I Miss the Weekend

For a little over 2-1/2 years I have been working 2 jobs. I am so grateful that I am employed because before this stretch I spent 9 straight months unemployed and not receiving unemployment. That sucked! But not being able to enjoy the weekend is a total pain. I wake up just as early on Saturdays and Sundays as I do the rest of the week and it's starting to kill me. I want to be able to look forward to the weekend like other people do.

"So Aisha do you have any plans this weekend?"

"Duh, I'm working! Gosh!"

It's the same thing over and over. Even when I have other plans it is hard to get excited about them because I know I will be worn out from work. UGH! How I long for one job that meets my needs. Yes, I am complaining. I know I have it better than a lot of people and I should just be grateful but it is so hard. I want to be excited about the activities I have in my life like guitar, running and going to see live music when I can. But it is difficult to find time for the things I'm doing now. When I add kung fu in December I'm going to need that clock that Hermione had in the second Harry Potter book just to keep up. Oh well I don't exactly know how but I know this will all work out well, hopefully soon. Have a great weekend everyone.

I'm Going Through Changes

"We shared the years, we shared each day,
In love together we found a way,
But soon the world had its evil way,
My heart was blinded,
Love went astray

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes"

So this time it's Black Sabbath moving me into a new template. You ever notice that I have seriously diverse musical tastes? It seemed to be time for a change again so I will be playing about with colors and going nutters until I decide on what I like the most. I may go back to some darker colors but who knows? The colors of the last template were centered around a picture of Yomiko "Agent Paper" Readman but here lately I'm feeling very Emily Strange and even a little Princess Ai. Yep, that is pretty much how I see myself a nerdy, angsty diva. Good day to you all!

ODIS

Mike: skins; Larry: vox, acoustics; Rob: guitar; Bristen: bass

This post is dedicated to my favorite local band, the boys of ODIS. Their style is definitely rock and roll but there is no denying the presence of soul and R&B grooves. It's Led Zepplin meets Lauryn Hill at Erykah Badu's house with Prince, The Who, The Isley Brothers, Earth Wind and Fire and Pink Floyd as the guests of honor. And it all works together so well. Click the title or the side bar to hit up their MySpace.

You get rocked ninja-style. It is an experience like no other. One moment you are grooving to the beat and out of no where your soul gets jacked and taken on this crazy ride that leaves you thinking, "Get out of my head man!" But it's a feeling that you want more of everytime. Go check them out sometime.

The other reason I posted this is because of the pictures! How freakin' rock and roll are they?! Show my boys some love!

From 9 September 2006, Firewater Bar & Grill

WTHeck?!

Don't laugh, I am going to quit swearing thus funny title. In any case I may be moving blogs but I'm not sure yet. I may or may not be able to get back here but we will see soon enough. Darn that Blogger in Beta thing! Well I am off to an interview, YAY!

Random

...and then there are the days that I wonder, why did I bother thinking that I was done with you? I'm tired of this place, I do not wish to be here. I want to be lost in that dream that I shared with you. From the beginning I knew the nightmare was to come but as the rollercoaster gained speed and climbed the hill what did I care? I had you here, with me, and the excitement caused my heart to race spurred on by a dare. Am I now unhappy? No it is not so. I just miss the warmth of your presence, the part of me that was filled just by having you near...

Dreaming of a Kung Fu Christmas

*this is a also posted on my White Belt Runner blog*
It has been decided by the high counsel of elders (the old farts in my head) that I will begin to learn Kung Fu starting in December. Today I went in for a trial class at Wujido Martial Arts Institute Dallas. It was AWESOME! After only 20 minutes I was sweating and shaking and after another five minutes I almost passed out while holding the "horse stance." It was GREAT! (note to self: eat before engaging in intense physical exercise, duh!)

I pushed my body as far as it could go and I was severely challenged. I was thinking,"Man what am I getting myself into? This is much more difficult than that school I went to last week! I don't think I am going to be able to do this." At that moment I realized that this is exactly where I need to be. This is the challenge I am looking for. I want to push my body to its peak in order to get the most out of it. I want to master my mind so that I can overcome the discomfort that is sure to come when we are doing strengthening exercises.

Learning a martial art has been a dream of mine since I was a kid watching the Saturday afternoon Martial Arts Matinee on TV. As I have grown and come to understand more about the many benefits of Martial Arts, I became more interested in following that path. Discipline, respect for others, focus, sincerity and balance are all key highlights I look forward to grasping and living out.

