overwhelmed

I really wanted to journal about how upset with myself I am about life and the incessant series of mistakes that I seem to be perpetually making, but I'm not going to do that. Instead I want to wax on about how awesome God is in my life. You see, I am gathering some of my old thoughts and poems and prophetic words into a compilation and in reviewing them a pattern is evident. I have been walking through and pushing out of darkness. Sure I've been saved for years, but this process of sanctification is continual and every area of my life must be perfected. The fruit of that is only visible as I walk through life's many circumstances. It is my response to them that shows that I am truly growing in the Lord, actually belief - thoroughly living out what I profess about the Lord.

In reviewing the material, I see the Lord's hand all over my life. He has drawn out a great plan and though I have walked outside the lines more than once, He in His mercy keeps drawing a bridge back onto His path for me. He loves me so completely and is so committed to the the plan that He set in place for my life that He will re-work life for me to get back to the right track. Only God. Even the people we keep the closest and love the most have a hard time with this, but God because of the cross and Jesus satisfying the justice of God will forgive and maneuver life for my good, no matter the situation. WOW!

As I said, I thought I was going to write this about how overwhelming the pressures of life feel at this time but now I am overwhelmed by Him, His love, His peace. He has been revealing to me that peace, in matters of the spirit, is a weapon. I can actually cut through an atmosphere and bring peace when I remembered that I am empowered with His peace. He graces me to face even the toughest times with peace. It is also like a shield repelling the fiercest attacks sent to me. Because I have this peace I can face every fear that assails me and stand completely victorious. Despite what my feelings and my tell me choosing to activate this peace I am ready to face every challenge before me with confidence. And it's not like I have to do anything special, I only have to remember that He gave me His peace when I surrendered to Him and choose to walk in that. What incredible power He has given!

John 14:27 AMP
Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]

This is His prescription for how to face the seemingly overwhelming challenges I am facing in my day-to-day life right now. I believe I can follow in this. I choose His peace over the "comfortable" places of worry, fear and doubt. I look forward to writing about the victory this decision brings to these situations soon. Shalom.

prayer poetic: learning hope

Staring down the barrel of a faithless generation, 

seemingly this deadly bully's next prey

Feeling so alone and heavily burdened, 
as though I had thrown my personal forgiveness away

The intensity of this pain unexplained, 
lost in the hollow, dark shadows of my heart

Somehow destined for more than I know, 
a willing servant with no idea where to start

Walking under the brass sky of failure, 
leaving what I thought I knew

Believing I once had a dream to serve others and now, 
not knowing what to do

Internally torn apart, the weight of a heart completely made of stone, 
for my own faithlessness, tell me how do I atone?

The fear of failure ever gripping, slender fingers on my dream, 
the divine vision hidden in my heart that blinded I cannot see

Worn thin by the circumstances of life, the place of rest unfound, 
able to see the wound of depression in the darkest of chains bound

Scars from the rejection injection not knowing who I am, 
lost under this brass sky of failure, I no longer think I can

Longing for a new day and wondering if hope is gone, 
remembering the sound of joy but off-key is my heart's song,

The damnation of cold stagnation, no life, movement gone; 
How can I get out of this and where did I go wrong?

O Lord I need your life, your breath, your fruit unto me bring

Lest I walk in coldest bitterness in varying degrees

I don't want to forget your mercy and love found faithfully true

My fortitude debilitated I simply don't know what to do.

