BIG thing for me. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of relationship. Romance has always been a weakness. And if you've spent any time with me, you know how affectionate I am. So it's not that relationships were not on my radar, they just were not the main focus. Having dedicated my life to the Lord at 16, some ideas had to change and that was in all honesty the first time I considered marriage and also the first time I began to consider children. "Began to consider" because in all honesty the thought of reproducing anything similar to "this fabulousness that is me" SCARES the daylight out of me.
But here I stand 34 years old, single, no suitors on the horizon having never been married and absolutely committed to the call God has on my life. It's not the patience of waiting for a husband that has brought about this feeling of having my confessed dream threatened. After all, My God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob which means He is also the God of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah. All of whom, except Leah who had her own issues, were either challenged with conception or had a difficult pregnancy recorded. Sarah was not only old, the Bible specifically says that "the way of women had left Sarah" Genesis 18:11. At 90 years old she was way past the "sell by", child bearing date. Yet she bore the promised son Isaac whose name means laughter, a reaction of joy. He was a promise not only to Abraham but to Sarah herself from the Lord. And she raised him and saw him grow into a man. She believed for, conceived carried, birthed and grew her dream. So no that's not where the test is coming in, although I must say I know this is the same story that gives me faith to face the threat.
For the past few months, during that "time of the month" (sorry guys, it's a girl thing) I have been so incapacitated by the pain I have experienced that I have missed at least one if not two days each month since September. This month was no exception. However this month was the first time that I realized what this could be. In my history it has not been uncommon to have painful cycles, on the contrary when my sister and I were first having them, we had prescription pain killers. I was probably 28 or 29 before I had a "regular cycle." My sister who is five years my senior has endometriosis. It was so bad that she was not able to get pregnant for many years of her marriage. Now she and her husband have three precious angels but that was after surgery and treatments that I don't want to think about. But, of course, I'm thinking about it. My sister married at 25 and they had their first baby when she was 33. Again, I'm 34 and I would rather not have a baby right away when I do marry. So as I sit here, still considering the uncomfortable pressure I feel right now in my midsection I understand that my dream, that I don't even like to think about is threatened.
I'm still young, especially when you consider Sarah, but that really does not have anything to do with it. This threat that is wanting to creep in so badly is none other than fear. As a book I recently read states, "You have to believe in order to conceive. The two are not separate, they go together." This is yet another distraction sent by the enemy in the familiar wrapping of the fear of failure. If this is as bad as what my sister had, what will I do? After all she was at least married already when she found out. She also was in a better place financially than I am currently. What am I going to do? These are the thoughts competing for my attention.
I'm a woman and not only that, at it's root one of the meanings of my name is companion and as mentioned in a previous post "isha" is the Hebrew word for not only woman but all things feminine. At my core, I was designed for this, yet with the possible threat to my reproductive system this thought that I will not be able to walk out my dream or meet the fulfillment of my name is lurking in the shadows. I am going to the doctor this week and ask for your prayers of agreement for a good report.
The thing that really bothers me, is that this is obviously so much more than a physical attack. I am in a season of revelation. God is revealing to me more of Who He is as well as showing me who I am in Him; the woman He created me to be. I have fought the idea of leadership and consistently found ways to busy myself with "good" stuff that may not always be the "God" thing that I should be doing. But this year I took my stand on Him and said I would trust Him and step out into a leadership role. In August I attended a leadership training class and began to meet with mentors to develop a plan for the group, within my church, that I would like to begin. The next month, this challenge began. Now that could be a complete coincidence but...
In any case, yesterday in looking at all this I decided that if the enemy wanted to fight dirty, then I would fight fire with faith! For the first time last night, I made myself write out my vision for the Lifeteam that I will lead. I wrote down and read aloud the foundational scriptures and why they are important. I decided that no matter what it looks like, no matter what I don't know, no matter what I can't see, no matter what I am unable to change, the enemy will no longer have the authority to use fear to keep me from reproducing whether in the Spirit or at just the right time, physically. I also sat here for a moment tonight and thought should I write this and as you clearly see, I opted for sharing my testimony. I expect that God will reveal Himself as healer in this situation no matter what it is exactly. There are a myriad of things that this physical challenge could be and there is opportunity for fear to rise up and try to take me down. But I have a promise from God myself, one that He made to me. I have not seen that promise fulfilled yet so no matter the challenge I am facing I know that my name is still victory and in due season we will all see His vision birthed through me!
In that upbringing I did not have some ideal relationship of marriage to want to get into so it was not a BIG thing for me. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the idea of relationship. Romance has always been a weakness. And if you've spent any time with me, you know how affectionate I am. So it's not that relationships were not on my radar, they just were not the main focus. Having dedicated my life to the Lord at 16, some ideas had to change and that was in all honesty the first time I considered marriage and also the first time I began to consider children. "Began to consider" because in all honesty the thought of reproducing anything similar to "this fabulousness that is me" SCARES the daylight out of me.