Sometimes I'm Afraid

At times I am afraid to be me. For the longest time I had painted a mental picture of myself as only being an angry, bitter and hateful soul. I now know that this is not true. I put that face to the world to protect the kind, caring and loving me hoping to avoid the hurts of life but it did not and does not happen that way.

In any case I am angry right now. Very angry about the behavior of some around me and I am scared. I did not want to admit to being angry because I was afraid to go down that path, afraid that I would go and not come back. But in order to truly move past the anger, and be a good friend on all sides, I have to admit it exists in the first place.

Yeah it's true, I'm angry and what I want to do is hate you, talk about you, turn away from you and leave you to face your prison alone. I want to tear you down and wish nothing but the worst of pain and lonliness upon you but I will not do this. I can not do this. I am going to choose to move on. I guess I'm not scared anymore.

Life Lessons From Fruits Basket: Liking Yourself

I have grown and changed a lot this year. I have come to like and be comfortable with the Aisha.

In volume 5 of the manga Yuki and Haru are trying to encourage Kisa to come out of a dark place that she is in emotionally. Because she looks different than the other students she was teased and ignored. It is so devastating to her that she stopped talking, stopped going to school and has run away from home.

When she meets Tohru, as she does with many of the Sohma's she accepts Kisa completely and loves her. Kisa latches on to this and remains close to Tohru for about a week. A letter arrives from Kisa's school and is read by Yuki and Haru. It says they hope she returns to school soon and that the teachers are there for her blah, blah, blah.

"And what is most important... is for you to like yourself, Sohma-san. To find the good things about yourself, and to like yourself for who you are. Because people who don't like themselves can't expect others to like them."

Yuki: I... there was a time... when I stopped talking. Just like you. My reasons... were a little bit different... but... I think the feelings... of being ashamed of myself and hating myself... are the same. Here... it says to "like yourself." What does that mean? Good things- How are you supposed to find them? I only know things that I hate about myself. Because that's all I know, I hate myself. But... even if you force yourself to find good things... it feels so empty. It doesn't work that way. People like your teacher just don't get it. I think... when you hear someone say they like you, for the first time... then you can begin to like yourself. I think when someone accepts you, for the first time... you feel like you can... forgive yourself a little. You can begin to face your fears... with courage.

*as Yuki continues to speak Kisa begins to think of the times that Tohru has smiled and told her that she loves her and also about her mother. (she was afraid to tell her mom about the teasting) tears begin to flow freely from her eyes*

Kisa: *hesitantly* ...Yeah. Yeah. Yeah... I was so hap... py...
Haru: Ki...
Yuki: Kisa. What do you... want to do next? Do you think it's okay to stay like this?
Kisa: *hesitantly* No... never... I have to... try my best... or I'll become... worse and worse. Even if I can't make up with them... even... if they all ignore me. *thinking: Even if my heart... is still seen as inferior* I still have to... try my best.
Yuki: That's right... let's try our best. *end*

I have a great family and many friends. My family accepts me, but I come from the school of thought that they have to. My closest friends also accept me for everything that I am, good or bad. I have not until very recently been comfortable being me. This year, just in case you missed it, I fell pretty hard for a guy. A new friend who accepted me. Someone who did not back away or judge me when he found out more and more about who I am.

I realized more and more who I am and realized that I no longer cared what others thought about me and my way of life and thinking. I am a very insecure person. I was teased, bullied, picked on, beaten up, ignored and made to feel like I was worthless by many people over the years. I have, whether in school or work, been labeled time and again. I have been misunderstood by people who were supposed to be best friends. In my mind I envisioned myself to be all of that negativity. My true friends would try to convince me otherwise but it is hard to see the good when all most people around you choose to hone in on is the bad.

When I realized that I loved James and that I did not have to hide any of who I was from him and realized that he accepted me, I finally felt free to be myself in front of God and everybody. Someone finally accepted me for all of me.

I'm still insecure and worry about whether or not I am accepted by those around me but that does not define how I view myself anymore. I also finally got in touch with the fact that most importantly God accepts me and loves me no matter what. What else do I need? Of course I'm human so I'll still want to be accepted by my peers but someone else's opinion does not dictate how I view the Aisha anymore. Things did not go the way I wanted with James but I was able to take something great from that situation, my sense of self-worth. (and a great friend!) That has helped me to grow. I have to try my best! I am finally happy with being Aisha.

