thinking out loud

Although I'm not likely to start a novel anytime soon, I would like to write and publish at least one in my lifetime. It's definitely a dream.

I'm in love with good story-telling and want to produce worthwhile stories. I take it pretty seriously.

I am writing down every single, stinking idea I have because I don't know which one will lead to the corridor that takes me into a great hall of story goodness. After all you never know what will catch on.

What do I mean? Put simply:

If freaking Twilight can be a thing, like seriously a massive thing that's a burgeoning genre THING, then surely I can write something that people will connect with.

And let's not forget the disgustingly famous fan-fiction-turned-best-seller that spawned from Twilight, the Fifty Shades thing.

Really? Both.
Best-sellers. Movies. (how does one make a 50 Shades movie that isn't considered pornography?)
Award-winning authors?

Eh.

I've decided, if that could happen, then surely I can do this!

And I God help me, I can do it better.

#gratitudegame

It's the game that when played correctly, everybody wins.

I would like to know, within myself, that I'm living a winning existence. To facilitate a mode of winning, I made the decision to be grateful. I am learning this is the best way to enjoy life. Two hours ago I started crying and tears have been slipping from my eyes here and there since. It's not that I am sad, well maybe just a little but I am mostly grateful. That gratitude is expressing itself in happiness and tears.

Now for a bit of a confession- in reality I am doing my best to fight an overwhelming anxiety that has been building up for a while. It's the paralyzing anxiety that can keep me from moving forward. There are too many good things happening (more on that soon) for me to stop now.

I began to pray to alleviate the fear and as I was praying I moved into a place of thanking God. I felt something stirring within me and instead of being afraid I began to sense this joy.

I simply said, "Thank You for loving me when I am fearful and forgetful."

In that moment, it was as if I felt Him place His arms around me and the emotional dam that was holding back too many things met its end. His presence comforted me and reminded me that He has prepared me for this moment. The promise that says I can do all things in Him is true and I can move forward with gratitude and accomplish the tasks before me.

Yes I'd forgotten about His strength and had yet again become overwhelmed with fear but He didn't give up on me and leave me. When He opened my eyes to see, He was still with me. The tears passed over my smiling lips as I accepted that He really does love me. In my weakness He is not displeased with me, He loves me. Why wouldn't I be grateful?

I chose to write about this to remember the importance of gratitude. If I will keep myself focused on living in a state of gratitude I think I can accomplish more. Too often I am tripped up by my mistakes and attempts at perfection. If I focus on what is ahead of me and remember what I've done well with gratitude and reevaluate where I've missed it, and ask for help to move forward differently, I can win at what I'm doing in life.

I hope you will join me celebrating what you are grateful for and win as you move forward too.