I call out to you in desperation, fervent prayers in anticipation

O Lord I need your strength, direction; teach me to receive love

I want to know You intimately, in a new way I know not of

Take me into your shadow and free my heart these chains

Teach me to walk under open heavens, giving off Your glory's rays

Bound to you alone, finding joy and peace, teach me to worship You and to fight upon my knees

Take me on this journey with You, holding my frail hand

Breathe Your precious breath into me that I may love again

Make straight the path before me that I may walk on safest ground

no matter what the storm I'm facing, in You I won't be knocked down

Hide me in the shadow of your wings, reveal to me ancient secret things

The stories of Your heart and love and why You made us so

Teach me how to fear You, that in You I may grow

Willingly I ran from You, thinking I knew it all

That You too would not receive me, that between us was a wall

Yet what You've done upon that cross was not trivial or small

Your rising from stone sleeping chambers brought to my life a call

Fan into my spirit a passion ever new, thank You Lord for victory, desires that come from You

I've labored long in this dark place, experienced the low of shame

But now Your Love breaks through to touch me, I cannot remain the same

Though frightened by the work unknown, I know it must be true

There is a dream established for me, what You've given me to do

I lift up my eyes to see You and You wipe my tears away

You speak to me so gently in Your perfect Fatherly way

I have no more excuses and now I have this chance

You fold me in Your faithful arms and now begins the dance

This journey is one of greatness and fitness for the test

But You are here to guide me and lead me to Your very best

The nations have not seen nor any peoples heard

What will shift and be reborn because You've given me Your Word.

little red riding: behind the hood

So just so I'm clear, following the distorted logic of the society in which we live:

Little Red Riding Hood was a "thug" since she was wearing a hood"ie" and thus should have been eaten by the wolf. And apparently she was a supremely bad girl who deserved to die a painful, terrible death, because she should have been in the schoolhouse. Perhaps she had been asked to leave school for speaking her mind in class, but we don't know, it's just speculation. But let's say she did do something terrible, I guess since she's in the "hood" crowd she definitely needs to be eaten by the wolf. I mean after all she wasn't following specific direction given by her mama, rebellious youth, so once again, CHOMP!

Good job Mister Wolf keeping the forest safe from the likes of Little Red. Heaven forbid she be allowed to roam free where she could influence someone else since she obviously is so bad. And if we can mount a case that shows just how treacherous Little Red actually was, we can exalt the true hero here, Mr. Wolf. I mean let's forget there is a mother at home who has to get by without her child, let's forget that she was an actual person and drag her filthy, foul name through the mud. She deserved it, "hood-wearer!"

---

All I can really say is that my heart hurts for the family and friends of anyone who would have to not only endure the loss, but the criticism of "so-called" Christian brothers and sisters with media presence who would allow rampant foolish talk to be promoted right under their noses.

God bless America, please.

two-oh-one

It only took 10 months for me to reach 100 posts when I began my online journal, but here it is 5-3/4 years after that mile marker and I am just now reaching 200. I decided to create this page because a friend at the time "encouraged" me to grow in my writing by making it public. It took some time for me to become comfortable with the idea of having this out here but in July 2005 the Lost Butterfly Angel took flight and wrote about everything. It's been interesting and fun. I thought this would be a fun outing but life and thus this blog has had detours, on- and off-ramps and lanes closures that took me for a ride.

As I look over it all, I am grateful. I can see the hand of God moving so powerfully even though at times I thought He didn't care about me or had given up on me. But of course He was faithful in the face of my faithlessness. How else could I go from a Lost Butterfly existence to a Victorious Life? I will write in more detail about this soon. Tonight I'm just happy because I have this as my travelogue. This marks the 201st stop on the journey and I am looking forward to the road ahead.

my "political" rant

Ok so just to be clear the dictionary did not change it's definition of conservative to "small minded jerks with big mouths that think every one should agree with or care about their opinions." In my quest to see the state of things change, I don't remember signing a waiver that superseded my commitment as a follower of Christ that allowed me to be unloving, disrespectful or behave in a manner that would dishonor any leader whether a parent to a boss to civil authority. I don't always agree with what's happening and I do have my own opinions, and I do agree and know that it takes a "vocal" people to affect change.

Having said that though, going berserk and making it my mission to sling enough mud to "enlighten" some "poor misdirected liberal's" mind is not really the answer is it? I don't think so. What kind of a mixed message are you sending with your "Jesus fish" emblem next to your "Kill all {opposing political party}!" bumper sticker? I am not impressed with your "fact" finding ability, gloom and doom reports OR your witty rhetoric. I am saddened by your blindness.