Amongst My People

this is a bit late but the website just posted the pics
Over Labor Day weekend I went to Anime Fest for the first time. (thanks to Mary for paying) I had so much fun! I was only able to experience a small bit of all the action because of work, but the time I spent was well worth it. Everywhere I looked there was someone that was at least 10 times the dork I am :> Click the link above to see some pictures of all kinds of characters. (quietyell.com)

One of my favorite costumes was Ed from Cowboy Bebop. The girl had everything from the rosy anime blush cheeks to her ever present home made computer. She was the only "Ed" I saw and that was nice because I saw at least 4 Kurosaki Ichigo, 3 Edward Elrich and more than one of both Cloud and Sephiroth. There were also cute couple pairings like InuYasha/ Kagome and Sosuke/ Sakura. There was this one really hot Col. Roy Mustang but he was probably only 20 years old. * sad sigh*

But I digress. I have already decided that I will definitely be doing the whole cosplay thing myself next year but I have yet to decide which character I want to be. Yomiko Readman? Anita King? Fu? Faye Valentine? Princess Ai? There are so many to choose from. I am getting excited about it now just thinking about it. In any case whatever I do choose I am going to go over the top with it and get completely into character and have a ton of fun. It cracks me up to think about it, a 30 year old woman running aound dressed up like that for 3 days. But after seeing at least 8 full grown men dressed in school girl uniforms, I think the world can handle me in all my anime babe glory.

*ROTFLMAO*

Life Lessons From Fruits Basket: Memories

Lately I have been thinking I wish I could erase some of my memories.

In volume 4 of the manga there is an interesting conversation between Tohru and Momiji. He is telling Tohru that his mother's memory of him was erased by Hatori. His mother hated the fact that she had given birth to a child that was cursed, she could not accept it. She said it was her biggest regret in life. She was going crazy from it. So Momiji's dad says to him when he is about 6 years old that if he really loves his mama he won't mind if they remove her memories of him being her son. Momiji being a good kid that wants to make his parents happy agrees and his dad says he will love him enough to make up for the love he won't be getting from his mom.
(side note: I cry like a baby every time I read or watch this part)

Momiji: I wonder if I really helped mama. But... I think... I want... to live with all my memories. Even if they're sad memories. Even if they're memories that only hurt me. Even... even if they're memories I'd rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away... if I keep trying, then someday... someday I'll be strong enough that those memories can't defeat me. I believe that. I want to... believe that. Because I want to think... that there's no such thing... as a memory that's okay to forget. That's why... that's why I really... didn't want mama to forget. I wanted her to keep trying. But... that was my selfishness.
while Momiji is speaking Tohru is remembering the pain of losing her mom. She cries and responds:
Tohru: I also... believe that. thinking to herself as she hugs Momiji (he transforms): I want to take any memory... and hold it in my heart... and believe that. So I can become someone who won't let those memories defeat me. Someday... we'll overcome the pain... and we'll have precious memories. *end*

I miss my grandmother so much. Sometimes I just wish the painful memories of her last days could be taken from me. I have been thinking a lot about character traits I would like to see change within myself and that makes me think of the situations that brought me to the point of wanting things to change. Yeah, some real humdingers I would like to get rid of there. I would also like to take away the memories I have of... well I'm sure if you've been near me at all in the last 7 months you know who I want taken away. But I would be running away from all of these things. That would be the easy way out.

I need to remember my grandmother and the many things I learned from her. I loved her and that is why I think about her so much. I needed to experience those things that led me to a desire to change for some reason right. It has been part of my growth and development. I am in a constant state of change (what a lovely oxymoron). There is also nothing wrong with me remembering the joy I felt or looking at how goofy I was because I was twitterpated.

Yes each memory I have is precious in its own way and I will not be defeated by them. It is no fun to live in sadness bound by regret and I refuse to do so. I will not forget but I will learn and grow and become stronger. I will also be happy and look forward to the new memories that are to come.

Miss Fire

Yukina Fire that is. Yes my beautiful darling and I have been making music together for one year now. I'm so happy with this purchase. In honor of such a special event I took her to get new strings and get cleaned up.


One of these days I'll be able to do her justice by playing better. Oh well, here is to many more years together. Thanks to everyone in bloggerville who helped me to choose the name.