But here I stand 34 years old, single, no suitors on the horizon having never been married and absolutely committed to the call God has on my life. It's not the patience of waiting for a husband that has brought about this feeling of having my confessed dream threatened. After all, My God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob which means He is also the God of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah. All of whom, except Leah who had her own issues, were either challenged with conception or had a difficult pregnancy recorded. Sarah was not only old, the Bible specifically says that "the way of women had left Sarah" Genesis 18:11. At 90 years old she was way past the "sell by", child bearing date. Yet she bore the promised son Isaac whose name means laughter, a reaction of joy. He was a promise not only to Abraham but to Sarah herself from the Lord. And she raised him and saw him grow into a man. She believed for, conceived carried, birthed and grew her dream. So no that's not where the test is coming in, although I must say I know this is the same story that gives me faith to face the threat.
For the past few months, during that "time of the month" (sorry guys, it's a girl thing) I have been so incapacitated by the pain I have experienced that I have missed at least one if not two days each month since September. This month was no exception. However this month was the first time that I realized what this could be. In my history it has not been uncommon to have painful cycles, on the contrary when my sister and I were first having them, we had prescription pain killers. I was probably 28 or 29 before I had a "regular cycle." My sister who is five years my senior has endometriosis. It was so bad that she was not able to get pregnant for many years of her marriage. Now she and her husband have three precious angels but that was after surgery and treatments that I don't want to think about. But, of course, I'm thinking about it. My sister married at 25 and they had their first baby when she was 33. Again, I'm 34 and I would rather not have a baby right away when I do marry. So as I sit here, still considering the uncomfortable pressure I feel right now in my midsection I understand that my dream, that I don't even like to think about is threatened.
I'm still young, especially when you consider Sarah, but that really does not have anything to do with it. This threat that is wanting to creep in so badly is none other than fear. As a book I recently read states, "You have to believe in order to conceive. The two are not separate, they go together." This is yet another distraction sent by the enemy in the familiar wrapping of the fear of failure. If this is as bad as what my sister had, what will I do? After all she was at least married already when she found out. She also was in a better place financially than I am currently. What am I going to do? These are the thoughts competing for my attention.
I'm a woman and not only that, at it's root one of the meanings of my name is companion and as mentioned in a previous post "isha" is the Hebrew word for not only woman but all things feminine. At my core, I was designed for this, yet with the possible threat to my reproductive system this thought that I will not be able to walk out my dream or meet the fulfillment of my name is lurking in the shadows. I am going to the doctor this week and ask for your prayers of agreement for a good report.
The thing that really bothers me, is that this is obviously so much more than a physical attack. I am in a season of revelation. God is revealing to me more of Who He is as well as showing me who I am in Him; the woman He created me to be. I have fought the idea of leadership and consistently found ways to busy myself with "good" stuff that may not always be the "God" thing that I should be doing. But this year I took my stand on Him and said I would trust Him and step out into a leadership role. In August I attended a leadership training class and began to meet with mentors to develop a plan for the group, within my church, that I would like to begin. The next month, this challenge began. Now that could be a complete coincidence but...
In any case, yesterday in looking at all this I decided that if the enemy wanted to fight dirty, then I would fight fire with faith! For the first time last night, I made myself write out my vision for the Lifeteam that I will lead. I wrote down and read aloud the foundational scriptures and why they are important. I decided that no matter what it looks like, no matter what I don't know, no matter what I can't see, no matter what I am unable to change, the enemy will no longer have the authority to use fear to keep me from reproducing whether in the Spirit or at just the right time, physically. I also sat here for a moment tonight and thought should I write this and as you clearly see, I opted for sharing my testimony. I expect that God will reveal Himself as healer in this situation no matter what it is exactly. There are a myriad of things that this physical challenge could be and there is opportunity for fear to rise up and try to take me down. But I have a promise from God myself, one that He made to me. I have not seen that promise fulfilled yet so no matter the challenge I am facing I know that my name is still victory and in due season we will all see His vision birthed through me!
20 November 2011
back
My heart
longs to cry out in memory of you
To be
warmed by your fire
The
remembrance of the light you brought to life in me
yet you
are so far and distant, removed, in a haze
But in
that distant place you too long to be reconnected to me
for only
with me can you be fulfilled
No other
has what is inside me
If
another were to attempt to take my place the product would be a forgery,
a cheap
imitation, a false representation of what should be
Because I
am for you solely as much as you are for me only
I will
now seek to find you that I may fulfill the purpose for which I was sent
Will you
come back to me though I sent you away?
Can we be
reconciled for the greater mission?
Oh how I
have missed you my dearest friend
won’t you
come back to me my dream again?
written: 12/17/2010
14 November 2011
change challenge
Sometimes things have to change. You may want to continue on the same course but you know to get a new perspective you have to climb up to a higher place. From a higher place you can see more of what's before you.
Some change around you may come outside of what you can control and some change may be by your initiation but when you know it has come upon you, make the change. Dawdling is not attractive, people do not make it their life ambition to be friends with someone who cannot commit, someone who will not take a risk and try something different.