My Bible says to:

• Honor and submit to those in authority (Romans 13:1-8, 1 Peter 2:13-17)
• Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:43-48)

These scriptures were written by people who were being killed in droves by a sick despot who took pleasure in finding new ways to torture people. You know what? They did not have the option of shouting negative divisiveness disguised as “conservatism” and dare I say Christianity. I know that the First Amendment gives us the freedom to express our opinion but with freedom (the power and right to do something) also comes a responsibility to use it wisely. (1 Peter 2:16)

I’m sure just by turning on the news any given day you could see what motivated me to write this. I’m not saying bow down and don’t have an opinion either. I am a fighter who has been called as a disciple of Jesus to change culture. But I believe that it can be done in a way that follows the statutes laid out for us in the Word. I look at the current and previous 2 presidential administrations and think when did we lose our ability to honor? When did our faith begin to say God is only in control if my guy or gal is voted into office? When did it become okay for us to tear down and destroy our own brothers and sisters in the faith because they have a differing political opinion from us?

I am not blind to the fact that there are some heinous tactics being pulled to pass laws that allow us to kill babies and get away with stealing and in many ways hurt others and take resources from future generations. However, I don’t believe that in fighting for a difference we get to neglect part of the greatest commandment of all which is Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus tells us that by this will all men know that we are His disciples by our love for one another. 1 John also tells us that if we say we love God whom we cannot see but don’t love our brother whom we can see then we are liars. (1 John 4:20 and 1 John 2:9-11; 3:14-16)

Going halfway around the world and questioning the intelligence of the president is just as bad as screaming out in a session of congress that the president is a liar. Posting the latest hate about a current or former person in office is not necessarily the best thing either (just yesterday I read on a thread posted by a "Christian" a comment that said "hang him high" referring to the current president. Really?Don't even get me started on that.) I mean I never even got a chance to take the former governor of Alaska seriously with all the flack she caught. And the current Secretary of State, my word, there are so many creative things that have been said there. The previous president is still viewed by many as a big joke. As you know I could go on for hours with this but I won’t. I don't envy their positions. As you can hopefully see, I am fed up with the way all parties are representing themselves on their campaign platforms.

At the end of the day all I am trying to say is, “Stop hiding your hate behind a pretense of conservatism and calling it Jesus.” Done.

you are free

Don’t allow yourself to be caught in the net of deception of small thinking. You can only see the now moment and you want now, right now but there is so much more on a grander scale that is right at your finger tips if you would just be patient and wait on my love. Bask in the glory of My presence every moment of everyday that I give you and seek Me out in your daily ministrations of life. I am right there with you if only you would faithfully and continually turn you would see Me. Invite Me into every area and I will perform the work needed. Love, patience, gentleness, confidence, strength, wisdom, power, honor and the words you need to speak are all in Me. I have you, I trust you and I love you and nothing changes that. What I have for you to do is special and not just here today, gone tomorrow a flash that is not remembered. When I allow the light in you to burn as bright as it will, many will see, be drawn to Me and you will live what I have planned. My timing is not limited to what you perceive. I have you in this and I know your heart and your dreams. Rest here with me a while and allow yourself to be free. When I call forth from you what I have in you, you will without a doubt know that it is Me, My plan, My stand. Fear and worry not little one for I have heard your cry for completeness, wholeness, healing, restoration and love. I know your longing to be truly appreciated and acknowledged and I am not displeased. Release your mind to me so that your thinking is free to expand beyond what you believe to be a limitation. I am Everything, over all, in all through all; EVERYTHING and My goals will be achieved. So move passed disappointment into the reality of your FREEDOM, which I have given to you. Continue to come to Me and do not allow yourself to be deceived into condemnation for it was Me who freed you. I love you; my beloved little one and I have your hand. When I loose your tongue it will always be for the glory and honor of my Son so rest still in me and accept that you are free. I have not given you a time boundary, dream big, see Me and be FREE!