Fruits Basket

This will all make sense after my next few blog entries.
Fruits Basket is a very popular shojo manga and anime by Natsuki Takaya that I can't get enough of. I love it. The main character possesses a lot of character traits I wish I had. There are lots of little object lessons I have picked up from the series. Yes, I know that is kind of sad but you truly can learn from anything if you are open to it. In any case for future reference when I post one of these I wanted to put a little Fruits Basket background so that you can understand where I am coming from. (yes I already know that you think I'm crazy)

Summary:
The enigmatic Sohma family shares a great secret, its members are possessed by spirits of the Chinese Zodiac, and when they are hugged by members of the opposite sex, they transform into their Zodiac animal! Tohru Honda, an orphaned high school freshman, is given lodging in the Sohma household in exchange for taking care of household chores. The humble Tohru is quite grateful for the Sohma family's generosity, and the longer she stays with them, the more they realize what a blessing she is in their lives, as well.
(source: tokyo pop.com)

Character List:
Tohru Honda: main character. The most gentle, lovable person you'll meet. Loyal and serving, constantly puts others needs before her own.

Arisa Uotani: one of Tohru's best friends. She was very close to Tohru's mom, Kyoko before her passing. Arisa had been a "yankee" (gang member) from the time she was in 5th grade until meeting Tohru in middle school.

Saki Hanajima: Tohru's other best friend. She has an interesting ability to sense people's auras. Not quite psychic but sort of. She has a bit of a Goth demeanor but she is very kind and protective of those she loves.

Kyo Sohma: the fabled, ostracize Cat. He is a martial arts fanatic whose greatest desire is to beat his cousin Yuki in a fight. He believes that this will allow him to be accepted into his family and the zodiac.

Yuki Sohma: the Rat. The "prince" of Kaibara High School. He is intelligent, athletic and the cutest boy to ever grace the halls. He has his own fan club. His shy demeanor hides many dark secrets.

Shigure Sohma: the Dog. At 27, he is one of the older cursed members of the zodiac. He is flirtatious as can be. Most of the day to day life in our story unfolds in the home of this novelist.

Kagura Sohma: the Boar. She is in love with Kyo. She is one of a select few that accepts him for all that he is. She loves him so much that she tends to beat him up most times she sees him, giving new meaning to the phrase "love tap". It is however a bit of a sad love.

Momiji Sohma: the Rabbit. You would never guess that this half German, half Japanese boy is 15 because of his small stature and childish actions. But he has a heart of gold and like many of the cursed Sohma's he hides a sad secret that he refuses to forget.

Hatori Sohma: the Dragon, seahorse. Hatori is the family's doctor. Most of his time is spent caring for Akito, the head of the family. Hatori has an interesting ability to be able to suppress people's memories which he has had to use to help hide the family's secret a number of times. In one very sad situation he had to erase the memories of the woman he loved.

Hatsuharu Sohma: the Cow. A very courteous young gentleman who loves martial arts and his girlfriend Rin (also a zodiac member). "Haru" as he is called is the same age as Momiji and has an alter ego referred to as "Black Haru".

Ayame Sohma: the Snake. He is the same age as Shigure and Hatori and the three of them are close friends. He is also Yuki's older brother but there is quite the rift between the two. He is trying his best to heal it. "Aya" is extremely confident and vain. He owns a shop where he designs and creates all kinds of dresses and costumes.

Kisa Sohma: the Tiger. A shy middle schooler who Tohru helps to bring out of her shell. When she first appears she is unable to speak due to situations she is facing at school.

Hiro Sohma: the Sheep. A smart and sarcastic middle school boy who loves Kisa and becomes jealous of Tohru because of her close friendship with her.

Ritsu Sohma: the Monkey. Extremely shy and insecure, he wears women's clothes because he says it takes away the pressure for him to be assertive. He does know that this is strange but he lacks the confidence to change. He feels that he is worthless and constantly apologizes, even when it is not necessary.

Isuzu (Rin) Sohma: the Horse. She is quite the stubborn one. She is very beautiful and is girlfriend to Haru. She wants to break the curse and wants Tohru to get away from the family for her own good.

Kureno Sohma: the Rooster. He is Akito's personal assistant and does not get to go out or see the other family members very much. On one of his few trips outside of the Sohma estate he meets and develops a fondness for Arisa Uotani.

Akito Sohma: the young master of the Sohma family. He bears the core of the dreaded curse in his body and perhaps carries the greatest secret of all. He is feared and despised by most members of the zodiac and does all he can to control their lives. Although he initially allows for Tohru's presence after he sees the positive effects she is having on having on his family members he quickly becomes jealous.