Somehow you have to find the courage, the strength of character to move forward. Decide to believe what you speak if you are a "faith-talker" and step out in faith. Walk out the course laid before and trust that the new challenge or change before you is the way that was prepared for you long ago.
Today, I'm tired of talking and I want to see and live in the season of change that has been prepared for me. It's not going to change until I decide to do something about it. I will make the changes and accept the new challenges before me. This time is so special and I do not want to miss it because of a fear.
I am taking back my dream.
Some change around you may come outside of what you can control and some change may be by your initiation but when you know it has come upon you, make the change. Dawdling is not attractive, people do not make it their life ambition to be friends with someone who cannot commit, someone who will not take a risk and try something different.
Somehow you have to find the courage, the strength of character to move forward. Decide to believe what you speak if you are a "faith-talker" and step out in faith. Walk out the course laid before and trust that the new challenge or change before you is the way that was prepared for you long ago.
Today, I'm tired of talking and I want to see and live in the season of change that has been prepared for me. It's not going to change until I decide to do something about it. I will make the changes and accept the new challenges before me. This time is so special and I do not want to miss it because of a fear.
I am taking back my dream.
09 November 2011
more
I want more, this simple, superficial surface-style, pop-up, drive-thru relationship simply won't do
I need more than a gospel of health and wealth, blab it and grab it, instant gratification and keep talking to soothe my itching ears "ministry"
No
I want to know why the apostles and so many other beloved, unnamed yet known and deeply loved early brothers and sisters were joyful in the face of confiscated property and were willing to be made into a human fiery torch or be sawed in two or in some way lay down their life, which by the way they obviously no longer considered their own, and do so with dignity, grateful for the opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ and to be counted worthy to suffer in a manner similar to His. How could they do all this and I get nervous to even say Jesus at times because I fear what people may say. They knew Him and loved Him and lived only to please Him. Everything else was secondary.
Where is my heart like this? More, there is so much more that I still want to know about His love, His peace, His grace, His justice, His power, His healing, His divine government, his order. I want to know Him in the sense that any wife wants to know her husband as a lover, not withholding anything, giving Him all of me in a hope of a greater revelation of Him. I know everyone may not understand this burning desire but that is okay. I want more of Him and to be satisfied with that.
Constantly looking for the next quick fix in the bottom of a box like baking mix is not the way I want to live this life. Substance, weight - I want what I do to count for something, not just be the next big thing for 15 minutes of fame. In all honesty I'd rather you don't know my name but that you would know by the power of a changed life that my Father showed up on the scene any time I was there. Can I point you to the one who showed me how to live life not ruled by my desires, my needs and what I thought was so important? Can I show you the beauty of having a Father in the life of a girl who grew up without a dad? Can I introduce you my obsession?
More
I want more of Him to shine through me. I want to love Him more. I want to look more like Him. More, never satisfied because someone thinks I've arrived. Less of me and my preoccupation with what you think about me but fully brimming over with what concerns Him. More emptying of self so that He can be my fulfillment, the joy of my desire.
My God the desperate plea sung by my heart is for more of You.
I need more than a gospel of health and wealth, blab it and grab it, instant gratification and keep talking to soothe my itching ears "ministry"
No
I want to know why the apostles and so many other beloved, unnamed yet known and deeply loved early brothers and sisters were joyful in the face of confiscated property and were willing to be made into a human fiery torch or be sawed in two or in some way lay down their life, which by the way they obviously no longer considered their own, and do so with dignity, grateful for the opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ and to be counted worthy to suffer in a manner similar to His. How could they do all this and I get nervous to even say Jesus at times because I fear what people may say. They knew Him and loved Him and lived only to please Him. Everything else was secondary.
Where is my heart like this? More, there is so much more that I still want to know about His love, His peace, His grace, His justice, His power, His healing, His divine government, his order. I want to know Him in the sense that any wife wants to know her husband as a lover, not withholding anything, giving Him all of me in a hope of a greater revelation of Him. I know everyone may not understand this burning desire but that is okay. I want more of Him and to be satisfied with that.
Constantly looking for the next quick fix in the bottom of a box like baking mix is not the way I want to live this life. Substance, weight - I want what I do to count for something, not just be the next big thing for 15 minutes of fame. In all honesty I'd rather you don't know my name but that you would know by the power of a changed life that my Father showed up on the scene any time I was there. Can I point you to the one who showed me how to live life not ruled by my desires, my needs and what I thought was so important? Can I show you the beauty of having a Father in the life of a girl who grew up without a dad? Can I introduce you my obsession?
More
I want more of Him to shine through me. I want to love Him more. I want to look more like Him. More, never satisfied because someone thinks I've arrived. Less of me and my preoccupation with what you think about me but fully brimming over with what concerns Him. More emptying of self so that He can be my fulfillment, the joy of my desire.
My God the desperate plea sung by my heart is for more of You.
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