I am confused. It is a great thing to have friends with varying opinions. You see I have been talking to my friends about this whole jumping out of the flight of the 'good girl' and doing well I am not quite sure but something not so strict and regimented.
I have friends that say they trust my ability to make the right decisions based on convictions that they know, and I very well know, are deeply rooted in me. Then I have my friends that are more than a little alarmed dare I say frightened by the twists and turns that my life has taken over the past year. Do not think for a moment that I am a wild, get my freak on all the time, party girl type. If that is your thing, that is your thing and more power to you for being that bold.
No I am dying a slow death of destruction, tearing down what I worked so hard to attain bit by bit. Without divine intervention I would be ... well only God knows but I am not completely gone. I still have the curse of having a conscience. In any case 'confused' has been added here because although both sets of my friends say I am rebelling and going through, let me say spiritual teenage angst, they disagree as to what I will do and why I continue to go against the grain. But does either side stop to truly consider that if I am thinking of doing something stupid I may not follow through with it. Those who 'trust' me still have their doubts.
Apparently to one group I still have 'Good Girl' tendencies - I am just confused and have issues. (we all do) The other group has decided, that my poor, sweet, innocent 'Good Girl' has given up the ghost. She is dead. Who knows if she will be able to be revived. I have gone off the deep end and we do not know if there is hope for her anymore.
To the one, belief is the best encouragement, it reminds me of how love showed me the truth. To the other, this time I will follow the admonition and say nothing at all. Either way it goes I love you all and this Girl whatever state she is in knows the truth of her condition lies in none of your hands.
2 comments:
nor yours.
vaya con dios.
I am aware that it is not fully in my hands but I do at least have to accept responsibility for my actions and desire true change. If not the hand can embrace or release.
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